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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you snatch your children?

72 replies

KolaKoola · 13/03/2016 21:36

Ok, just really fallen out with DP over this whilst watching 'suffragette'.

So if you lived in Victorian time and your ex partner took your DC and refused to let you see them ever again, would you try to snatch them?

I said I would want my ex to compromise, as I would be more than happy to but if there was no chance of this then yes I would snatch them.

He said what would give you the right, you'd be just as bad... I said no, I would be happy to compromise but forced into the position of having to take them.

Follow massive row Angry

Aibu?

OP posts:
fakenamefornow · 13/03/2016 22:04

I don't know.

I haven't seen the film but Victoria England, DH kicks me out, says I can never see the children again, law on his side. I would want to take them but if that meant being on the run with them, nowhere for them to live, no money to feed them, they might be better off staying with dad and I would have to put their needs above mine.

Brokenbiscuit · 13/03/2016 22:06

I would snatch my dd in a heartbeat if that was my only chance of seeing her. However, in this day and age, I'd go to court to get access instead.

Your DH is an idiot if he thinks that his current situation and the one in the film are comparable. They are not.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 13/03/2016 22:17

I wouldn't so much as hesitate. I think this may be one of those fundamental difference things. I think the sheer extent of historical sexism has led to women being far fiercer (in general, obviously) when it comes to their children.

MLGs · 13/03/2016 23:42

Your dh is being a knob. I'm sure I would snatch mine too.

However, am also keen to see 12 years a Dave.

Is it a film about Dave Cameron?

Arfarfanarf · 13/03/2016 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 13/03/2016 23:49

I think he needs a bit of leeway given to him and a bit of understanding to be honest. He is clearly just projecting because of the situation going on with his wife taking his children away to Scotland, which is upsetting him.

UmbongoUnchained · 13/03/2016 23:57

I would definitely snatch my daughter back if my ex decided to take her.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/03/2016 00:02

It is a pointless discussion in itself. In Victorian England, if you had left your DH then you would have very few options. If you were clever and able you might have done as one of my distant relatives seems to have done, and got on a boat to the US because she had family there. But mostly you would have been a second class person.
The Suffragettes were mostly Edwardian though.
It's pointless to view what women did then through the prism of our expectations today.

antiqueroadhoe · 14/03/2016 00:04

10 years a Dave

VertigoNun · 14/03/2016 00:06

10 years a Dave, the story of one man and his evil friend Osbourne!

Atenco · 14/03/2016 02:03

"I think he needs a bit of leeway given to him and a bit of understanding to be honest. He is clearly just projecting because of the situation going on with his wife taking his children away to Scotland, which is upsetting him"

This

I didn't see the film, but I can't imagine leaving a child of mine in a horrible situation but you wouldn't really want your dh to snatch his children, would you?

Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 06:50

He came to bed last night and told me his ex wife had messaged him yesterday and told him she's taking his DC to live in Scotland.

I knew something was wrong because of the way she was behaving but he is rather secretive and didn't tell me anything. It makes me feel like a bit of a mug as I do tell him pretty much everything to do with my DC.

He said he didn't tell me as he knew I'd be on his ex's side which is utter rubbish.

OP posts:
curren · 14/03/2016 06:58

Is he usually like this?

Or did watching the film after finding out that out just make him feel irrationally pissed off.

Honestly it's pointless argument, though. You have no idea what you would do. I haven't seen the movie. But did the woman have her own income or would the kids lived in poverty.

Because I can see why someone would attempt to snatch them and I can see why they wouldn't. Especially at the time this film was based.

Arguing over what you would do when you can't possibly understand what it's like to live in those times is pointless.

Original poster
KolaKoola · 14/03/2016 07:02

It was more the point that I felt he was being completely unsupportive to the cause and wilfully obtuse.

Now I know he was feeling very angry towards his ex wife and the system it kind of explains his attitude. Although he is the one who reluctantly suggested she went back there is she couldn't cope here in southern England.

OP posts:
curren · 14/03/2016 07:09

Tbh he has more going on than 'the cause' and at that moment that was his over whelming feeling.

He may have suggested it and may think it's for the best his ex and his kids. Doesn't mean he has to be very happy about it.

Fourormore · 14/03/2016 07:17

Goodness, what a complete lack of empathy. Haven't seen the film so can't comment there. Would I snatch my children? In modern times? No. I wouldn't put my children through that. They aren't a possession to be "snatched". I would apply for an emergency court order, however. Back then? As others have said it would depend on my ability to provide for them. Their needs being met (food, housing, clothing) is more important than my need to be with my children.

Your DH can apply to the court to prevent his DC being moved away. He can't stop his ex moving but he can ask that his children don't move up there too.

And perhaps I'm missing the point but if he snatched them and you snatched them back and I am failing to see why he is morally wrong and you are morally right.

redhat · 14/03/2016 07:34

Clearly his own circumstances have affected his response and I think you are being unfair. You are implying that he doesn't care enough about his children to fight them being taken to Scotland and it isn't as simple as that. Assuming you didn't know what was going on with the children when you had the conversation it is an astonishingly unfortunate coincidence. If he already knew though then it is natural that he would feel defensive.

maydancer · 14/03/2016 07:44

I sympathise with your op art his children. His ex is being an utter bitch to take DC so far a way from their parent (sad)

cdtaylornats · 14/03/2016 07:47

Of course in Victorian times you would be an outcast, hunted by the police, and on the streets. As you had kidnapped the child you couldn't even go to the workhouse.

NickiFury · 14/03/2016 07:48

He suggested she went because she wasn't coping May. Clearly she has little support here. How does that make her an utter bitch?

whois · 14/03/2016 07:57

In Victorian times, how on earth would you have supported your child? Where would you have loved? What work would you have done?

It's not as easy as 'snatch them' and live happily ever after.

bakeoffcake · 14/03/2016 08:05

I think many people on here are in complete ignorance as to what life was like for women. My own grandmother left her H as he was a violent alcoholic, in the mid 1940s. A year later he snatch their toddler from her. Her Ex told her if she tried to get him back he would kill her. Today he'd have been arrested and the child returned to her. In those days she didn't stand a chance.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 14/03/2016 08:06

He basically told her to take the kids and fook off.

Fourormore · 14/03/2016 08:08

Can you see posts that I can't, chocolateaddict?

Toraleistripe · 14/03/2016 08:10

It's not Victorian times. I am a historical pedant I know but get your eras right!

Anyway. It is a pointless discussion. Made me laugh though. We had a massive row once over how we would spend our lottery jackpot. We don't even do the lottery!

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