Is SIL being tight?

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We spent 5 years cooking a big roast dinner every Sunday for DB, SIL and parents. We were really struggling financially at the time but enjoy cooking and felt it was important to spend time with family.

DB & SIL are fairly well off. They have started a new business venture selling food. It's doing very well.

I get a 20% discount from SIL. So instead of paying £5 for lunch I pay £4. They often have some food left at the end of the day.

Is this a bit stingy considering I spent years cooking for them and paying for all the food?

You have to separate these two things in your head. One is hospitality, the other is business. I'm sure she won't start charging you if you come round for dinner at theirs!

Are they inviting you to the restaurant instead of coming to yours?

Op doesn't say that they have a restaurant. She just says they sell food. Which could be veg off their allotment or a five star restaurant.

YABU.
They are completely separate things and not comparable.
You offered to cook lunch for your family.

They are running a business, and, as such, being generous in offering you such a big discount if you choose to use their business. As we speak, I've got a lifelong friend here doing some decorating for me - I totally expect to pay her the going rate, as that is her livelihood. It's completely separate from me inviting her round for a meal or to a party or something. I use her because she's actually very good, and also to help a friend who has started her own business, but that's what it is - a business.

I think you need to firstly address why YOU cooked all the roasts and had them over for last 5 years?

I mean didn't you ever think to say "your turn" or at least ask them to bring a contribution?

I am going to say YABU!

Ok food selling buisness venture.

Are they inviting you there for a meal instead if coming to yours or you going to their house

well personally i'd stop with the sunday roast dinners. say you're so tired, please can someone else host this week? try and get it on a more even keel. do they help out when they come?

is the food you're cooking for the sunday lunch bought from their business? or is it different food?

i hope they are contributing every week by bringing something and helping out.

I think that voluntarily cooking for your family on Sunday, is different to a family member trying to get a business off the ground - I don't think this is like for like actually if she was inviting you for dinner that's one thing, selling you sandwiches is another.

Yes, I think she's being tight.

Do they contribute to the Sunday dinners you provide at all, ie. bottle of wine, bringing a pudding? This is a separate issue to them not giving you free food, however, I'd never turn up at someone's house for dinner empty handed

Yabu. It's your choice to cook a family dinner. Sil is running a business, it's nothing to do with whether you cook lunch on Sundays.

I do feel if they are making a profit from me they could offer to contribute towards the costs of feeding everyone when I cook.

Of course they do, it's a business. They have overheads. Don't eat there if it's an issue.

I had a restaurant and the amount of people that expected to eat free was unreal.

Yabu.

Why did you cook for the 5 years? I assume you volunteered to do it. Could you never of asked the sil if they wanted to do it alternative weeks.

I don't think she is being mean, they are running a business and they do give you a small discount.

It is hard to get new busineesses started up.

You said you cooked because you "enjoy cooking and felt it was important to spend time with family". You didn't do it in the expectation of getting freebies from your relatives' businesses.

I think you're erroneously conflating the two because both involve cooking. Would you feel you were entitled to expect freebies in return for Sunday dinner if your relatives ran, say, a garage business?

Its a business venture. Totally different to going to each others houses for lunch or dinner. Although You did say u did all the cooking for 5 years. Im sure she would not charge if it was at their house.
Business is a different ball game.

Separate things.

20% discount is fine.

Never hosting is not fine unless there's a reason for it.

I'd address taking turns to host Sundays, and not worry about their business.

Tbh I wouldn't go if she couldn't shout me lunch once a fortnight after eating at yours for free for five years.

Do you take friends or do you go alone?

A free £5/£4 meal once a fortnight is not going to break the bank.

I'd start charging for their Sunday roast. In fact I'd charge them a £8 each and say you need to save the money for your savings. Savings are important you know

Unless you are running a macdonalds type franchise then I don't believe you can afford to give free food to all your family & friends. Imagine how much you would lose each month doing that.

Money is the root of all evil.

You obviously have a good relationship with these people which is demonstrated by your Sunday roast invites so don't spoil it over a few pound!

Is she charging you to eat at her house after she invites you there?

The first thought that struck me was how suffocated I'd feel attending a family roast with the in-laws every Sunday. Does sil want to come every Sunday or is it more your brother's fancy?
The second thing I noted was you said you enjoy cooking and think it's important to spend time together as a family. So it's your own free choice to provide this unrelenting 5 year standing Sunday roast.

Basically yabu.

You've fed them as guests in your home for 5 years. One doesn't expect a guest to pay for a meal, even if they're family. If a person is creating a financial hardship for themselves by cooking for family, then they should stop.

You're expecting your SiL to give free food to a customer at her business (the fact that you're family isn't relevant). As a family member it's nice to offer a discount, but it shouldn't be expected. Her business income is for the benefit of her own family.

If you eat at their restaurant you are taking a spot/table that she can't then use for full paying guests. I don't think the two things are the same at all I'm afraid.