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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like people?

72 replies

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 12/03/2016 22:20

I think I'm getting less tolerant with age, and find myself just hating people more & more.
Not necesserely a person, I have lots of friends and keen to make new friends or chat at playgroups with mums and stuff.
I mean just generally, people. Most I seem to come across in the street, on walks, in school grounds etc just seem to be grumpy, miserable, arguementative.... Not usually with me as I keep my head down, but you can hear them shouting at their kids/bus driver/ other fellow drivers etc.
I think I'm at a point were I'd rather just always keep my head down and not smile at anyone!

OP posts:

LifeofI · 13/03/2016 01:25

Maybe they are grumpy because they are going through a tough time?
I have a neughbor who when i first moved in he always wanted to knock on my door to talk to me, i kept ignorin him and he turned bitter and started purposely making noise.
I was grieving for my mother and i just had surgery.
Now i dont even aknowledge him.
No he wasnt to know but you dont know what people are going through.

Just a thought.

SecretWitch · 13/03/2016 01:37

I like the company of my husband, my children and a very small group of friends. I dont answer my door for anyone and never pick up my phone unless it one of my children calling, anyone else can leave a message.

ShadowsCollideIsSurroundedByAd · 13/03/2016 01:49

Yes people are deeply irritating. My cats are much better company than most people. They are also cute and warm and fluffy.

I've encountered too many eejits today. From the bloke who rammed me with his trolley in Lidl causing me to stumble over a pile of baskets, to the dope who, without so much as glancing either way, ran out into the road in front of us, to the motorcyclist who came within a hairs breadth of causing a serious accident with their idiotic overtaking.

Wagglebees, off topic, but yours is one of my favourite MN monikers. I always picture little bumblebees waggling their little bee-hinds

lorelei9 · 13/03/2016 09:34

lifeofI, he sounds like someone to avoid full stop. Even at the best place in life, who wants a random neighbour, a stranger, constantly wanting attention?!

RoboticSealpup · 13/03/2016 11:07

I'm with Slavoj Zizek: I love humanity. I hate people.

The idea of the human race is so much better than the reality of trying to get along with others.

RoboticSealpup · 13/03/2016 11:16

I love living in London, though. It's my perfect scenario having lots of distant, polite strangers around and never actually seeing anyone often enough to become familiar. I'm pretty much an introvert, but I still want to be around other people on my own terms, and I absolutely hated living in a small town. Yes, there are fewer people, but you keep bumping into the same ones all the time! You have to chit chat with your neighbours every bloody time you see them. It makes my blood run cold. Big city anonymity rules!

angelos02 · 13/03/2016 11:22

YANBU. I can't bear people's lack of consideration for others around them. Feet on seats on public transport, talking loudly on mobiles, talking in cinemas, allowing children to play games/videos without the use of headphones. I could go on all day. Now I don't do as many activities as I'd like to as other people take all the pleasure out of them.

lorelei9 · 13/03/2016 13:10

Robotic, yes, that's one of the things that worries me about moving out of London. That said, because I can't face venturing into town more than I have to, I do a lot of things locally anyway so am already familiar with the scenario of bumping into people to some extent. I wouldn't want to live in a situation where people could just knock on my front door, so wherever I go I think I will end up living in a block of flats rather than a house.

It's harder to tell who is in and so on, in a block of flats.

I do like the general chit chat that occurs among Londoners but I suspect it occurs everywhere and I just don't know because I haven't lived anywhere else.

RoboticSealpup · 13/03/2016 13:42

Lorelei I see what you mean, but for me at least, it goes beyond just bumping into the same people. I found the general mindset and attitude absolutely stiflingly conformist when I lived outside London. It's hard to put your finger on, but I really felt that people scrutinised each other so much more. There wasn't that politely distant 'live and let live' attitude that I love (because it makes me feel less self-conscious). Hopefully you will feel differently.

The80sweregreat · 13/03/2016 13:55

I do know what you mean- I start the day wanting to be cheerful and happy but then I discover life has other ideas - need to ring up with a query about something, left on hold for ages, the person seems dis interested in my problem, end up getting no where or have to ring back ' later on', due to too many other people ringing them up. lack of staff I assume.
I go to do the 'big shop' spend ages having to wait around ( its the not the checkout assistants fault, but there is usually a barcode gone astray or the people in front are just faffing about or have about 50 vouchers or just something that means I am stood around waiting) my local big store has self service scanners, I do this sometimes but there is always a problem with those too. only one poor lady on that section, other assistants cant come over to help me as its not their job. I am always polite and say thank you when they can come and help, but usually treated with indifference.. they are probably as fed up as I am to be fair. lack of staff again.
My dh comes home grumpy from shit day at work, doesn't want to talk or engage for ages. go to see my elderly dad to help him out with the chores ( he lives alone) and he does nothing but moan about most things.
I then goes on line ( to chat on here sometimes) and theres something up with that - not working or playing up. cue more moaning.
Go out with some old friends, she just turns the conversation to herself all the time, not interested in what we're up to, just her things. grrr
so it goes on and the negativity just rubs off on me too. modern life is pretty dire and I am old enough now to remember when things were a bit easier and people did seem a lot happier, I am sure they did..

shameful, had that happen to me too. I am crap at 'judging' distance in cars and would hate to scratch their one, or mine, so tend to be cautious. I can see the people behind getting wound up I go red and hot and flustered. I hate it. Roads are just dreadful for people being horrible and aggressive when I am sure they are not like it usually.

HPsauciness · 13/03/2016 14:01

There have been lots of threads lately in which some mumsnetters have been congratulating themselves about their intolerance, having lost it in the supermarket, shouted at someone on the roads and found it all hilariously funny that they have been yelling/tutting/calling people out in public. I have been called po-faced and the 'fun police' for pointing out that intolerance and nastiness spreads like a virus, and that if you glare, or snap or challenge someone over something (even if you feel in the right or it's a debatable situation like who's first in a queue) then chances are, when you next hesitate at a roundabout, or don't see someone queuing next to you- then someone will tut or say something ruder to you.

I think people are more arsey now than they used to be, I've had a couple of incidents lately including someone swearing at me and my 10 year old, and I try incredibly hard not to be like that myself, because it's making the Uk an unpleasant place to live in.

lorelei9 · 13/03/2016 15:48

Robotic - my parents say stuff like that to me to put me off living outside of London

I tend to just hope it's not true.

something that does strike me about Londoners is that we are quite tribal in our own way - even our live and let live attitude becomes tribal because we expect others to have it. Does that make sense?

I was on a country break with my sister last year, we were out walking and saw some chap walking in the opposite direction, so towards us. My sis muttered "oh dear, he's not going to say hello is he? People do that outside of London". When I'd finished laughing, I pointed out that we do that where I live!! She lives in a much much rougher part of town so I guess that's why they don't (more a Zone 2 inner city type places whereas I only just scrape into a London postcode and zone where I am).

but anyway, it just made me laugh - and of course he did say hello - but also I was thinking, maybe I live in a pocket of town that's a bit like living in another small town?

apologies if that made no sense.

theycallmemellojello · 13/03/2016 15:52

Honestly, I think that taking a negative view towards people in general probably makes you unhappy. Most people are not horrible. Try seeing things from their perspective, empathising etc.

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/03/2016 16:45

I went for a walk in the countryside today, I live in a national park. I said hello cheerily to ansolutely everyone, just to see if I could spread the cheer. I kind of worked, some people just ignored me and didn't even smile but most were cheery too!

OP posts:

Original poster

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 13/03/2016 16:53

I'm not unhappy or misreable myself. I just find the most people on the street are.
I think I have realised over the last few years, or have become over the last few years, more introverted and I like it. I like being reclusive at home pottering with the kids and having family days out. I have friends who I see duing the week but I'm more than happy to not see anyone all week too.

OP posts:

RoboticSealpup · 13/03/2016 17:41

Lorelei Sure, you're making sense. Maybe the stuff that bothers me, won't bother you at all!

RoboticSealpup · 13/03/2016 17:50

I'm not in the least bit miserable or rude to others. Quite the opposite. That's actually why I find it exhausting to interact with others too much, because I have to be pleasant. I don't always feel like putting my "social mask" on.

morningtoncrescent62 · 13/03/2016 18:27

People are driving me mad on public transport at the moment - I travel by bus every day and with every passing month I get more irritable at loud conversations, noisy headphones, phones going off and the like. Oh to live in a Chalet School universe where talking quietly on public transport so as not to disturb those around you is an obligation.

lorelei9 · 13/03/2016 18:53

Robotic "I'm not in the least bit miserable or rude to others. Quite the opposite. That's actually why I find it exhausting to interact with others too much, because I have to be pleasant. I don't always feel like putting my "social mask" on."

exactly!

mornington - yes, that's another reason I'd like to leave London. I actually think they're on a mission to get cars off the road - not that I have one - and force everyone on to public transport and it's going to get worse.

I am honestly amazed at what people think is okay behaviour on public transport and the next time I see someone clipping their nails, I fear my social mask will come flying off!!

TheNoodlesIncident · 13/03/2016 21:12

shameful

Embrace the joy that is Dilbert hating people

BreakfastAtStephanies · 13/03/2016 21:41

Recently I was walking through town when a young man walking behind me gobbed loudly. I absolutely hate spitting, it makes me feel a bit sick. I looked behind me with a disgusted sneer on my face. The man said, mockingly, to his companion " oh no she might have got a bit of phlegm on her coat " . I replied " yeah, cos that'd be nice, wouldn't it ? " . They walked past and then he gobbed on the floor again.

People do things to wind other people up I suppose. It's better not to react and so take away their power.

When I am driving I always let cars out of side roads at junctions, just so I get a thank-you gesture from them. I think it spreads good feelings. DD says I am needy.

lorelei9 · 13/03/2016 22:08

Breakfast, I wish they'd reintroduce fines for spitting in the street.

Today was actually quite a nice day and I could have gone outside for a walk. I didn't - and this is why! (I don't live in a naice place). I can get a bus to the nearest park or green space but on Sundays, there's a lot of groups of people drinking from about 11am.

So I figured dealing with the outside world from tomorrow would be enough.

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