Ruin someone else's career to save mine? Wwyd?

[Nonky]

hello this is more of a WWYD than an aibu but I just wondered what others would do in this situation. I currently work on my own for a charity. The people I work for are very kind but very disorganised but is stuck with it due to enjoying the job and believing in the work we do. Unfortunately the hours I do (vv early starts) and the fact that my asd daughter needs an immense amount of support with her anxiety means that I feel I need to change jobs to do one that is more manageable with more 'normal' hours. The problem is that I only have to give a months notice however it would take a whole term to train someone up to replace me. I am currently working alone due to my colleague taking extended time off - he is not able to return to take over training. Effectively, by resigning and getting a new job, I am potentially leaving the charity to fold as they have no contingency plan. I also could be potentially putting my colleague out of a job. I feel I have no choice but to stay - but this puts even more pressure on my family who are already struggling to the max with pressures at the moment. In my head I know family comes first - but I can't help but feel terrible for the mess I will leave behind. What would you do?!

There are times when you do have to put yourself and your family first and this is one of those times. You either make some compromises with the hours and so on or else find another job. And I agree with the poster who said if this charity had to make cuts you would be out of work in an instant. You say due to the nature of the job this that and the other can't be changed. Things can always be changed if there's a will. But if they can't be then do what's best for you and your DD. Anything else is totally not logical.

HOW did you get the idea that you would "ruin someone else's career"? If it's from your managers' excessive reliance on you, the way they allow you to be overloaded like this... well, I'd think again if I were you!

Before you resign, talk to your manager. I know you say you can't start later because of the job duties, but perhaps there might be a way to rearrange things so a coworker takes over these early morning tasks & you assume some of theirs (or not) to allow you to come in later. Could there be another position at the charity you could move into that starts later or just has more flexibility? That way you could train any replacement for your 'old' job whilst still staying with an organization that you believe in.

No one is indispensable! They'll manage, believe me. Not to be morbid,but they'd have to if you fell under a bus, right! (DO NOT FALL UNDER A BUS )

I work for a charity too, I know it's hard when you truly believe in what you're doing, but you have to maintain a bit of self-preservation too. Otherwise you'll get chewed up and spat out.

How will you get a good reference if you leave with short notice? That would be my worry.

*But I just can't do it any more with my daughter the way she is.

That's the bottom line, OP; it's unfortunate for the charity (putting it mildly) but something's got to give, and that's work.

lljkk OP hasn't said that she won't work normal notice period, only that the notice period isn't long enough to train up someone else.

Spudlet I had been in a job for a month when my superior was killed in an accident at home :( We were in the middle of preparing for an important audit and I spent the weeks left of the run-up working 18 hour days 7 days a week to cover her work and make sure we were ready. It was a horrific thing to happen and the circumstances couldn't have been worse but we coped.

Talk to your employer and tell them why you're thinking of resigning. The ball is then in their court to find new staff, or work with you to change how you work. You can leave a full handover - I've done this before when a company couldn't find cover in time. Mine was a small novel but it was very thorough - that was the best I could do as they didn't bother to hire someone then expected me to work after my notice period..

Thomas Oh my god, that's awful. I am so sorry! I just meant it as a figure of speech, I hope I haven't upset you or anyone else.

do what's best for you. Just because they're a charity but your relationship with it is as an employee, not a donor - you are under no obligation to do 'more' than someone who works for public/private body.

You never know, they might have more of a back up than you know of - could have some retired employee/family willing to volunteer time or something to keep it ticking over or apply for a grant or something to pay for a temp with experience in the field. At the very worst they may have to close for a short period but can always reopen/restart. Whatever happens it's not your concern. The only worry I would have would be for your reference if you apply for another job, but even then they have to be truthful - they can't say you left them in the lurch if you gave the full month's notice.

The option was always available to them to change your contract to make your notice period longer = they fact they didn't when they must know they are in a precarious position is their fault.

The idea someone mentioned up-thread of writing a really comprehensive manual is good if you do feel guilty.

Gosh no, this was years ago. I just thought I'd share that to prove your point. Companies - including charities - must be able to cope with the loss of a key member of staff, even if the very worst were to happen.

OP seems to think she's leaving them in the lurch if she only gives the minimum 1 month notice.

What about working your 1 month's notice with your family unfriendly hours then coming in for shorter days starting later to do the other training? In the first month you could prioritise training on the things that happen before you'd get in later but that person would be there to do those things. Then that gives you more than a month to look for a new job. If you can afford to work reduced hours for another month or so on top of your month's notice

Thank you everyone for helping me to make my decision. You are right - I have to do what is best for my daughter (and the rest of the family). I think I need to toughen up and worry a little less. Thank you for all your support x

Just because you are contracted up give a months notice doesn't mean that's all you have to give. Last time I moved job I gave 3 months notice to my employers even though I was only obliged to give them one, they were very grateful as I trained my replacement for a month.

As much as i don't like the phrase
"Charity begins at home" it seems in your case that you need to put home before work.
They will cope, you cannot be held responsible for the collapse of the charity, there must be contingencies in place, as a pp said if you were sick then they would have coped.
Seems unfair that you feel so guilty about leaving, I have a son with asd and I would have no doubt in my mind in this situation.
The fact that you're posting here demonstrates your passion and commitment to the charity but your dd comes first and I'm sure the charity will be as compassionate with your decision as you have been towards your job.
Good luck op :)

Without being glib what would they do if you were hit by a bus. The fact there is one person (you), no cover and your colleague off sick is not your fault or problem. Your child comes first.

I think there are a range of things here - its not currently a sustainable service, disorganised, no business continuity plans, overworking resources etc

Plus your issues
Plus colleagues issues

so first we plan - work with your boss, explain your situation and ask to manage yourself out of your job. Work out what the options are, could someone cover for you early so you can do child to school, can the service delivery be moved (maybe not all the way but somewhat closer to you)

Write basic procedures for you job - write a JD and job advert

Fundamentally i would take a phased approach to try and mitigate the impact. But it may be that you just have to go and be selfish about yourself and your family needs

X posted with spud let and Thomas. That's what happens when your kids disturb you.

Haven't read every comment so apologies if this has been stated before

But if you got run over tomorrow and ended up in hospital for a month they would have to cope without your help or working notice

Do what is best for you and your family, it's a no brainer give notice and do your best, if they don't have a contingency it's not your fault or problem