.....to plan revenge on the DC when they're older for all the night wakings?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Inspired by another thread.

I plan to walk into their rooms and scream "I CAN'T FIND BATMAN", while waving Batman at them.

I plan to sit on DS1's head and carefully count the minutes out as they pass, for over a fucking hour, until it's getting-up time/dawn.

I plan to elbow DS2 in the face as he sleeps and follow it up with a roundhouse deathblow kick.

I plan. Oh yes.

I probably won't actually DO it but it's a very happy daydream

Tell me yours!

Oh I have an actual physical list of revenge

3am, I will crash into their room and tell them I have weed my pants. And the bed. And the floor. And I need help. Sobbing, and trying to climb on them in my damp state.

I will walk in to ds's room, vomit on his feet and wander off and go to sleep.

When they're making an important phone call I shall sit next to them and whisper "fart" down the phone every 30 seconds or so. Or "willy" if fart loses its impact.

I will crouch at face height and stare, soundlessly, for hours if necessary, until they wake up and scream. Upon which point I will turn on my heel and head back to bed.

I will hold my poo in until we are about to go out then strip naked and do a huge sloppy one all over the bathroom floor, run through it and start wailing. I will encourage OH to shout 'There's poo everywhere! whilst running around the carpeted areas of the house. (DTs - are you listening?).

I will vomit white stuff on their shoulders.

I will mush doritos into their car upholstery (only the orange ones though)

I will refuse to eat the food I chose in the Harvester but demand I have their gammon/burger/chicken and then leave it.

I will shout 'My quilt's fallen off' three times a night.

I will wake at 4.30am, ready for the day, for 3 fucking years.

I will refuse to sleep without being read to. I will cry furiously if this is refused.

Come to think of it I'll do the staring silently thing at DD2. She's an expert at it!