AIBU to be fed up of being told I 'only work part-time' because I work compressed hours.

[KitKat1985]

I probably am being unreasonable but it's been one of those weeks so I guess I just need to vent a bit. I work as a nurse in the NHS. I work full-time hours but I have a flexible working agreement with so as that I work them in a compressed way (so I work three 13 and a half hour shifts a week). It's a busy and stressful ward and the long shifts are a killer, but I do it because I need a full-time wage coming in but we can only afford for DD to go to nursery 2 days a week (my third day at work that I do is always at the weekend when DH is off so we don't need paid childcare for this day). My work days are a 5.30am start and I don't get home until nearly 10pm (if I get out on time!) and I often work through my breaks (unpaid). It also obviously means there are three whole days a week that I don't get to see DD at all, which does upset me sometimes (I always think she's wondering where Mummy has gone today - she's only 18 months). The ward I work in a lot of people work 5 shorter shifts a week, or do a lot of extra shifts, so I get a lot of comments that I only work part-time as I 'only' work 3 days a week when most staff are in 5 or more days a week. My manager has even told me it's unlikely I will be accepted for a recent promotion opportunity due to my current working hours. On top of this I feel I am expected to do 90% of the work around the house because I 'only work 3 days a week' and family and friends always expect me to able to do various things for the same reason, as since I only work 3 days a week I must always be free to attend x, y or z. Yes I know it's nice to have 4 days off a week (and I know I'm lucky as I know many don't have this opportunity) but I guess I resent the assumption that working compressed hours is somehow the 'easy' option. AIBU?

I also work like crumpettytree and have a band 7 role and 3dc. Don't be put off, it is possible...

You are not BU for feeling as you do, KitKat, but I do have to admit that my main concern about your situation is with regard for your patients.

I do have to admit that if I was in a particularly vulnerable state, I would not like to think that my nursing care was being given by someone who was at the tail end of a 13.5 hour shift!

Should add, that I am not suggesting in any way that you don't always give of your best. Just feeling rather despairing of a system that demands this.

I do the same but in 4 days. I had a totally random convo with my boss about how best to arrange my hours and she was uncharacteristically snippy about the other two members of staff having to pick up extra work. I was fairly boggled - I work exactly the same number of hours they do, so there is no need for them to be doing anything 'extra'... That was definitely not how it was supposed to work - I'm more than capable of completing my workload. So I asked them - I was really worried in case I had been unintentionally shafting them. They looked at me as though I was bonkers and said they weren't doing my work at all, no idea where she got that from. I think people have some odd ideas about compressed work weeks to be honest.

Kudos to you for doing it in 3 days. It's hard enough in 4!!

kit Kat I'm in the same boat as you!! I do 3 12 hour days so slightly less!

I'm constantly getting people telling me how easy it is that I work part time ! Would love them to try if for a week!!!

ADishBestEatenCold I get your point (and I know you don't mean it in an unpleasant way) although to be honest I am usually slightly more concerned about the staff who are full-time but are constantly picking up extra shifts as the ward is short-staffed (a lot of staff where I work do 70-hour weeks, which is I guess why I'm viewed as a part-timer by so many people).

nodding off my PT job is 39 hours a week.. The full time would be about double that. All relative.

Hang on, you say you're doing housework on your "days off". Aren't you looking after your DD on those days? If you can look after her and do housework then so can your DH.

I do prefer my long shifts to short however. Where I used to work they often get anyone to take over at the end of your short shift so you ended up stuck there for no pay I.e instead of being paid 07:15-21:15 for a long day you would work 07:15- 19/20:00 but only be paid up to 15:30 with a vague promise to get your hours back at another time (never happens). I have done all my mandatory training in my own time as well for the last 5 years. I probably have nearly a month off in hours 'owed' to me.

You have one DD and yourself and DH. How much housework are we talking about here?

Take a look at the various jobs that need doing, and estimate how much time they take, along with interruption tome from the baby.

Is there any appliance you don't currently have that might cut down time? Do you have a dryer? Dishwasher? Freezer so you can prepare meals ahead and then just thaw them out?

Take a look at what needs doing -- is a lot of it simply picking up after you or DH or both of you? If so, then get better habits.

How much can be done while DD naps? And why can't DH work while with DD since you obviously can?

What have you both tried to get DD sleeping through the night?

What about getting a cleaner for two hours a week? Where can you cut down to make this possible?

YANBU. When my DC were younger, I worked the night shift (3x 13.5hrs) in A&E weekends - Friday to Sunday night. My friends and family took that to mean that I was free all week!

Not the point of your thread OP, but I travel overseas for 4 nights every other week. Have done since child 12 months, she's 8 now.
Never been as issue.
They're too young to have much sense of the passage of time, so first periods away won't have felt so long to them. And what they learnt after the first period and had reinforced every time since is - mummy always comes back don't worry about that.

YANBU. You work full time. I thought your work pattern was fairly standard in the NHS?

Toads I have a friend who worked pretty much the same shift pattern, but on a different ward. Not only did her friends assume she was available all week, her husband considered her, to all intents and purposes, to be unemployed and thus responsible for all housework and child rearing duties. What's laughable is that he didn't contribute financially to the household at all, despite working 9-5 Monday to Friday in a job he only got because she supported him through the two year study course.

He's an ex husband now.

My hat is off to you all, you're fucking amazing.

"there isn't really an option for DH to work compressed hours." Imagine my surprise. It's amazing how many men have completely inflexible working hours, yet so many women don't.

OK so to turn it around a bit then, what is he doing to accommodate the fact you now have a child? You are working longer hours and doing 90% of the housework and from the sounds of it the majority of the childcare. What exactly is his input? Where is he compromising? Where did he think the childcare would come from when you had a child?

I'm so glad this thread has been started and it's not just me. I changed jobs a few months ago from 9-5 to 40 hours in 3 days and am totally sick of the it's only 3 days brigade. And don't get me started on my DF constantly harping I need a part time job on top as there's no excuse to not be working the 5 days

No such limit in our trust original in fact the managers would think nothing of asking you to do another one as a bank shift! Thankfully I work more civilised hours these days, I'm getting too old to be working those kinds of hours anymore

toadsforjustice all weekend in A&E you deserve a bloody medal, it would take me the rest of the week to recover from that!

OP, I work full time (37 hours) in 9 working days, giving me one "non-working day" (never a "day off", gives the wrong impression) per fortnight.

This means I'm probably out of the house from 7am to 6pm with the commute factored in.

I get home and do stuff - cook, tidy, a load of washing, etc. So does my DP, and he works similar hours.

There's no reason why your DH can't do something to help in the evenings, and I'd certainly be questioning why he can't do his share on the weekend day he looks after his DD.

I feel for you! I used to work nights and lots of half nights. Which meant when everyone was sitting down for the evening I would be off out to work. And then especially on half nights (I'd get home 3am) people would forget my work was squished in when they are asleep and wonder why I was tired doing the school run!

Oh sorry went away from the computer for a bit (putting DD to bed) and had quite a few messages.

Mathanxiety, by 'housework' that I do I mean laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, general cleaning, looking after pets, and all those 'odd' errands like picking up prescriptions, buying presents etc. I'd LOVE a cleaner but we have debts to clear and so no real spare cash for that right now sadly. No room in our house for a dishwasher sadly. I do agree that DH needs to help out a bit more around the house. I'm not really sure why he struggles so much to get stuff done when he looks after DD. He may do an odd job or two but the doesn't seem to 'see' what needs doing around the house in the same way that I do. We have had arguments about it in the past.

Thank you Cabrinha - that's reassuring.

ToadsForJustice 3 night shifts in A&E over the weekend? You're a hero!

OP you work 3 &1/2 more hours then me per week (37) and mine is nowhere near as physically demanding so fair play to you. I agree that you should spend one day chilling (as much as you can with dd!). I think your dp could be doing more with you - if he has her on his own 1 day a week and struggles to get much done, you have her alone three days and manage! I'm sure he could stick a few loads of washing on and something in the slower cooker, even if he can't manage anything more strenuous. Can he do an online shop in his lunch hour at work, then pick it up on the way home?

wrt your colleagues, ignore them, I know it's annoying but they probably think it's just friendly banter. Up to you whether you want to raise it with your manager, there's nothing wrong in clearly asking 'Why are you saying I don't work full time? You know I do exactly the same amount of hours as everyone else. Why would the times I do them be a barrier for promotion?'

With friends/family, don't feel guilty about saying you can't do stuff if you don't want to. Make something up if you feel better! Or just specifically say to them 'I'd love to but I really have to sort out the house today, I don't have time to do anything the days I work/I'm knackered from working such long hours/I want to spend some time with DD' Often people can't really envisage the ways in which other people's lives differ from others unless you specifically spell it out to them!

Are you allowed to request shifts OP?

What I do every three weeks is request to work the Saturday and Sunday which means in the Mon-Fri I'm only working one shift. This enables me to have a day of rest in the week because it's means that for one day that week my DS is at the CM's whilst I'm not at work. I spend that day doing absolutely nothing and it does rejuvenate me a little.

Some days I'm rostered to work four days out of five, so 54 hours in a 5 day period, and I try and arrange my 'rest day' following that period.

On the days I'm off with my DS at home I still manage to find time to do the housework and tidying so it annoys me that my husband never seems to manage anything on the one day of the week he has sole charge of DS.

In one way being a nurse is brilliant when it comes to family life, I.e you don't need much childcare (my childcare bill is £320 a month) and I get to spend four days a week with my son but in other ways it's shit.

If I do two shifts together I only get to spend about an hour in total with my DS in a 48 hour period and I really miss him.

OP, you are in a very fortunate position and people are probably envious of your working hours. I certanly am.

If I could, I would much prefer to work 40 hours compressed into 3 long days, then have 4 days off than work the same number of hours over 5 days, with only 2 days off. Not only would I have twice as many days off as most people, but I would have just 3 commutes per week instead of 5, saving both time and money.

That sounds like a dream work/ life balance to me.