To think I should get a bit of time every weekend with DC

[KolaKoola]

I have posted about this before but more in relation to maintenance.

So I used to have DC every Friday. One week I'd take them to ex on Saturday morning, the next week on Sunday morning. They always come back to me Tuesday after school.

This way we both got a bit of time with DC at weekends.

6 weeks ago Ex asked if we could change it so the weekend he has DC from Saturday, he would have them from Friday instead.

In hindsight I feel as this is so he could pay less maintenance.

I now only get to spend weekend time with my DC once a fortnight whereas he sees them every weekend. I do the lions share of shit school run bits.

Aibu? When questioned he said oh well we'll ask DC what they want to do, knowing full well they'll want to be with dad and their iPads, sweets and slack parenting.

Am I right in thinking he gets them early sunday morning? What about changing the sunday pick up/drop off for the sun-tues session to Sunday evening? At least that way you'd get Saturday and most of Sunday, and it's not a massively drastic change as he'd still get some of Sunday.

The arrangement is quite unfair on you at the moment. Asking young children isn't the solution when only one parent has the chance to do fun things.

Thanks coconut, no it's not court ordered. I did wonder about going to education but because he hit me whilst going through the separation I don't think we'd be allowed.

Thanks Lala. Yes I could suggest that, but like I said by Sunday morning they are desperate to see ex as haven't seen him since tues morning.

I agree I don't think asking DC to decide is the best option at this age.

So you see them for one Saturday a fortnight? Is that right?

That's ridiculous

Why did you agree?

Well yes, weekend wise it's Friday to Sunday morning. All day Saturday.

You posted this exact issue a few days ago? Why post it again? Did you not get the responses you wanted?

What you are asking for is utterly unreasonable as is your previous arrangement.

Ok.

I didn't have many responses re the arrangements, it was more focused on the maintenance.

I also can't find it on my conversation list on my talk app, not sure why?

Can he have them a different midwee day Wednesday or Thursday means it's less time so EOW he has them all weekend from Friday after school to Monday morning, then Wednesday evening til Thursday morning. The weekend in between he could have them Sunday evening til Monday morning if they can't cope a whole week without contact

So week 1 he has them when?
And week 2 he has them when?

Sorry, I've got a bit mixed up. TBH, your dc would quickly get used to whatever arrangement you come to make and eow is so common that a lot of their friends would be in the same boat, and they would stop seeing it as anything but normal v soon.

It would be fair if you each had the children for the same amount of w/e time; allowing you to do w/e stuff with them in a more relaxed mode than you can during the week, when work and school call on your time.

I don't think the arrangement seems that bad tbh. You seem to want to change it for a couple of reasons - maintenance and spending time with your new child when it comes along. Sorry but I don't think they are good reasons to take them away from their father. It doesn't matter what way the father wants to parent them - that's got nothing to do with you and it sounds like sour grapes when you are moaning about it.

Thanks guys.
I have them
Week 1. Tues eve - Fri morning
Week 2. Tues eve -Sun morning

Yes, eow and him having them 2 week days, that could work. I don't know how keen he'd be though as he does work full time.

Calli we have tried about 5 or 6 different ways of doing it. The last was the most successful, it suited us for 9 months. He now has a new girlfriend which is the main reason he wants to change (as well as paying less maintenance I suspect).

He has changed the system every time he's started a new relationship and I always feel bad and agree as he gives me the talk about how he has a right to get on with his life and find happiness the way I have.

He sees travels to see his gf on the weekends he doesn't have DC, so now has nothing to do on the Friday night/sat morning I used to have them. I wish I had never agreed to the change.

Calli, I don't know whether he'd be happy with that as he works full time and would really struggle with the school run.

I work part time as I have them mainly during the week, that way I can do the school runs and clubs.

I'd just like to spend a bit of quality time with them every week, so it's on a ore equal footing like before.

There's another way round this. You go back to the original arrangement in term-time but in the holidays you use his suggested schedule.

No homework in hols, no school runs, you get your share of fun time.

If he struggles with the school run how is he managing Monday and tuesday now?

Why did you agree to the change in the first place?

My ex and I have the children EOW Friday after school to Monday morning. Then he has them every Tuesday and sometimes Wednesday evening.

It sounds a real nightmare, I also think you should both have them every other weekend.

So basically as far as weekends go;

he has them-
wk 1 Saturday and Sunday
wk 2 Saturday and Sunday morning until drop off time.

you have them-
wk 1 -0-
wk 2 Sunday after morning drop off

No, I don't think that's fair. You may have them during the week, but that's usually rush-rush time, the weekends are when families 'reconnect' after the busy work/school week. It's important that you have equal time.

Honestly, if you live close to each other 50/50 would probably be best. Callit's schedule is fair. As far as the school run and clubs, that would be his problem, just as it's your problem now. Working parents (married or single) have to figure these things out all the time. Why should your ex get special consideration just because 'he might struggle'. What would he do if you took off to the wilds of Borneo and left him with the children full time? He'd figure it out, wouldn't he.