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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you snatch your children?

72 replies

KolaKoola · 13/03/2016 21:36

Ok, just really fallen out with DP over this whilst watching 'suffragette'.

So if you lived in Victorian time and your ex partner took your DC and refused to let you see them ever again, would you try to snatch them?

I said I would want my ex to compromise, as I would be more than happy to but if there was no chance of this then yes I would snatch them.

He said what would give you the right, you'd be just as bad... I said no, I would be happy to compromise but forced into the position of having to take them.

Follow massive row Angry

Aibu?

OP posts:
Bananatroopers · 14/03/2016 08:14

Where are people getting information about his ex from?

Chocolatteaddict1 · 14/03/2016 08:14

In op last post she says he 'reluctantly' told her to go back to the other side of the country ( with the kids) as she wasn't coping.

That's why he couldnt see your point op. Because if it was any other normal person they would be trying to bend over backwards to facilitate her = kids staying, he doesn't look like he has put any kind of fight up for his kids so that's why he answered you the way he did.

Why is she not coping ?

curren · 14/03/2016 08:16

He basically told her to take the kids and fook of

That's not what the op said

Chocolatteaddict1 · 14/03/2016 08:19

Well if ex goes (at his suggestion) the kids are too.

So I think he basically said that.

Fourormore · 14/03/2016 08:21

"He reluctantly suggested..."

"He told her to take the kids and fuck off".

Yeah, same thing. Hmm

Chocolatteaddict1 · 14/03/2016 08:24

No, no, your right four op worded it much more nicely

Chocolatteaddict1 · 14/03/2016 08:26

Any father worth his salt would have been doing his best to keep those kids near him meaning that he gave his ex his full support. But he 'suggested' they went and lived else where. Confused

curren · 14/03/2016 08:29

Any father worth his salt would have been doing his best to keep those kids near him meaning that he gave his ex his full support. But he 'suggested' they went and lived else where.

you have no clue what's gone on. You could be right. Or he could be doing all he can but knows it's best for her and the kids that they go to where she has support.

You are assuming a lot.

sleeponeday · 14/03/2016 08:33

No, hang on. Full support from an ex is not the same as someone living in their own country, near their family and childhood friends, where they feel familiar and comfortable with everything.

He could be a shit ex who offered little support, and when asked for more, suggested she went back to her own country where she could cope. Or he could be a good dad and ex who recognises that his ex was never happy in his own area, and that she would be if she went home, and that the kids can't be chopped in two, and primarily live with their mum, so will also leave.

Either could be true.

Doesn't make what he said about the film less obnoxious, though. He has input, he has legal rights, he has contact. Being indignant about the portrayal of men when the film is about the slave status of women at the time is deeply, deeply obnoxious.

sleeponeday · 14/03/2016 08:34

X post with Curran.

blindsider · 14/03/2016 08:42

Your husband sounds like a bit of a simpleton.

Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 08:46

Completely agree sleep.

She isn't coping, it's a long story.

He works full time and has DC every weekend. He has a debilitating condition. She was physically abusive during their relationship. She's taken DC up there once before for 6 months and it broke DP's heart.

She resents our relationship as we got together soon after he left her. I am now pregnant and this is giving her more reason to leave, although she says that isn't the reason.

She has no family and few friends here.

DP can't leave work to become primary cater for his DC.

It's very difficult.

OP posts:
sleeponeday · 14/03/2016 09:01

Kola I don't mean to be brutal, but if she was physically abusive to him during the relationship and he has to have them every single weekend to give her a break, how in the world are those children safe if she has them fulltime, alone? Why can't he suggest he is primary carer and pay a child minder to have them, outside school hours, as most single parents have to? And are you sure the version you are getting is the truth, because again, I'm sorry to be brutal, but it just does not add up.

If my children were at risk of physical abuse at the hands of my ex, and I had them more of the time than she did in terms of waking hours spent at home, then my solution to her struggling to cope at all would not be his suggestion that she takes them miles and miles away where she has them 24/7.

How long have you been with him, if you don't mind me asking?

Chocolatteaddict1 · 14/03/2016 09:01

I apologise if I was way off. kola

sleeponeday · 14/03/2016 09:05

Also, if she went up there for six months and came back, then presumably it didn't work out for her there - which must have been horribly disruptive for the children. I don't see why a redux would help her, let alone them?

Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 09:07

Sleep it's one child, she has lots of family she's very close to who help her with childcare.

Which part do you think doesn't add up? Do you mean her reasons?

OP posts:
Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 09:07

She had to come back to her job, she didn't have a choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 09:09

We have been together two years. She was physically abusive to him, and has been charged with GBH in the past towards another women as a teenager but she is not violent towards DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 09:10

By all accounts I think she is a good and patient mother but a horrendous partner.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 14/03/2016 09:14

Oh dear. Shame you had an argument about this but it's things like this that can bring up festering issues.

Had you had a drink, either of you? That can make you more firey and argumentative I find. I was watching Spectre the other night with DH and I kept making snidey remarks for a while then realised that it was the wine talking and to stop overthinking it! Not quite the same thing but about small little details that might have washed over me or had just made me raise one eyebrow if I hadn't been on the Pinot Grin

Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 09:17

Yes Tatty he'd had a couple of glasses of wine, probably didn't help!

OP posts:
DG2016 · 14/03/2016 10:19

I think a man having his chidlren every weekend is hardly onerous. He should try half the week and having to juggle child care like the rest of us have to do who have our children and work full time! He has it really easy just having them 2 days out of 7.

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