To think that this is disgusting?

[IncidentalAnarchist]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/mar/12/a-letter-to-my-wife-who-i-have-never-loved

Ughhh!! Surely this must be made up? The poor woman!

I don't really have a favourite colour. My dd quite often asks what's your favourite colour today, mummy, and we both our colour of the day

To the letter - I think this is more common than people admit. I think some people drift into marriage because it's the right 'time' in their lives, and the person they're with is 'ok' but, they're not in love with them. I agree the letter writer sounds like it could be an arranged marriage though.

When I worked, we were sent on the soul-searching type training course, called "Making the Difference'. It was an incredible course, all about what makes you happy/unhappy, and what you can change in your life (Lord knows why the company paid for this!).

One bloke at the end stood up and said 'I have never loved my wife, and I have realised I need to end my marriage'. You'd never have known he wasn't happily married.

It's terribly sad but it's not disgusting.

Mine asn't an arranged marriage. Then you must be a bloody fool, JOEY. Don't you have any control over your own life?

All those open letters are hideously awful. They're a bit like reverse AIBU's.

I have NO idea why the Guardian would publish this?

Sad isn't it. Made me wonder how his wife would respond.

Surprised he signed off, "Yours".

Awfully sad but as a woman in her mid 50s in an office in London where there are a number of Asian young women there is sadly an ethnic time bomb about to go off and the status quo is about to alter I think. I know a lovely young woman being pressured to marry by her family for the sake of her younger sisters. She doesn't want to and has been crying of late. I suggested as she had a good job she could rent a room, and break free and do as she wanted completely independently. I was vilified for the suggestion because how could she possibly lower her standard of living and her dad had just bought her a Golf. Well, that's what being independent means - having what you can afford to provide for yourself and meeting a man who is prepared to regard you as his independent equal.

We live in a modern Western society and sadly people can't have it both ways without compromising.

About the man in the thread - he went along with it and unfortunately I think he needs to get on with it.

I got married when I was young and I was thinking well if it didn't work out we can always get divorced which we did three years later

I had started to fall out of love

It happens nothing disgusting it's sad but far sadder to stay with someone you don't want to be with or stay and constantly cheat on them

I don't know...there's a chilling tone to it that I don't like.

Does everyone marry for love

Many marry for security or they want to have a family or just feel it's time to settle

Fuck you flogging.

But much Molly!

Does everyone marry for love

Well no, some don't have a choice, but to not marry for love is very self defeating and sad.

Joey you said I stood at the alter knowing I shouldn't get married and didn't love my husband to be. I left him a year later.

I think that someone saying you were a bloody fool is not really an unfair comment, it was hardly a sensible decision, would you do it again?

I married a man I didn't love, now in the process of divorce 5 years later. I can relate to a lot of that article, I stood and said my vows that day knowing it was wrong and I didn't love him, I feel guilt for that but disgusting is pretty harsh.

It's not disgusting, odd word to use.

It's stupid and cowardly but hey, we all make mistakes.

I walked down the aisle knowing full well that I hated him but I didn't have the courage to dump him (I had tried but he wouldn't go away).

Marriage lasted two years when I left him for the Other Man.

My only regret is marrying the twat.

sohard I'm taking deep breaths here.

There are many, many reasons why this might have happened to a person. Please open your mind a little, and perhaps then you might not back Mollys rudeness.

I know several women who have had arranged marriages they did not want. The couples did eventually collapse.

The next one up is even worse. 'To the woman whose husband I stole without thinking'. Fuck, I would quite like to punch her in the face, smug cunt. Although no doubt she thinks she's really facing up to things and being responsible by saying that she admires the ex wife's dignity. I kind of wish the ex wife had decapitated her with the wedding china. That I would have admired.

I agree that there are many reasons why someone might make the wrong decision, and I have made many many myself, it's a part of life, if you learn from it, but I would be the first to admit I was a bloody fool for making those decisions.

It's very very sad and I hope he tells her in real life now.

Either that or it's made up for a newspaper

As an aside

Do people over the age of 10 have a 'favourite colour'?

Favourite colour for what/ - clothes? flowers? Farrow and Ball Paint?

Not even going to read that - YOU CANNOT STEAL A SENTIENT HUMAN BEING!

Urgh!

Least he's honest about how he feels so better some pain and grief now before children are involved. Not that that was very likely to have happened at three times a year;!

I expect there are a lot of couples around who are more in the best Friends bracket then lurve each other whatever love is defined as of course?

I was at a wedding of a very pleasant young couple around four years ago thinking just how happy and devoted they were to each other recently they split. Seems the girl involved was in doubt as to if she really wanted to marry they had been living together for five years previously!

I asked my DH (nearly 30 years married) what his favourite colour was and he said that I only ever allow him to wear navy blue. So that's that sorted.

Seriously. It's sad but it doesn't sound that real. I don't mean that the situation isn't possible but the letter sounds made up.