To quit my job because I am crap at it

[crapatwork]

Is it unreasonable to quit for these reasons?

Probably not. But I feel I am useless at work and I feel like a fraud taking money for a job I'm rubbish at

Is your job quite stressful OP?

I'm in a stressful role, I have a lot of responsibility and a large team under me and it's a sales environment - where when you win (think sales pitches, deals etc) you really win in terms of new income for the company. But most of the time it's a bit of a thankless slog and you don't win all the time. I feel like an imposter a lot of the time, but clearly I am ok at it as I seem to be very well respected by colleagues, management and clients, and thanks to regular 121s with my boss, I know I'm doing well.

What does your boss say in your performance reviews?

OP you have my understanding. I have worked for the same company for 10 yrs. It's office based and the role has evolved so much it bears little reflection to my original job. I am rubbish at certain areas of the job and feel like the weakest link in the dept. I have had meetings with my manager at my request and they just shift the load around so everyones doing what they are best at. This is fine till people are off ill or on holiday than I feel out of my depth and like i'm winging it. I'm looking into alternatives but need the money and hours to suit as this jobs does. Arrggghhh.

If there is only one aspect you can't master and that gets you down, is there ANY WAY that things can get reorganised so that someone else does that bit? Then you'd be free to succeed at all the rest!

And I am sorry that you are feeling low. And that's the other thing... life is too short, if its making you miserable then, NO, you would not be unreasonable to quit your job. You might feel great relief!

I think the only problem you have, OP, is that you're a woman. I've never, ever heard of a man who is a) self-cognisant enough to know that they are failing to perform as well as they might, and b) feel that they are unworthy of the salary they are being paid.

With that in mind, are you really giving yourself a fair assessment?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I worked with a man many many years ago who was promoted to Team Leader (very technical position in travel organisation) and after about 2 months, resigned from that position to slot back into his old role (still in same team). He went to our Manager as he found it too stressful and was allowed to step down immediately.

Everyone had so much respect for him! He clearly was confident enough in himself to know when he'd reached the level of his own incompetence. I admired him for that.

Mind, that's the only time I've heard of a man doing it in 32+ years of working!

I posted this a while back Crapatwork so I know how you feel, I think. No helpful advice though, I am still struggling to sort everything out. Felt better for having admitted to it to t'internet tho :
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2584638-Seeing-boss-today-have-messed-up-but-its-a-long-term-problem-what-can-I-do

TattyCat, that is one confident man. Many of the ones I've ever worked with have been supremely over-confident in their very mediocre abilities.

I think women are far more likely to doubt themselves and question their worth, which is a great shame.

I know a few men who openly admit they are shit at their jobs and feel they are a step away from losing it. They don't necessarily believe they don't deserve the money, because on low wages it's pretty much the minimum they get paid anyway. Again like me, creative types doing tedious repetitive admin they have no aptitude for for 20k a year (in London) after working there on in similar roles for at least 10-15 years. Approaching 40 with no prospects of ever doing anything they are good at or may possibly enjoy. It's a horrible trap.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I know - he was something of a rarity. But I do think much has changed over the last 30 years and it's something that few men would have the confidence to do now. Perhaps the difference is the attitude in the workplace which was, at that time and in that particular industry (airline) more supportive. I don't know, except it was the single most fantastic, and 'nice', company I've ever had the pleasure to work in.

Everyone has different strengths and sometimes we are just better off playing to our strengths rather than trying to force square pegs into round holes.. That's part of being an effective team.
I was given a promotion recently and really struggled with the now role, due to certain skill sets I just don't have. I am really stressed at work still but have been transferred to an area I'm actually good at (back office, calculations etc rather than customer facing - but still higher grade stuff) and that side of it is better. If only I could do something about the workload now..!

I honestly think I am crap and it's impeding on other areas of my life.

I quit my PGCE because I was crap at it (so crap I was going to fail). I also know people in my subsequent career who were promoted, hated it, and asked to be 'demoted' back to their old job (their requests were granted).

Oh OP I'm in exactly your position, or at least I was. I'm not sure what your profession is but I'm a teacher and after 2 years of debate I've come to the conclusion that I'm crap at my job. I'm great in the classroom when I've had time to plan and I'm rested but those occasions are few and far between, I used to be a strong component in my department but those days are gone. The goalposts have moved, the expectations have changed and the pressure from staff and parents has reached an all time high. Those things together now mean that I'm crap at my job, and I know this is true because I look at my colleagues who are under the same pressures as me and I see their determination to succeed through it until things become easier. I just don't have it any more and it's been making me miserable.

I've decided to leave and since I made that decision my self esteem has improved and I feel much better. Seriously, you're probably not 'crap' at your job, it's probably that you need a change and a different environment. Try not to be so down on yourself.

I feel I can't leave and I can't stay! It's such a mess.

Taking you at face value - that you are genuinely crap at your job but have been successfully pulling the wool over everyones' eyes for the last 10 years.
You have a choice:

1. Stay and tackle the issue head on - talk to your boss; find out if they think you are crap; take steps to reduce how crap you are or get your head round the fact that you aren't as crap as you think.
2. Plan an escape route - what transferable skills do you have? What would you like to be doing? What training/experience do you need to be able to move into your new career?

Please don't just kick yourself and drag yourself down and feel stuck in a pit of despair - you can change things (maybe not overnight but you can achieve change).

Well, since everyone's guessed I am a teacher (please don't all burn me at the stake for ruining children's chances) had a break trying to get back into it. I feel useless.

Do you need to teach for the money or could you afford to take a substantial pay cut? I ask because I am a qualified teacher working as a TA and I love it. I get to do what I trained to do, and feel good about it, and I get to leave it behind at the end of the day, plus all the holidays off with my kids.
I know with utmost certainty that I could never return to proper teaching, so much stress and pressure, and the constant juggling of work and family, I take my hat off to all mums who teach but its not for me.
Downside is the pay is crap, but that's the right balance for me.
Other options would include tutoring, further education, nannying. You don't have to stay with teaching if you're miserable.

I hate to sound defeatist but I'd hate TA work, and tutoring. I'm not very bright so FE is out!

There seem to be a lot of adult learning jobs in my region - especially supporting English and Maths. I have a friend who enjoys interacting with adults and the fact they are all keen to learn.

What would you like to do in your ideal world?

If it's classroom control you're struggling with, leave and get a job in an independent school.

Sounds like you've had enough. If you actually are crap at it, then you're doing no one any favours by staying. And if you're not crap really, but you don't want to do it anymore, then maybe it's time to stop and try something different. Is there anything else you'd actually like to do? Any sideways move related to your particular subject? You don't have to stay you know. But it would be good if you had an idea what else you'd like to do.

Op, could you tutor on a private basis? You would have freedom and a good income. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, given you're a teacher. I really don't know how teachers do it these days; I know I couldn't.

I'll bet a penny to a pound that there's a subject you're good at - you just need to accept that you are!

Out of interest, what age do you teach? I think that could be relevant to how you're feeling.

There not a huge call for tutoring round here and not many independent schools either.

crapatwork If it's any consolation, SO MANY of us are feeling the same way at the moment. Teachers and schools generally get the blame for all society's ills. Goalposts are changing all the time and it's like trying to keep 100 plates constantly spinning at top speed. The first sign that one might wobble creates the fear that someone will straightaway be on your back complaining.

It's horrible, I know.