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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about weight comment

40 replies

Colabottle10 · 13/03/2016 18:44

I'm feeling thoroughly upset

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and really showing quite a lot. I was a size 14 before I got pregnant after losing over 3st going from a size 20. I've put weight on. I know I have. I'm back in my 16/18 clothes. I feel crap. Had an awful pregnancy so far and still suffering sickness and gagging. Still on medication. So I'm not in a good place.

Today I managed to get showered and dressed smartly and drive the hour to my brothers to celebrate his 40th bday. We have a lovely meal out with him and his wife and 2 kids, wife's parents and sister.

Heading back to his to have tea and birthday cake. I'd been joking with the children about the cake only being for adults and that I'd eaten it all up when sister in laws dad says in front of everyone 'well that's why your so fat then'. I couldn't believe it. I walked out.

I feel awful. Why do people think it's ok to comment?

OP posts:

rogueantimatter · 13/03/2016 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pinkheart5915 · 13/03/2016 18:49

He more than likely meant it in a jokey way but nevertheless it was still rude.
I never know why people comment on pregnant women's weight, Your pregnant growing baby.

rogueantimatter · 13/03/2016 19:05

I agree. He was very rude. Try not to waste another second thinking about it/him. Much more important things to concentrate on.

GabiSolis · 13/03/2016 19:08

Some people just don't seem to understand when they shouldn't comment. And they will not be challenged on it. They are vile. Of course YANBU but try not to dwell too much on the comments of such a nasty person.

A friend's grandad said something similar to me when I was 13. He was a nasty piece of work and the fact that nearly 20 years later I can still remember the incident shows what an impact words can have.

Fairylea · 13/03/2016 19:09

People can be so rude about weight, I feel for you. My mum is the same, she thinks if she says something to people they will suddenly somehow miraculously realise how fat they are (as if they don't know already!) and suddenly lose weight. I don't know how on earth my gran ever put up with her - my gran was a size 26 most of her adult life and was very happy with her size. My mum is a size 10 and the most miserable person I know, that's not to say being slim etc makes someone miserable, but I'm just saying there are more important things to worry about than someone's size.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/03/2016 19:24

Did anyone say anything??

Did you say anything or literally just stand up and leave?

Nobody's called you or text you?!

Don't let him get to you. I know that's easier said than done. He sounds like a thoughtless arse, even if it was a joke it's not bloody funny!

RunnerOnTheRun · 13/03/2016 19:27

It's clearly a joke!!!

He said: "that's why you're so fat" as in...."you're not pregnant, you just ate the cake!" it was a silly way of trying to be funny. Don't take it personally!

PovertyPain · 13/03/2016 19:31

^It's clearly a joke!!!

He said: "that's why you're so fat" as in...."you're not pregnant, you just ate the cake!" it was a silly way of trying to be funny. Don't take it personally!^

Seriously? I really hope you keep your 'humour' to yourself when your with people who are self conscious about their weight.

AtSea1979 · 13/03/2016 19:33

I also assumed he mean as oppose to being pregnant not actually fat.
Sorry your having a difficult time but you do sound rather sensitive!

RunnerOnTheRun · 13/03/2016 19:35

Seriously? I really hope you keep your 'humour' to yourself when your with people who are self conscious about their weight.

Of course. But we are talking an older man, who knows nothing about a pregnant woman being self conscious about her weight! If you take it in context, he wasn't being horrid on purpose.

PerryHatter · 13/03/2016 19:35

Runner no...'that's why you're so fat' is exactly that - stating he thinks the OP is fat.

ExplodingCarrots · 13/03/2016 19:38

The 'well I can lose weight, you'll always be a cunt' comment always works well for me.

He was a really rude.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/03/2016 19:38

I don't know.

You'd want to be particularly dense to say that to someone who is fuller figured, wouldn't you?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 13/03/2016 19:39

I think the Aspergers comment is just as shitty as the fat comment to be honest

Original poster

Colabottle10 · 13/03/2016 19:39

It wasn't a joke. He said it straight faced.

There was silence and then everyone berated him. I'm said goodbye to my brother and left.

I've had numerous texts apologising for him. He's a horrible man with a horrible man.

I shall berate myself for being sensitive and take my fat arse off for a chocolate bar.

OP posts:

Rainbunny · 13/03/2016 19:39

The only possible less-awful take on his comment could be that he knows you're pregnant and was making a stupid joke as a sort of deliberate play on you being pregnant and not fat... I don't know if I'm making sense here.

However, if you know this man and know he was being a deliberate arse I'm glad you walked out OP. What a nasty thing to say to someone in that case. He should be made aware when he is hurting someone.

ctjoy103 · 13/03/2016 19:39

Sorry I don't think you joke around about a person's weight, least of all a pregnant woman! Yanbu op.

specialsubject · 13/03/2016 19:41

un-requested negative comments on appearance are NEVER needed and NEVER funny. Well done on not hitting him.

pregnancy means getting bigger. But pregnant or not, that was an insult.

rise above it, the man is an arse.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 13/03/2016 19:42

He was incredibly rude.

And "it was just a joke!" is the constant get out clause of bullies everywhere. Doesn't make it okay.

OP.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/03/2016 19:42

I'm so glad you got apologies, though they shouldn't have to apologise for him. He's responsible for what he said. I'll bet it's not the first time they've been embarrassed for him.

Also very pleased to hear he was berated!

Fuck him! Don't let him get you down. Imagine being that sort of person, wouldn't that be worse than having a couple of extra pounds on??

Topseyt · 13/03/2016 19:42

He was very rude.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Concentrate on that and your future baby. Give him no further headspace.

I hope someone else pulled him up on it when you left.

Topseyt · 13/03/2016 19:44

Ah, I see they did. Good.

albertcampionscat · 13/03/2016 19:51

Asperger's is not the same as rudeness. He's just a knob.

RunnerOnTheRun · 13/03/2016 19:54

Glad they apologised! In the context you say that it was, I agree he was completely out of order. When I said it was just a joke I wasn't picturing someone saying it stoney faced but someone trying to be funny. I'm sorry!

greatscott81 · 13/03/2016 19:56

I can't imagine why a poster would think Asperger's leads to rudeness. My brother has Asperger's and would never dream of being so insensitive. A hurtful and unnecessary comment.

OP, on a another note, I really hope you can try not to take this to heart - you are pregnant, a beautiful thing and weight gain is one of the many side effects. Who is he to judge whether you've gained too much? Ignore the stupid comment and look forward to the exciting times to come x

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