AIBU to be fed up of being told I 'only work part-time' because I work compressed hours.

[KitKat1985]

I probably am being unreasonable but it's been one of those weeks so I guess I just need to vent a bit. I work as a nurse in the NHS. I work full-time hours but I have a flexible working agreement with so as that I work them in a compressed way (so I work three 13 and a half hour shifts a week). It's a busy and stressful ward and the long shifts are a killer, but I do it because I need a full-time wage coming in but we can only afford for DD to go to nursery 2 days a week (my third day at work that I do is always at the weekend when DH is off so we don't need paid childcare for this day). My work days are a 5.30am start and I don't get home until nearly 10pm (if I get out on time!) and I often work through my breaks (unpaid). It also obviously means there are three whole days a week that I don't get to see DD at all, which does upset me sometimes (I always think she's wondering where Mummy has gone today - she's only 18 months). The ward I work in a lot of people work 5 shorter shifts a week, or do a lot of extra shifts, so I get a lot of comments that I only work part-time as I 'only' work 3 days a week when most staff are in 5 or more days a week. My manager has even told me it's unlikely I will be accepted for a recent promotion opportunity due to my current working hours. On top of this I feel I am expected to do 90% of the work around the house because I 'only work 3 days a week' and family and friends always expect me to able to do various things for the same reason, as since I only work 3 days a week I must always be free to attend x, y or z. Yes I know it's nice to have 4 days off a week (and I know I'm lucky as I know many don't have this opportunity) but I guess I resent the assumption that working compressed hours is somehow the 'easy' option. AIBU?

Bonni - I absolutely agree with the positives of doing compressed hours.

Prior to having DS I had a Mon-Fri job, 9-5 hours and when I planned to return after maternity leave I asked to reduce my hours as I didn't want to be away from DS that long. However, they said no and so I resigned and got my current nursing job which enables me to have 4 days a week at home.

I imagine a lot of people probably would be envious but it does have its downsides too. I leave my house at 06.50 and don't get home until 21.30pm, which is a long, long tiring day, and when I do that two days in a row I am exhausted by the end of it. I think we spend half our time off just recovering from the shifts we do, I never feel particularly sprightly on my days of and usually I don't have the energy to do anything of quality with DS anyway.

My shifts also mean that as I have to work one weekend day there is only one day in the week where me, DH and DS can spend time together and sometimes I'm too tired to even enjoy that. Some weeks I work Saturday and Sunday which means we have no quality time together as a family. Plus, I doubt many other parents only see their child for a total of 1 hour in the space of 48 hours due to their shift patterns.

On the days we're off we do all the childcare, the housework, the cooking, the admin jobs, the shopping etc We have to take the children out to groups, play dates, attend social events, visit the family with the children etc and all because we're the ones at home whilst our partners work "full time". I think parents with such compressed hours have the role of a SAHP whilst working full time too.

On the surface the concept of only working three days a week may seem wonderful but the reality of it is actually quite the opposite.

I'm not being a martyr because I do love my job and I appreciate that there are benefits to doing compressed hours but there are also a lot of downsides too when it comes to home and family life.

I often wonder whether I should have stayed in my previous job where ok, DS would have spent more time in childcare but it meant I would see him every day, be there for every bedtime, I wouldn't be exhausted 90% of the time, I could have every weekend off to spend with my DH and DS as a family and things would be much more equally split in terms of childcare, housework and household duties as opposed to be being responsible for about 80% of it all because I'm at home more than DH is.

I'd say "walk a mile in my shoes". not only do you work long hard hours, but by the time you get home you have the time for 6 hours sleep (allowing for time time eat/shower)which are interrupted by DC.
On your off days you can't sleep because you are up with your child.
On top of doing a job, that is relentless, with high levels of responsibility, emotional involvement & supporting pain & discomfort in patients & frequently unhappy visitors & rubbish pay to boot.

It sounds like your DH is taking the piss too.
Once DC is in bed, he can tidy up like anyone else. 99% of mothers

I do the same shift pattern.
Positives include not paying for childcare as my dcs are with xh during my working days. However it does mean I don't see them at all for three days a week. What I wouldn't give for a 9-5 job.

Bloody hell you work hard. No advice but as an actual part timer I take my hat off to you

Twojumpingbeans - just seen your comment. I've caught myself saying "I only work this day" etc and have made sure I removed the word only. I get paid less because I work less. Nothing to be ashamed of.

"Ah, you lightweights who skive off home after 8 hours. Must be nice..."

To each and every comment about number of days.

Bonnie I don't deny there are advantages to working compressed hours (or else I wouldn't be working them)! But I do feel less respected as work because of the hours I do, and feel as though I end up doing more overall over the course of a week as I seem to end up doing the majority of the domestic stuff and childcare because of the way my hours work out. Plus I find it hard when I don't get to see DD all day and I get envious of people who get to see their kids each day.

KitKat you are a and doing a bloody good job. Get that man of yours to pull his weight a bit more and tell rest to go fuck themselves - part time my arse!

for you.

I work as a TAP in A&E and work 3 long days a week plus my uni day in the middle of the week. DS goes to nursery 2 days a week, one day is my uni day and the other day I work. I have to work all weekend, every weekend, due to OH working mon-fri. I leave home at 7am and get home just after 9pm. It sucks but it's not forever I keep telling myself and I've never had anyone refer to my working hours as part time. They would certainly see the error of their ways if they dared

Oh and my ds doesn't sleep.....wakes at least 4 times a night. Every. Fucking. Night.

So let me get this right; You work ft hours, so does your dh. You do 3 days childcare your dh does 1. You get home at 10pm 3 days a week your dh gets home at 6.30 5 days a week. You do all of the housework. This is not a fair split with your dh. If you're expected to do housework whilst taking care of the baby then so should he. If he isn't expected to do housework when he gets in then neither should you.

I feel you! Do nowhere near the type of stressful job you do, but I've compressed my office job into four days because I was struggling with five days, plus working self employed two evenings and Sundays. Felt I never saw my DC! Much better balance like this, but I do find I use that extra day to keep on top of the house, rather than pure play and rest. As PP said, it's so hard because on those 'rest' days you still have to be on the go from early doors because of the DC, whereas in my case DH manages to sleep through on his days off. Never works for me

TwoJumpingBeans - you need to change the terminology (and e-mail sign off) to "My working days are Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday" (or whatever they are, obviously ) rather than emphasising the part timeness of it.

Another person here who is concerned that I could be being looked after by a nurse, at 9pm, who started her shift at 5.30am . I understand the benefits of fewer commutes and fewer days childcare, but question how well anyone can be doing such a crucial job for so long on one shift.

If I worked those kind of shifts, I would find it very hard not the go radio mental at the next person who said I worked part time!

My concern here is not whether you are full time or part time but whether, from a patient perspective, you are safe to work such very long hours. As your shift comes to an end you must be so tired and therefore more likely to make mistakes that could be harmful to your patients. Long hours worked by clinicians is at the centre of the junior Drs' strike action as they are unsafe hours.

YANBU

However ... if it is a situation where your colleagues are routinely staying beyond their contracted hours anyway and not being paid for it but you are (because you are being paid for those compressed hours), then in a way, it IS part time, or less than your ft colleagues. That would not be your fault, but could be a reason for the perception.

I really feel for you. Working compressed hours is not an easy option and in no way part time!!! We have a lot of people at work who do 4 days in 5 and I always think this must be hard - but your arrangement is even harder!
My only suggestion is to make it as clear as possible to friends/family etc who are making requests or demands of you that you are not available as you haven't seen DC for the past 2 days. I would feel exactly the same as you in your situation. You are a very hard working mum and that should be recognised.
By the way I think all the staff in the NHS are amazing and I thank you for all your hard work.

Part Time . I'd be telling them right where to go.

In terms of promotions though, flexible working agreements put pay to that full stop ime. The agreement is for your role only, and promotions are always full time normal pattern. The company I work for its amazing what you can get agreed but it sticks you on the same grade. Its not right but my work/ life balance is great and is ultimately more important.