AIBU to not refill her lunchbox?

[Joolsy]

I make DD (yr 7) a lovely substantial, healthy-ish lunch for school every day. She comes home from school and I have to ask her at least 3 times to empty it. I then wash it up and refill it for the next day. I've said to her, if she doesn't empty it, I won't refill it.

I'm sick and tired of asking her several times every day to do this simple job. Same again today - lunchbox is still in her school bag. I've asked her twice so am now considering not asking her again, then tomorrow she'll go to grab her lunch from the fridge and it won't be there.

WIBU in the hope she'll learn to do it without nagging? My only hesitation in doing this is that she'll be in a mad panic and will make us all late for school/work etc while she/I rush around sorting out her lunch.

[pollyblack]

What is everybody emptying out of lunchboxes? Don't they have bins at your kids schools? My kids lunch boxes come home empty.

[frazzledbutcalm]

Our kids are not allowed to empty their rubbish from pack lunch into school dining area bins

Many schools have this same policy. Absolutely daft.

[Notso]

Even my three year old puts his lunch in the box.
I make the sandwiches/salads and put them on the side. Then kids help themselves from the fridge, fruit bowl and their snack boxes.

[londonrach]

I used to make mine at secondary school as did all my friends. Is this. A new thing? Op i would ask once and if she doesnt bring it just get the lunch ready as normal. She either have to was the box herself or use a bag, i bet a couple of days of her having to wash the box she be bringing it straight away to you.

[HSMMaCM]

I'm not suggesting withdrawing food as a punishment, but she's been told to sort out her lunchbox ready for it to be filled. If she doesn't empty it and doesn't get up in time to make her lunch, then she has none or buys done. She won't starve. She's 12 not 3.

No problem with op making the lunch if she wants to, but her DD should help by returning the box at least.

[SoupDragon]

If children are not allowed to attempt to make their own lunch (and the mess, timescale, "faff" etc) are not tolerated, how on earth are they supposed to build life skills and become independent?

Lol. Making a packed lunch isn't a life skill. Regardless, if they can't make a sandwich, I suspect they have bigger problems than lunch. Mine are quite capable of it but I can get it all done in under 5 minutes whilst they faff about with last minute school things.

[selly24]

Ok so "making a packed lunch" per se might not be on the tick list of life skills but the skills doing something simple like this build, aare.
( planning, organization, self discipline, creating a balanced meal...

[Bogeyface]

Again selly

Do you have teenagers?

[Bogeyface]

Ours are not allowed to empty their lunchboxes at school either, which I like because it means that I can see exactly what they have eaten. Now I can see if one bite has been taken out of the sandwich and the rest left, I can tell if lunch items have been swapped etc.

[BertrandRussell]

Wish we could time shift 15 years and read all the the furious threads from women blaming their MILs because "he's so useless" "he makes such a mess it's easier to do it myself"................

[BertrandRussell]

And for the record I do make ds's lunch. But in exchange he takes the dog for a quick hurtle, which means that I can then have a peaceful cup of coffee once the house is empty. Otherwise she would be bouncing off the ceiling for a walk. With the edge off her energy I get half an hour. I reckon I win that trade off.

[Bogeyface]

But thats the point Bertrand isnt it? Making their own packed lunch isnt the last word in teaching kids how to look after themselves.

DS (10) knows how to make sandwiches, in fact on Sunday tea times he is very disappointed if he isnt able to make everyones sarnies yet he has never made his own packed lunch. I am confident that he could if he needed to but it works easier in our family if I do it. He knows how to sort lights from darks, where to put the washing liquid and what program to use on the washing machine. They all know how to use the dryer, how to fold clothes, how to strip and remake a bed. They take it in turns to search for recipes on line for the ingredients we have and help make dinner.

We have tidy up time, we have chores. DD will go to uni in September far more able to look after herself than 90% of her college peers. I still make her lunch!

[mathanxiety]

She should be making her own lunch by this age.

Stop doing it for her. Tell her you are confident she will do a great job, and then do not interfere ever again.

[Bogeyface]

she should be making her own lunch by this age
:o

OK.

So imagine that you have a home with an 18 yr old, a 14 yr old, an 11 yr old, a 10 yr old and a 4 yr old, as I have.

The 4 yr old gets her made, which is ok by MN standards. Can you imagine the absolute carnage that would ensue if each of the other 4 made their own lunch on a school day? The mess, the demands for our limited workspace (dont forget the arguments about "SHE used the last of the ham and she knows I hate cheese" etc) along with the chaos that is them using the bathroom every morning? We have a strict budget too, so one child using all of the ham on their own lunch when it was bought to feed 4 is not just a "life skill lesson" but a fucking disaster financially if that happened every day for a week!

In a perfect world, yes they would make their own lunches, do their own laundry and cook at least one family meal a week.

In reality, I do all of the above and involve them individually in a manageable way so that they learn the life skills they need, without causing absolute mayhem.

[MyFriendsCallMeOh]

My 7 yo makes her own lunch, as does my 11 yo. They know what to put in and how to do it. Why should you do her lunch? She won't even meet you halfway and empty out her lunchbox.

Sit down with her at a convenient time and work out a plan for lunches, whether it's forming a habit for emptying her lunchbox or you asking her to make it herself. Put a plan into action that you both agree with, including who is allowed to remind her and how, write up a contract if necessary, shake on it and revisit it in a week.

[mathanxiety]

I have five DCs. They all made their own lunches for school from about age 8 on. First to the task got the best lunch or at least the least pawed lunch fixings. Same went for bathroom use, and getting to the sock and underwear bin.

They managed to adhere to a few rules about lunch prep -- not being greedy with sandwich fillings, cleaning up after themselves. 'Not being greedy' was one they sometimes tried to define whatever way suited them, but mostly they understood it meant no more than two slices of cold meats and cheese each.

[Ifailed]

The packed lunch thing is a red herring, this is about the OP's DS not doing a simple thing - emptying her lunch box - despite repeated requests. This is the issue that needs addressing. If you can talk to her about it, maybe at another time over the weekend, you may be able to find out why she wont do it?

[budgiegirl]

She should be making her own lunch by this age

Ah, I just love mumsnet!!

I still make packed lunches for my teenagers (15 and 13). I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Just the same as I make them dinner each night.

At the weekend they help with washing, grass cutting, cleaning the house, make their own lunch, and cook the occasional meal. Because we work as a team. So in the week, when they are busy with school, homework and clubs, I make their lunch.

However, OP, I think you just need to get tougher on your DD. Just tell her no tv/phone etc until lunchbox is emptied.

[curren]

I don't get the 'they should make their own lunch' either.

Me or dh do all the packed lunches like we do the tea. Ds is five so we are doing his anyway.

The issue is ignoring a simple request. Which needs tackling.

[CakeNinja]

Dd2 is 10 and has made her own lunch for years (since she started juniors so 3 years) because she wouldn't empty her lunchbox each evening and kept leaving it out for me in the mornings with empty little pots of olives half open with juice all dripping everywhere, mixing in with a Half eaten yoghurt and a few crisp crumbs crunching around in the mix with a skanky spoon.
I have a thing about lunch boxes anyway but in the end I told her she was now responsible for her own lunch as I wasn't touching it anymore.

My dd1 is also in year 7, she buys her lunches at school, thank god!!

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

My unbotn foetus gets her own packed lunch ready every morning and makes a three course dinner for the whole family every evening.

[Artandco]

I don't see how making lunches alone defines your future

If Dh was making a lunch, he would make everyone one if they needed one. I would do the same. We wouldn't just make our own.

[PixieChops]

At 9 I was making my own lunch and rinsing my own lunch box out. We didn't have a dishwasher so had to use my hands
Think your DD needs to become responsible for her own lunch now OP. She may even enjoy sorting out her own lunch and not see it as a chore.

[YouTheCat]

I can see the logic that if you're making lunches for younger children, you might as well make the older ones' lunches as well but I don't know if that is the case for the OP. It's besides the point as the OP's dd isn't pulling her weight regarding emptying her lunchbox or doing as she's asked.

I think, in this case, that a day or two of being hungry at lunchtime might get her off her bum. If that doesn't work, I second the withdrawing of phone/internet until these small jobs are done.

[Choughed]

Seriously you are doing yourself no favours. She is perfectly capable of making her own lunch. My 7 yo does hers, with some help from me. If she doesn't clean out her lunch box then she has to have school dinners. That's enough of an incentive for her