.....to plan revenge on the DC when they're older for all the night wakings?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Inspired by another thread.

I plan to walk into their rooms and scream "I CAN'T FIND BATMAN", while waving Batman at them.

I plan to sit on DS1's head and carefully count the minutes out as they pass, for over a fucking hour, until it's getting-up time/dawn.

I plan to elbow DS2 in the face as he sleeps and follow it up with a roundhouse deathblow kick.

I plan. Oh yes.


I probably won't actually DO it but it's a very happy daydream

Tell me yours!

[Terribleknitter]

Come to think of it I'll do the staring silently thing at DD2. She's an expert at it!

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I will refuse to sleep without being read to. I will cry furiously if this is refused.

[MERLYPUSSEDOFF]

I will hold my poo in until we are about to go out then strip naked and do a huge sloppy one all over the bathroom floor, run through it and start wailing. I will encourage OH to shout 'There's poo everywhere! whilst running around the carpeted areas of the house. (DTs - are you listening?).

I will vomit white stuff on their shoulders.

I will mush doritos into their car upholstery (only the orange ones though)

I will refuse to eat the food I chose in the Harvester but demand I have their gammon/burger/chicken and then leave it.

I will shout 'My quilt's fallen off' three times a night.

I will wake at 4.30am, ready for the day, for 3 fucking years.

[DaphneCanDoBetterThanFred]

Oh I have an actual physical list of revenge

3am, I will crash into their room and tell them I have weed my pants. And the bed. And the floor. And I need help. Sobbing, and trying to climb on them in my damp state.

I will walk in to ds's room, vomit on his feet and wander off and go to sleep.

When they're making an important phone call I shall sit next to them and whisper "fart" down the phone every 30 seconds or so. Or "willy" if fart loses its impact.

I will crouch at face height and stare, soundlessly, for hours if necessary, until they wake up and scream. Upon which point I will turn on my heel and head back to bed.

[GetSchwifty]

I will wait until we are in the dentists waiting room and shout "I'll tell you how you get diarrhoea!" Just like my son did the other day.
Can't wait!

[Terribleknitter]

I have actually had a small amount of revenge on the boy...
He's 15 and like many teenagers had a night of discovering booze not long ago. Not much, just a couple of cans of Guinness and a bottle of cider. He came home evidently tipsy and tumbled straight into bed, not moving until I walked into his room at 8 the next morning threw open his curtains and started singing 'good morning' from Singing in the rain
That'll teach him...

[TinyTear]

I'm already letting the 11 month old crawl into the 4yo's bedroom in the morning while I finish cleaning teeth and getting myself ready

[glenthebattleostrich]

I will discuss poo at length with their friends.

I will wake then at 2 am every night so I can sing them back to sleep

[SecondMrsAshwell]

You don't have to plan, it will happen naturally. I told one of my colleagues the other day that his job as a father is not to nurture his daughters so that they are confident, well rounded individuals who will take their places in the world and make him and his wife proud of the job they've done in bringing them up.

No.

It is to drive his children utterly batty.

My mum pre-edits conversations so that I will end up with a statement and have to do 20 questions to get context, subject and minor details. For example, during a cold snap before Christmas:
"They must be hoping they get their door back."

WTF?

Door on local hairdressers vandalised - they got it open, couldn't get it shut again - locksmith unable to fix on site - took the door away - staff huddling round hairdryers to keep warm - They must be hoping they get their door back. Aaaaah, got you now.

My Dad will wait till I'm going home from theirs before announcing that he needs something doing - like the internet is broken. I''ve lost count of the times that he has switched something off/onto mute and then complains it doesn't work.....

But I wouldn't have them any other way - I've read about toxic parents in the Relationships forum. Love my parents? Hell, after reading about some of the stories there, I'm ready to found a whole church for them so I can worship.

[MingZillas]

Oh I absolutely love this thread!

20 mo dd was a pita last night.

[Janecc]

I'm going to my daughters house with a big bar of chocolate and stay in her bedroom, trying each garment on with sticky stained hands and carefully fling each item to the floor. For good measure, I will grind dirt into the light coloured clothes. Then I'm going to throw her pens all over the floor, scrunch up a packet of crisps, mix it with the remaining chocolate, some yoghurt and fling it all over the furniture.
I'm going to expect to be waited on hand and foot and ask what I can have to eat at five minute intervals. I'm going to insist I have sweeties for breakfast and tell her all my friends are allowed. I'm going to expect her to wipe my bottom and flush the loo. I will have an almighty tantrum if any or all my requests are refused.
And I'm going to show her this after school because I think she will be mighty embarrassed - bless. So yes, anything and everything I can think to make her embarrassed, especially in the teenage years. Like put a bunch of photos with her naked bum on show when her first serious boyfriend comes to dinner?

[whois]

Oh it's easy. When they are teenagers, go into their room bright and early - throw open the curtains and shout "wakey wakey" turning on the light, leaving the door opened and preferably letting the dog/cat in to their bed as well.

[GlitterGlassEye]

I'm going to jump in my youngest dds bed and sleep fitfully across her pillows, feet touching kicking her head. I will also scream for a drink of milk, have 1 sip and let the cup leak all over the bed resulting in massive wet patch in middle of the mattress. At 3 in the morning .

[exLtEveDallas]

DD knows fine well that when she is an obnoxious 14 year old I am going to run SCREAMING into her room at 2am, turn the lights on and jump on her bed.

I'm also going to wake her up at 5am by switching her TV on and saying "look Peppa, look...George.....Look....DINOSAUR!!" and poke her in the nose until she is wide awake.

I tell her this regularly. She thinks I'm joking. I'm not.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Illbeathtebar I LOVE that second bit

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

reminds me of this poem

When I'm a little old lady
Then I'll live with my children
and bring them great joy.
To repay all I've had
from each girl and boy
I shall draw on the walls
and scuff up the floor;
Run in and out
without closing the door.
I'll hide frogs in the pantry,
socks under my bed.
Whenever they scold me,
I'll hang my head.
I'll run and I'll romp,
always fritter away
The time to be spent
doing chores every day.
I'll pester my children
when they are on the phone.
as long as they're busy
I won't leave them alone.
Hide candy in closets,
rocks in a drawer,
And never pick up my clothes
from the floor.
Dash off to the movies
and not wash a dish.
I'll plead for allowance
whenever I wish.
I'll stuff up the plumbing
and deluge the floor.
As soon as they've mopped it,
I'll flood it some more.
When they correct me,
I'll lie down and cry,
Kicking and screaming,
not a tear in my eye.
I'll take all their pencils
and flashlights, and then
When they buy new ones,
I'll take them again.
I'll spill glasses of milk
to complete every meal,
Eat my banana and
just drop the peel.
Put toys on the table,
spill jam on the floor,
I'll break lots of dishes
as though I were four.
What fun I shall have,
what joy it will be to
Live with my children....
the way they lived with me!

[thenewaveragebear1983]

I'm going to go to my daughters house and take her clean clothes out of the wardrobe and put them straight in the washing basket then declare I've cleaned her house and demand pocket money or a lift somewhere. At least once a week. Then I'll go to my sons house and spend the day saying 'mummy. Mummy. Mummy' and 'I'm hungry' over and over and over again, and then wait until his mates come round or he's on the phone before declaring that I need a poo. And five minutes later, ' I've fiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiished!'.

[IllBeAtTheBarIfYouNeedMe]

Whenever they run me a bath I will disappear off the face of the earth but as soon as they touch the taps to run themselves one I will appear, stark naked, at the bathroom door. Smiling...

And everyday, they will pack me off to the seniors day club looking smart and presentable with nice tights and tidy hair and I will return to them looking like I've been set on by dogs no matter how short the trip will be...

[weeblueberry]

I plan on going into my eldest's room and crawling into bed with her. Just letting her go back to sleep and then sitting bolt upright when I will ask for a dummy/drink/Sitch toy/to play on her phone/episode of Umizoomi.

I will do this every night for a year.

[MartinaJ]

You're BU. I hope my DD will have at least 3 children like her. That would be a good revenge.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

I plan on sitting up in bed at 5am and screaming "yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!" At the top of my voice until DD walks in and asks me to please lay back down because it's not time to wake up yet.....

[grannytomine]

I always said when they got their own houses I was going to visit and bounce up and down on the furniture. I haven't got round to it .............. yet.

[grannytomine]

When mine became teenagers I found it really satisfying to vacuum the house on a Saturday morning. Apparently I was very thoughtless as they wanted to sleep till mid afternoon.

[cheapandcheerful]

I'm going to crank the volume up on my CD player, burst into her bedroom wearing full disco-attire and scream at her until she comes and dances with me.

[ToriaPumpkin]

I'm going to go into DS and pry his eyes open. If it's a paticularly bad day I'm going to add "Do you wanna build a snowmaaaaan?"

With DD I'm going to sit on the floor beside my bed screaming for help and then when she runs in assuming I'm hurt I'm going to ask her to move my hot water bottle six millimetres to the left, snuggle back down and go to sleep.