Is SIL being tight?

[BoxFresh]

We spent 5 years cooking a big roast dinner every Sunday for DB, SIL and parents. We were really struggling financially at the time but enjoy cooking and felt it was important to spend time with family.

DB & SIL are fairly well off. They have started a new business venture selling food. It's doing very well.

I get a 20% discount from SIL. So instead of paying £5 for lunch I pay £4. They often have some food left at the end of the day.

Is this a bit stingy considering I spent years cooking for them and paying for all the food?

If they were charging you for going to theirs for a Roast I could understand your beef.

They have a business. It offers you a discount. If you dont think its reasonable, take your business elsewhere.

I don't think she is bring mean. She's running a business so won't be able to afford to just give food away.

They can't give it away for free, they have accounts and orders to balance.

I can imagine it's frustrating though.

I do feel if they are making a profit from me they could offer to contribute towards the costs of feeding everyone when I cook.

Should they charge you for their time, so that you could have the family eating experience that you wanted?

Either it was a gift, these meals, or not.

Why is SIL tight when she's given you 20% off, but your brother isn't criticised when he's given you 0%?

My brother isn't often there but when he is it would be free.

It's not a regular thing btw.

How often do you have their lunches?

Around once a fortnight.

Cross post.

If it I was every day its understandable..

But once in a while? I'd say it should be on the house....

So when you were making them lunches were you adding up what they Owe? If you chose to do it even though you were struggling, I can't see how they should pay back for it now. Yabu.

I think the two things are completely separate

If they were charging you for going to theirs for a Roast I could understand your beef

Did you ever ask for contributions? Would you expect free items if they had a shop? How bizarre.

You aren't entitled to free food just because they have a food business and you have fed them, through choice, for the past 5 years. If you wanted a contribution or couldn't afford it then you should have said so.

Sorry I'm struggling to understand the exact scenario.

Do you mean you go to SILs for Sunday lunch and they charge you for it?
If so then YANBU.

They are different things IMO. Anyone running a business will tell you that as soon as you start giving freebies you are losing money. Having leftovers at the end of the day isn't relevant unless you specifically asked her for them and she's refused.

Why don't the rest of the family take their turns at cooking and hosting? Most families rotate in an informal way. If she has access to cheaper foods why not ask her to contribute the meat sometimes? Your dh can ask if it's awkward.

YABU to expect her to give you free food at her business but Ywnbu to ask her to contribute to your lunches.

So, SIL has a better business head than your brother.
And you are getting free food off your family member.
Perhaps SIL thinks it would be awkward as fuck if you started coming in every day, or adding a cake to your sandwich order (whatever they sell).

My husband ran a small - unrelated to food - business. You have to be pretty strict with yourself, you can end up giving free stuff to family and friends all over the place.

Also bear in mind that your roast dinner cost you only the price of your food.
Her sandwich, whatever, is costing her in insurance, start up costs, hygiene very training, premises rent - etc etc.

She charges you to eat at her house. Yes she's running a business but ive never in all my wildest dreams, and trust me. My dreams are wild. Heard of charging family when you invite them over for tea.
It is stingy. I've never heard of anything more ridiculous. I wouldn't pay it. What's she going to do. Call the police and say. My SIL and BIL won't pay me for the roast I cooked them.

I think these are separate things too. But if I were your SIL I would probably have reciprocated in some way to show appreciation . I don't think you should get free meals though as she'd make a loss and any food business is going to have tight margins IMO as not an easy way to make money

Why did you do the cooking every Sunday for five years??!!! Why didn't any of the others cook at all? And who wants to spend every Sunday eating roast dinner with family!

It depends what the food business is, supplying caviar I can see a small discount would apply, supplying carrots they could give you some for free.

I expect the margin is better on caviar than carrots!

Ah I've reread it.

I don't think they are charging OP to eat lunch at her home. I think it's more that they run something like a sandwich bar and give OP a discount but still charge, in which case YABU.

Reason being you weren't invited to buy your lunch from there, you chose to do it. At the end of the day it does sound a wee bit tight - she could have said have one a week on the house - but presumably if she invites you over for dinner she doesn't charge then.

Five years cooking a roast! Didn't it burn??

(sorry)

You have to also consider the SIL might have posted on MN "every fucking week my H makes me go to his family for lunch".
Replies: "you have an H problem not an IL problem"

I think it's an excellent point upthread that you wouldn't expect free stuff if they ran a shop with non consumables.

My MIL could say she spent 5 years cooking us Sunday dinner every week ... In reality, I hated going, it was a nightmare and I only went out of duty ... just a different perspective

I assume you mean you eat in their pub / restaurant / cafe. Actually I think 20% discount is ok. If they let friends and family have food on the house it would affect profit - I imagine it's hard to draw a line.

The meals at your house is a different matter and that is a lot of hosting you've done so I can understand how you'd start to resent it. I think you either need to ask for a contribution or suggest rotating who does it.