Tell me about things that really piss you off even though you know you're being unreasonable...

[CrazyNewDogLady]

I'll start.

My mum always puts 'your' in front of every single activity, work, hobby I do and it annoys the fucking life out of me. For example, me and DH bake a cake every Saturday because we're cool like that. Every time we speak on Saturdays she asks 'Did you do your baking today?'. I find it patronising, like she's saying 'Did you do your little baking activity today? Ah, good girl'.

I know I'm BU. I know she doesn't mean to be patronising but it boils my piss. But because I'm BU, I can't say anything. So I have to just fume quietly and vent on MN

Arty farty camera work so you can't see what the fuck is going on with it jigging about out of focus. Those home improvement progs where you've stuck with them all the way through the ups and downs of 'The Build' then you can't see what they've done to it bcs the camera is out of focus or focuses on a vase on a shelf, or the stairwell from a weird angle you can't even work out. Or does a clever focusing trick from one end of a skirting board to the other.

Back off camera people. I don't even want to know you are there so get your ego out of the way, I don't want to see it.

A certain person in my life who, when I ask them if it's cold outside, answers with "it's breezy rather than cold." Does that breeze feel cold? THEN IT'S COLD. Just answer yes or no so I know if I need a coat or not!

Also, spacepoodle, I love you.

People who tie ribbons to the handles of their suitcases! If you are that incapable of recognising your own luggage, buy a bloody luggage tag.

Totally irrational and has no impact on me in the slightest apart from giving me the rage.

People who can empathise. By empathise they mean listen to the first 3 words of your sentence then tell you about when something similar happened to them.

People who tell you what was going on with you the last time they spoke to you.

My mother eating lettuce

"Myself" "yourself"

Emails sent out to the whole office then 12 reply to all saying "no" "this is a good idea" "when is it"

Kitchen bastards

Queue bastards

Shop doorway bastards

Top of the escalator bastards

People who hang around in stupid places at bus stops so theres no fucking room for anyone to get past on the pavement

The guy on the tills at the the Co-op who says "hhhnnnnnnnnnnn...£5.75 please"

Socks

Sniffing!!!! It gets me really cross, i don't know why. I travel on the train and have been known to change seats due to sniffers. Love to hand out hankies but havent so far. However About a year ago i got a new colleague who due to a medical condition has no smell and continuously sniffs. I think it was fate teaching me a lesson. I really like her and slowly got used to her sniffs and been impressed i never said a word that it was my pet hate. Still find on trains the sniffing gets to me. Wow, i feel better for writing that!

I do all the cooking. DH will sometimes contribute one minor thing like microwaving the baked beans and will then spend the whole sodding meal commenting on his contribution. "Ooh, these are nice beans Gin, are they our usual brand" type thing. Pisses me right off and makes me want to dump the fucking beans in his lap

Smurfing I agree. Stupid smug ribbons. They tend to be the same people that leap out of their seats to rummage about in the overhead lockers the moment the plane has stopped, then stand with their trolleys at the mouth of the luggage conveyer belt. In fact I think they're also the ones that are completely unable to comprehend the instructions on the retina recognition machine.

People who hold your arm tightly and then sneeze. My friend does this and it's annoying. She does a big dramatic pause, holds her finger up to 'pause' me then grips me then let's rip. It's so embarrassing when everyone stares. Mind you people sneezing in general. Dh does a little scream and seems to clearly enunciate the word "Atchoo". Every fucking time.

People struggle with 'Definitely' but all you have to remember is that it definitely doesn't have an A. My teacher said it years ago and it worked. :o

People who say "Can I get a ..." In coffee shops.

People who do not know the difference between their and there.

People who sniff.

People who call their children "mate"

Dh folding his socks together before putting them in the wash. Why, oh fucking why?

People who forget what you've previously, clearly, explicitly told them because THEY DON'T FUCKING LISTEN.

The man in my office who signs all cards from 'Spongbob squarepants' which would be hilarious if we were 6.

My new neighbours for moving in next door (formerly empty for donkeys years). I don't want you there, I was happy as I was, I don't need you next door. You cut down all your hideously overgrown garden and you took away my lovely secluded garden when you did that. I also mind very much that you're young and very rich.

People walking too slowly in London.

Obnoxious yawning and stupid screamy sneezing.

My DM saying "Sains-briz" and "rasp-briz" (i.e Sainsbreeze and raspbreeze for normal people ) makes me feel unreasonably irritable. And her weird way of rigorously inserting her personal preferences into every conversation or passing comment even if it's not about her - we had jacket potatoes last night... "OH NO I DON'T EAT POTATO YOU SEE". I need to get some milk in for breakfast tomorrow... "NO I DON'T BUY MILK BECAUSE I JUST DON'T DRINK IT YOU SEE." Someone bought in a great birthday cake at work... "I JUST DON'T EAT CAKES YOU SEE."

Audible chewing.

Humans.

Thanks Japanese. I would repay the compliment but apparently I hate everyone

LookAtAllThesePhucksIGive you are my new mn favourite. I'm crying over the sneezing description. Thank you.

I feel I need to mention the term Brexit.

Yes definitely Spacepoodle I can't even bring myself to say the word !

People who say "confused.com" when they are puzzled about something. They usually follow it up with a smug look on their face because they think they're absolutely hilarious.

Yes to parents who call their children mate!

I need to stop thinking about this thread. It is not conducive to sleep.

Oh my god... OP, the your thing, MIL does this and I hadn't twigged that was the thing that pisses me the fuck off!

I will notice it more now.

My partner not listening. Oh, he can remember every single football player there's ever been, or all the songs he's ever played in all the bands he's been in, but can he concentrate on things I tell him (such as what my plans are in the week, he needs telling again every day)? Can he bollocks.

My theory is that he can't be arsed was brought up in a family where they all "hilariously" interrupt each other all the time making their funny little comments so no-one's ever actually finished a fucking sentence.

People who have a "cheeky" glass of wine/cup of tea/meal /chocolate . Why ???

People who don't know how to pronounce my name and instead of asking call me random non phonetically correct mixed up
Syllables .

Baby girls with stretchy things with bows in round their heads . Why ???

Toddlers with pierced ears . Why ????

Passive aggressive snide remarks - if you've got something to say, then just say it !!!!

My MIL calls the kitchen worktops "- the working surfaces"- why ?????

'obviously' inserted in a sentence where actually it isn't obvious to anyone except the person speaking.

Colleagues choosing the moment I am sat down during lunch break, in the staff room, mouth full of food - to come and chat to me about their latest issue/order requirement/problem they need me to solve. F*ck off I'm EATING!!!!!!!!!

Saying Wai'rose instead of WaiTrose.
Sundee, Mondee, Tuesdee (you get the picture).

FIL deserves to be shot for both of these, tho he is otherwise ok-ish.

Agree with the " cheeky " tag about wine,cake - often used by guests on the one show and i''m still annoyed with louise redknapp on SFTW playing with the food and pretending to taste it.
Tourists taking photos of innocuous stuff,every week i have to walk around someone posing next to a 1976 doorknob on a factory door,ditto hipsters taking pictures of their retro english breakfast in a cafe ,before leaving it uneaten.

Cashiers getting confused if the bill is 5.05 and you give them 10.20 etc and then proceed to give you five pound coins and fifteen pence in change,likewise i hate it when the self service machine in M&S gives out 20p in coppers !

Shops with names the complete opposite of what they sell ,ie liquor store sells clothes,as far as i know.

Being called Loveen or Pet. I have a fucking name. Use it.
Being told for the 10th time that day that they are just "sneaking out for an old smokey joe". Firstly I don't give a shit if you are going for a cigarette (and giving it a cutesy name isn't making it less irritating!) And secondly it's not really sneaking if you're bloody well telling me about it is it????