Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sometimes people aren't horrible selfish bastards, they're just human and make mistakes

35 replies

eastpregnant · 10/03/2016 18:44

I was sat in the priority seat on the tube (I'm 32 weeks pregnant). I was reading and not paying attention to anything around me.

Suddenly I heard a woman exclaiming "oh my goodness, has nobody offered you a seat? That's terrible" and other words to that effect. I looked up and realised that there was an elderly lady with a walking stick stood up right in front of me. I immediately offered her my seat, but then another man stood up for her so she took his seat instead. All sorted.

But then, the first woman starts talking loudly to her friend about how selfish people are, especially the younger generation, how it's unbelievable that they would stay sat down and "make old people stand". It went on for ages and the rest of the tube was silent so everyone could hear.

I felt so small and embarrassed, and could feel my cheeks burning. But it also made me quite angry. Why do some people always think the worst of others? I'm not some entitled special snowflake who feels she deserves a seat just because she's pregnant. I wasn't ignoring her, I just genuinely didn't see the elderly lady.

I've had a terrible week at work and so I realise I'm probably being over sensitive and this is not something to get worked up about, but it's really upset me.

AIBU to think that most people, most of the time, are just quietly getting on with their lives and if their behaviour isn't 100% perfect it's not because they're selfish and malicious. Maybe they're just human and made a mistake!

OP posts:
ctjoy103 · 10/03/2016 18:46

You really are overthinking this one. Why did you feel she was talking about you. If it was me I would have ignored her and thought she was just a nutcase, and carried on reading.

EllenTheEgret · 10/03/2016 18:48

Yes! I think this a lot (especially when reading mumsnet Wink)

PennyDropt · 10/03/2016 18:48

Too many hormones probably.

In an emergency most people are nice - just keep that in mind.

Lockheart · 10/03/2016 18:54

YANBU. I'm of the opinion that the majority of people aren't inherently bad, just getting along and doing their best. Some may be oblivious, or ignorant, or maybe just don't know any better. But that doesn't make them bad people.

EllenTheEgret · 10/03/2016 19:07

And by yes I mean yanbu

Original poster
eastpregnant · 10/03/2016 19:10

Thanks everyone. Yep, definitely hormonal and overthinking! It gets worse actually, when I got home I even had a bit of a cry about it Blush

General point still stands though - most people aren't horrible and it annoys me that others assume they are!

OP posts:
SplinteryBottom · 10/03/2016 19:12

At 32 weeks presumably you're showing a bump when you stand up but maybe not obviously when you sit down? I was the size of a house from all angles so can't compare

I very much doubt she realised you were pregnant. And unless all the other seats were occupied by octagenarians it probably wasn't obvious who should give up their seat next.

THink no more of it. I doubt the man who also only gaev up his seat when prompted is dwelling on it.

Narp · 10/03/2016 19:14

I agree with you, and even if it's not true, it makes me happy.

I think that the vast vast majority of people are nice; some are thoughtless, and a very few ruin it for everyone else by being utter shits.

HerRoyalNotness · 10/03/2016 19:18

I'd have asked them if they were specifically referring to me tbh.

I hate the PA remonstrating that people do even if I have done it myself in the past

M00nUnit · 10/03/2016 19:20

You immediately offered her your seat when you noticed her! If you'd refused to offer a set when asked (and weren't heavily pregnant) then maybe she would have had grounds to complain, but that isn't what happened. The ranting woman just made herself look like a bit of a nutter whereas you just acted like a nice, normal person.

Paintedhandprints · 10/03/2016 19:21

Why didn't the loud mouthed woman offer the old dear a seat? I doubt she was talking about you, but if she was then she was the unreasonable one. Don't give it another moments thought.

DisappointedOne · 10/03/2016 19:22

Aren't there badges that pregnant women can wear on public transport in London? I'd be tempted to get one just so you can stab the mean people with the pin when necessary

Ubik1 · 10/03/2016 19:24

I think some people find it easier to be critical of women than men. The expectations are different.

Don't give it another thought.

BillSykesDog · 10/03/2016 19:25

I'm guessing she wasn't talking to you but the other people who didn't stand up. And yes, they should have done.

ShowMeTheWonder · 10/03/2016 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 10/03/2016 19:31

Don't worry about it.
That woman wasn't necessarily talking about you. It's true that people are selfish and don't offer seats when they could so she was probably talking generally.
She could have been talking about others she'd noticed that could have offered their seat and didn't bother.

AnnaMarlowe · 10/03/2016 19:35

When I was about 10 I was sitting on a bench outside the community hall waiting for my dance class to start.

A woman came up to me and started yelling at me that I was selfish, uncaring and prejudiced because I hadn't sought help for a man that had collapsed on the pavement on the other side of the road.

She went on for sometime and then stomped off while I say there speechless. In the face of her aggression I didn't have the presence of mind to tell her I hadn't even seen the man because I wasn't wearing my glasses.

More than 30 years later I still remember how upset I was.

She probably stomped off feeling like she had taught the youth of today a lesson. Sad

usual · 10/03/2016 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 10/03/2016 19:50

I'm assuming ranting woman had either already offered or was in the process of offering her seat to the elderly lady when she was mouthing off..?

AyeAmarok · 10/03/2016 19:53

I agree with you, and I do think it sometimes when reading MN.

But, if you're 32 weeks pregnant then you shouldn't have had to give up your priority seat anyway! So it's good a man who could/should have, did.

Don't worry OP.

Sunflower1985 · 10/03/2016 19:59

I was once waiting for a bus with a group of friends, one ina wheelchair. Quite a few other people waiting. The bus came and I stepped on. Before I had a chance to reach for the pull down ramp for my friend a lady in the queue yelled at me to not push in front of someone who was disabled.
People love to play the saviour.

OliviaStabler · 10/03/2016 20:51

On the Tube I am always so absorbed in reading the Metro, working on my iPad etc I would not notice if Bill Clinton sat next to me. It is like a survival instinct when travelling in a crowded train that far underground. I would expect anyone not offered a seat to politely ask, I'd give up my seat instantly.

Don't be upset, that woman was just being passive aggressive. This morning I was on the Tube and a lady simply asked if someone would give her seat up for an elderly lady who had just boarded and before I could volunteer people near her had already got up. She had her choice of three seats Smile

RockUnit · 10/03/2016 21:34

YANBU

theycallmemellojello · 10/03/2016 21:45

Yanbu at all, how depressing.

MidniteScribbler · 10/03/2016 21:49

If I have to get a train (rarely), I consider that guilt free time to get to read without feeling like I should be working. And when I read, a herd of elephants could run through the train and I wouldn't notice. Surely, if someone is in that much need of a seat, they can just politely tap someone on the shoulder and use their words?

Swipe left for the next trending thread