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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like people?

72 replies

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 12/03/2016 22:20

I think I'm getting less tolerant with age, and find myself just hating people more & more.
Not necesserely a person, I have lots of friends and keen to make new friends or chat at playgroups with mums and stuff.
I mean just generally, people. Most I seem to come across in the street, on walks, in school grounds etc just seem to be grumpy, miserable, arguementative.... Not usually with me as I keep my head down, but you can hear them shouting at their kids/bus driver/ other fellow drivers etc.
I think I'm at a point were I'd rather just always keep my head down and not smile at anyone!

OP posts:
VocationalGoat · 12/03/2016 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/03/2016 23:19

I'm with you OP. People are just fucking irritating. Especially other drivers.

Mind you, everything is pretty irritating to me just now might need to start the ADs again

AgentZigzag · 12/03/2016 23:21

'I do think it happens more often because we are all completely peopled out'

You're never telling me that people in Victorian times were nicer to each other! Grin

Or any other time in history.

MadamDeathstare · 12/03/2016 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 · 12/03/2016 23:25

Vocational - yes, same problem here - will likely move when parents are no longer here. I will miss my friends horribly but I'm getting too sick of the crowds.

confused - not sure what you mean. I am always polite and friendly but I highlighted the abuse that bus drivers and so on get because they get a lot of it. As I said in my post, I'm amazed how lovely these people are in the face of having to deal with a fair bit of nastiness.

as my lovely local Aldi man says:

me "how are you today?"
him "I'm lovely dear! It's the other people that are the problem"
Grin

ghostyslovesheep · 12/03/2016 23:25

lorelei9 possibly!

A really lovely, very old (30 years) friend had her hotel booking fall through a few weeks ago and asked to stay here for 3 nights while working locally

I really wanted to say 'nonononono fuck OFF out of MY space you are being unreasonable!' but I said yes because I love her

I found the whole thing hive inducingly difficult - she had such a good time she's not going to book a hotel next time but just stay here!

I may have to move

ghostyslovesheep · 12/03/2016 23:26

Confused they may very well be 'nice' but that doesn't make my tolerance levels fall dramatically - it people I find irritating not 'bad' people

stubbornstains · 12/03/2016 23:27

Trouble is, I get extremely irritated by people trying to be nice Blush.

7Days · 12/03/2016 23:28

Yes population pressure is a factor. I live semi rurally and while it can be stifling to non conformers you don't get that kind of unthinking rudeness.
A lot to ne said for social conformity Grin

YouTheCat · 12/03/2016 23:30

It's like the whole having people to stay thing. Dd wants to have a friend from Sweden stay for few days and all I can think is ... but this is my space... I'm sure he's a lovely lad (student over here). I love my brothers and their wives but 2 days is my maximum tolerance level for even family guests.

I have this lovely, idyllic view of being a fantastic host and all that but I just can't do it.

I don't like people much. Love the kids I work with, they are just great. But people, other than my partner and kids, can just bugger off really.

Cats are good though.

Xmasbaby11 · 12/03/2016 23:31

Yabu. I love people and I often think how lovely people are. Little chats with shop assistants, knowing smiles with other mums, helpful strangers, polite drivers. I live in a very friendly city and strike up conversations with people often. It's great. But then I'm an extrovert. I also believe that the more you listen to people , the more you understand others.

Either you live somewhere where people are mean, or you just seek negativity!

lorelei9 · 12/03/2016 23:32

MadamDeathstare (excellent name) - I was thinking more about how overpopulation affects practical things. For example, I could have taken the bus to work in an under an hour 10 years ago. Now it's more like 1hr 45mins. I sometimes do it because at least there's a limit to the number of passengers allowed on a bus, whereas the Tube or train will packed like sardines.

People driving will get the rage the longer they are driving..then in their rage they are more likely to do smoething silly...then that will piss another person off and they will take it out on someone else...

places that were quiet at certain times no longer are, everywhere is busy. Everywhere is built on (not just in London). You practically have to go to the Outer Hebrides for peace and quiet but no, there'll be someone on their phone or playing their youtube video out loud.

a pp said about manners - I don't think people were better mannered in the past either. But I do think that a) that there are now far more of us and b) people go out more generally, I think, it's part of a shift in how we spend our leisure time. It took a while to dawn on me that I would stress less if I was out less and my friends and family are not thrilled about it - they think I'm "hiding away". I'm not hiding from them!

I also think some people who are peopled out, stressed out, overworked, overwrought, don't even realise it - because it's become the norm and they feel they "should" be able to cope with it.

TooOldForGlitter · 12/03/2016 23:33

I definitely prefer dogs to people. People are just scuzzy litter dropping, rude, selfish, obnoxious self-obsessed turds in general.

lorelei9 · 12/03/2016 23:34

I also think London is a very friendly place indeed.

I just don't need any more people in my world! Grin

lorelei9 · 12/03/2016 23:34

Xmas - you're an extrovert! See, I have all those lovely chats with lovely people too. I would just rather go home. I only shop outside because Aldi don't deliver....!

ghostyslovesheep · 12/03/2016 23:37

Either you live somewhere where people are mean, or you just seek negativity or - 3rd option - 'we' just aren't the same as you!

I am a lovely person, a great friend and brilliant at my job (bite me) which is mainly communication based and involved working long term with vulnerable humans building trust and working to support them

BUT away from that I like my own space - I could happily spend an entire weekend with no human company but my kids - that doesn't make me 'negative' just not you! - You who seems pretty negative about people who differ from you!

YouTheCat · 12/03/2016 23:39

I like being an introvert.

I can manage conversations and general chitchat and all that - I'd just prefer not to.

YouTheCat · 12/03/2016 23:41

Ghosty - I need to recharge.

Dd (who is an Aspie) has told me she loves spending time with her friends and being out and about but there's only so much she can tolerate before she feels the need to hibernate and just be.

GarlicShake · 12/03/2016 23:42

Oh dear, I'm loath to drop my perspicacious-but-evil persona ... but agree with the couple of PPs suggesting that whatever you give out is infectious. (Germs & viruses included!)

As the meme says, you never know what battles somebody's fighting - be kind.

Being nice won't turn all the grumpyarses into fluffy bundles of love, but it will improve some people's day. And they will give it back to you.

Xmasbaby11 · 12/03/2016 23:42

I go to my local, busy coffee shop on my own to enjoy the atmosphere and read my book. Dh thinks I am mad (introvert) to walk 15 mins for that when we have a large house complete with coffee machine. I can't explain it but I couldn't be at home on my own all day, I just love to be out.

It's particularly relevant now as I'm recuperating from am operation and have been off for nearly two months. As soon as I was well enough I was out every day.

I have 2 small Dcs, 2 and 4, but even when they're not at nursery I'm afraid they don't compare to adult company!

Wagglebees · 12/03/2016 23:44

There's some utter arseholes on MN tonight that's for sure. I think a lot of the trouble is now we get hear everyone's opinions and thoughts about everything whereas before people kept it to themselves. So they were still arseholes but we just didn't realise.

Wagglebees · 12/03/2016 23:45
ouryve · 12/03/2016 23:48

I'm normally an avid people watcher and find all sorts of personalities and mannerisms so weird and wonderful. There's one horrid, grumpy school mum I want to back into a corner and lecture, though. She's so awful and negative that even other people's normally happy go lucky kids whine and act up around her. :(

She's twice my size, though.

Xmasbaby11 · 12/03/2016 23:49

Sorry, ghosty, I didn't mean to offend. I think I'm confusing not liking people with not wanting to be around people all the time. Dh likes being around very few people and wants a lot of time to himself - but clearly this is not the case for all introverts. He does see the negative in people.

lorelei9 · 12/03/2016 23:57

Xmas - but that's it though. I say I don't like people because I can't cope with people overload.

I don't mean that I don't like people and I go out and am grumpy and horrible to them. Presumably neither does the OP.

Also, from what the OP said, I imagine she sees a lot of nastiness and aggression, which is unsettling. You can have the best attitude in the world but you can't "unsee" the nastiness out there.