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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DM to have DS in her room on holiday?

56 replies

Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 11:03

Hi all
We want to head to a nice resort in Austria in June and offer to treat my DM to this, flights and room, to thank her for all of her help with DS childcare and enjoy a fmaily holiday all together.
DS is 2, t sleeps 7-7 at night without waking (95% of time).
DM adores him and her her, and is an early riser herself, think 5-6am.

Looked at hotel and if we tried to book a room for DS in cot as well as new baby (would be 3 months old then) and our room would be double price and we couldn't afford it.
I havnt yet asked/invited DM on holiday, but wandered if I can suggest/ ask we have baby in our room and if if shed be ok with DS sleeping in her room with her? Considering he does sleep through and in day time there is also a kids club where he would go for some of the day and the rest obviously spend with us, so Id ensure DM could escape to her room, on her own in daytime. Would just be at night?

Or does this sound like a holiday with conditions?

OP posts:
caravanista · 10/03/2016 11:44

I'd be perfectly happy with that arrangement. I do two days a week childcare with my DGD but would be delighted to spend more time with her.

Trickydecision · 10/03/2016 11:45

Vivienne is being ridiculous. Next to no childcare involved and as a granny myself I would be perfectly happy with the OP's original solution. It's not cheeky and I would not be telling her to get lost. Some people on here can be quite unnecessarily nasty.
Bellasima, well done for sorting the new arrangement out. I hope you all have a wonderful family holiday.

Mondrian · 10/03/2016 11:47

I wouldn't mention it as a treat, just tell her you have a spare bed in DS room for her and if she wishes to come along you will pay for her flight.

lovefairylights · 10/03/2016 11:50

I think your new option of a suite for you guys and a separate room for your mum is a much better solution.
Then you can say - please join us, we'd like to treat you and say thanks without any conditions. It gives your mum her own space but the option to pick and choose when she spends time with you guys and your kids.
(The other one just didn't sound like a real thankyou - more a come and join us on holiday and help out by having our son in your room and you can sort him out in the mornings for us)

runlulurun · 10/03/2016 11:53

My mum would love this. She always offers to bunk in with Ds anyway, incredible though it is to me, I think she likes being the first person he wakes up...

middlings · 10/03/2016 12:11

Cornishclio I read it as they're getting another babysitter to do the babysitting while all the grown ups go to dinner.

Well done on the bigger room OP. My lovely parents would probably be ok with having one of the children if they were able to sleep through Dad's snoring but probably wouldn't get the best night's sleep as they'd be aware of them being there.

My rule of thumb is that grown ups get their own rooms on holiday (if poss) so your solution sounds perfect.

mrsmortis · 10/03/2016 12:13

I'd also suggest that you look at connecting rooms so that you can have both children asleep in their own beds but with only one supervising adult needed.

cestlavielife · 10/03/2016 12:13

"full day to herself" - is that what she wants?
surely she wants to spend the time with you all?

or is she someone who will enjoy[prefers] pottering off on her own around cafes etc? will she be grateful for the hotel room so she can potter around on her own in the day?

HeyNonnyMaybe · 10/03/2016 12:21

If your DS is in her room does that mean she will have to be back in her room at 7pm to sit with him for the evening?

redskytonight · 10/03/2016 13:11

If DS is in with your mum will this cause him to wake more than he otherwise would (so she's left dealing with all this night wakings)?

Original poster
Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 13:15

Thanks again for opinions all.

Re. full day to herself I just mean without having to be in charge of childcare in any way ie. if we all go to pool, make sure me/DH do the running around after him, when he is not in crèche. Though DM always steps in to help/take over for a bit. She would mainly spend days with us but might like an hour alone in room in afternoon for a chill etc.

Hotel has babysitters so most evenings we will all 3 adults go out while babysitter looks after the DC in 1 room. DM usually kindly offers to babysit at least 1 night on hol though so me & DH can go out together. We are doing a much longer European villa holiday much later in the year all together, she is paying her share towards this (in fact more than her share when you subtract DC's shares) so wanted this to say thanks and be more of a chilled (& luxurious!) holiday for her. She doesn't have a partner though so always seems more than happy to be asked to come away with us.

OP posts:
foragogo · 10/03/2016 13:16

That is what we do when we go on holiday with my DM, both parties love it! Depends how close he is to his granny I suppose.

Original poster
Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 13:17

He's very close to her, she is amazing with him and they adore each other Smile

OP posts:
NickiFury · 10/03/2016 13:22

I think many mothers actually like and enjoy being with their grand children and would have no problem whatsoever with this. Not here on MN though. Here on MN you're being massively piss taking and ridiculously grabby for this idea to even pop into your head. I believe there are people who think like this, I do know one or two in real life - my parents actually, but everyone else I know all seem to want pull together to make life easier and actually seem to like helping each other out and being around their grandchildren and don't huff and puff about "being used for childcare" Hmm

I wouldn't have a problem with this OP. You're not doing anything wrong or grabby for considering it as a possibility.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 10/03/2016 13:33

why on earth don't you just ask her and give her the choice of bigger room with DS or smaller so you can have suite and ds, she's your mum surely you are able to have an open discussion about options and say you don't want to assume but how would she feel having Ds in her room, she may be delighted!

Original poster
Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 13:34

Thanks Nicki runlu tricky caravan dumble moly for the positivity, appreciate it!

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 10/03/2016 13:36

I think on reflection Op it sounds a nice break and you seem considerate.

Happy holidays

squashtastic · 10/03/2016 13:39

2 year olds aren't usually the best sleepers in a new place after new food with their nana in the room. Ds might be a pain in the arse all night. Agree that you should just order the cot to the room and sneak it over.

ThankGodItsAlmostSpringTime · 10/03/2016 14:08

Exactly squash. My 7-7 on the dot sleeping toddlers always turned into little hyperactive night time demons when we went away.

I would not say anything about having him in her room and see if she offers. The fact that you are paying for her may mean she feels obligated.

Original poster
Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 14:11

No, think that's why we will definitely book the 1 bed suite to have him in his own cot/room with as little disturbance/distractions as possible to help him sleep.

OP posts:
Momamum · 10/03/2016 14:36

A grandmother here and I'd love it!

When we last went away we hired a baby monitor from the hotel which meant that we could eat in the restaurant/have drinks on the terrace etc. Worked brilliantly.

Oh, and I loved those early morning chats, just her and me.

So I'd suggest giving her the option and letting her decide if she wants to bunk in with the grand or not.

Have fun, and whatever you all decide, it's a lovely idea.Smile

Original poster
Bellasima20 · 10/03/2016 15:13

ah thanks moma you sound lovely Smile

OP posts:
Dotandethel · 10/03/2016 15:17

Sounds fine to me and would to my mum. It's how you can afford to go away. I'm sure you'll all have a lovely time

purplebaglady · 10/03/2016 15:28

We did this over and over many years ago. DMIL loved every minute but she did understand she would be sharing a room with at least one child. It was a special holiday, lovely memories. Thing is, time is precious, one day you have them, then they are gone. Seize the day. Never hesitate to make special memories. Xx

SilkObsidian · 10/03/2016 15:31

Sorry I don't think it's very fair to put DS in with her at night! What if she wants to stay up late, watch TV in bed etc? She will have to tiptoe around her room and would feel restricted.

If it's a 'treat' I think you need to get her a nice luxurious room of her own, where she can relax and not feel on duty! Otherwise it sounds like you're inviting her to watch him overnight and get him up in the mornings!

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