to find this mentality annoying?

[MrsDeathOfRats]

My dh never finishes anything.

Orange juice - half a mouthful left in the bottle

Cheese - like Brie he will leave a tiny bit, like the top piece with the skin on.

Fresh bread (like baguette) he will leave 1 inch or so wrapped in the paper.

Cake - a sliver will be left on the plate.

Packet of biscuits - one left in the packet. Sometimes it's just ^half!
^
He has always done this. I never really questioned it too much. It was clearly a habit so just left it.
But recently he has started telling Dd that it is rude to finish things.
Ie - don't finish the juice, what if someone else wants some?
Don't finish the cheese -
That it is rude and selfish to finish something.
But this drives me mad.
Also, when I questioned this he basically had to say that he thinks I am rude when I finish something.
So my only understanding is that we have to throw away the last piece of everything just so no one is rude by consuming it....

Wtf. That is nuts isn't it???

No I wouldn't be happy with him telling DD that is rude to finish all of her packet of crisps and that the mannerly thing to do is put the packet back in the cupboard with a half a Hula Hoop in it. There'd be a logic to it if he was suggesting that a portion of something be left - like never eat the last slice of bread or always leave a small bowls worth of cereal until bread/cereal supply can be replenished.

But that's not very practical either. Say you want a sandwich and see there's only one slice of bread left (and an oxo sized cube of cheese and a quarter of a slice of ham) You can't even use the slice to make a mini sandwich because it's rude to finish the bread. So what good is that slice if no-one can actually have it? Or the cereal? "Oh good, there's a few Cornflakes left, I'm starving. But wait, I must go to the shop to get another packet of cereal otherwise I'll be eating the last of the cereal and someone else might want cereal in a minute." Well they wouldn't have been able to have the cereal anyway but it would've been the last of the cereal.

Who does he think he is leaving the last bit for / who would think it was rude if it's just you and DD in the house?

I think OP, just sit down and have a chat to him about it. There's a difference between eating to your appetite, not wasting leftovers and leaving little bits of food that will end up getting wasted.

Unstable countries tend not have an overabundance of food, so it's likely that he may have very different ideas of food and waste too.

You probably do this anyway, but I'd also be very careful for both of you to always be respectful of each others culture in front of your child, as that culture is part of their heritage and themselves too.

I am Chinese and have never come across this don't-clean-your-plate business.

Also bear in mind that what applies in large social occasions don't necessarily apply to private family settings. And even within one cultural group everyone would still do things differently. I have certainly met people who assume I would do this or that because they happened to know another Chinese person. On those occasions I found it pretty offensive.

Hmm. I wonder what Google tells about what Chinese people do ... Shall I google?

No, not brought up to think finishing everything is greedy dinosaurs, quite the opposite - my family are a right bunch of gannets! They would actually tease me about it (not being friends with fairies themselves the philistines)

I also find this funny
I have come across this as a cultural/European trait before.

As if
a) the UK is not in Europe
b) all of Europe is the same
c) everyone in the same country elsewhere in Europe are the same

Customs regarding food vary widely, from the leaving something to finishing all the food in your plate. It can vary from family to family and lead to misunderstandings.
I find that the best thing is to believe people when they say they want/don't want more and don't bother ourselves with what people do with food.

In many cultures it is considered rude to clean your plate - just Google it - as it implies you have not been provided with sufficient food. This is a long-established etiquette rule in many societies.

If you are going to scoff at your partner's social customs, or resent if he shares them with your offspring, maybe he isn't the person you want to be having more children with? I should think his policies and mores should have equal standing with your own?

Since this isn't about clearing your plate I don't think your telling off is relevant.

Isn't not clearing your plate just one of those faux politeness things that get handed down from your "aspirational" parents.

This is a funny one really. I tend not to take the last whatever if sharing stuff with others like biscuits, cake, shared starter platters in restaurants and I have to be honest and say that I DO find it a bit rude if, say in work, there is a plate of biscuits and everyone takes one and there is one left and one person just takes it. Logically I know it is better to be eaten than wasted butt it still somehow 'feels' wrong to me. I'd never say it though. I work with 2 people who just take the extra goodies every time. I don't even want them but it sort of bothers me a bit...

At home if there is only a small bit of something left we always end to say to each other 'there's one piece of cake shall we split it?' or whatever.

Dh puts empty cartons back into the fridge...but that is another matter

Just to be clear - when I serve a meal he eats it all. Always clears his plate. Will sometimes return for seconds!

So I'll set the scene:
I am serving soup for dinner.
I will serve him a massive bowl of veg soup.
On the table will be a triangle of Brie and a baguette.

He will inhale devour the soup and we will all have cheese and bread. I will likely get up first to sort of fruit etc for DC and when I return there will be a sliver of Brie rind and an inch or 2 of bread neatly wrapped up.

It is not a case of leaving a little bit of your food on your plate. It is random stuff.

Eating 10 Jaffa cakes but leaving the last one in the packet.
Having a weak coffee cos there are only enough granules in the jar for one cup (there will be another jar available to open)
The cheese thing
Leaving a sliver of pie/cake/dessert (a small child portion)

I agree that if your at the table and there is one roast potato left you offer it to everyone else without just taking it. This is basic manners.
But leaving a mouthful of juice so you haven't been the one to finish it, or a dribble of milk - again just so your not the one to finish it etc etc is supposedly thinking of others and not being greedy or selfish or rude.
But it's fucking annoying!
I will chat it over with him, I know he won't see my point as he thinks I'm rude for finishing things!

Maybe he just doesn't want to be the one to put the empty package in the bin?

This would drive me mad. He is effectively leaving a little cleaning job for somebody else. Nobody's going to have some old brie rind or just a sip of juice. It's not rude to finish it. It's much ruder to leave someone a biscuit packet with half a biscuit in to clear up after you.

It does sound like he doesn't want to be the one to put the rubbish in the bin ... Not very impressed...

Empty the last bit of milk/orange juice in his glass?
Give him the last bit of cheese and bread saying there is no point putting back in the fridge/cupboard as it will just spoil?

This reminds me of the type of person who at a buffet party rushes to the table piles their plate up high and then only eats at the most half of it - greedy, bad mannered and infuriating - unless given too much to eat as I admit was always the case in America leaving any food is simply waste just the same as buying so much food it goes off in the fridge.

I was taught waste not want not which seems to fit with the current recycling ideas.

That would drive me nuts. I do wonder if he can really help it if it's been that ingrained into him from childhood, he may really struggle to behave differently. Could you maybe reach a compromise where you'll try to be laid back about him leaving random bits of stuff if he won't teach your daughter to do the same?

It might help he see the issue a bit better if you stop throwing away the ends for him. Leave the bottle of milk with a drop in the bottom in the fridge and just open a new one. Leave the end of the brie, no matter how bad the fridge smells,
until he gets around to throwing it away.

He may be unable to change his own habits but if he can be persuaded that it isn't a good thing and he should refrain from pressuring your daughter to develop the same habit that would be helpful.

Try to have a bit of a sense of humour about it if you can, and encourage him to as well. We all have our oddities.

So from your last post - if something is clearly just for him (his bowl of soup, his plate of food), he'll eat it all. However, if something is for sharing, the bread, cheese, milk, orange juice, biscuits etc, he won't finish it all, even if that means leaving not enough for someone else to have some. That does seem like the issue is he thinks it's rude to finish something that's for everyone, even if he's actually eaten so much there's not enough left for someone else to have a portion.

I'd tackle the logic of leaving a bit that's not enough for a portion for someone else. why leave it other than to not be the one to finish something (and therefore have to clear away the packaging or admit to have effectively eaten it all, which he's done if he's not left enough for you to have some).

Dh does this. He says it's rude to eat everything in a packet of something. The fact that what's left goes stale and ends up in the bin anyway doesn't seem to matter.

He always complains that ds1 finishes things up and empties the packet, but at least the food isn't wasted then.

I'm always finding tiny bits of stuff in the fridge, cupboard etc. It's just stupid.

He's weird about food and I think it was the way he was brought up. His parents seemed to hoard food, sometimes for years

It's good to teach your child to stop eating when full. Forget the rudeness part. That's crap

Are you sure that here isn't something else much bigger annoying you and that this rather small if annoying habit is like a last straw. Try making a joke of it - ie say too lazy to chuck the packet out again or something similar.
I'm glad you made this clear as it puts a completely different light on it from always leaving part of his own meal but I would still be tempted to put everything together just for him on a plate at the end of the week and say you want to be sure food isn't wasted. If this is your biggest annoyance you are very lucky.

We have been together for 5 years, have 2 DC.
I have made one or 2 jokes or exasperated comments over the years but never really said anything about it as I can see this is a habit for him. Not a conscious habit but an ingrained thing, probably from childhood. So I've not mentioned it. To the point that I didn't know why he did it, I just Accepted it.
But in light of him teaching Dd this bizarre habit I decided to ask him about it and explained that I don't understand it and I don't like it.

It means no one can ever have the last Jaffa cake. We always have to bin it I eat it while no one is looking usually and arrange the packaging in the bin like you can't tell if it's empty or not! and there will come a point where rating the penultimate Jaffa cake will be rude cos you know no one can eat the last one....

Anyway, if I don't throw out these ends of things then my fridge cheese area will fill up with carefully wrapped rind end of Brie, my bread bin will have copious small lumps of the best part of baguette. My fridge door will have squillions of cartons with dregs in and no one will ever have coffee again!!!

I do look at it with a sense of humour and I do humour him this habit.
It would never have become a thing had he not tried to enlist Dd.
I just wondered if I was being a bit harsh thinking it was such a strange habit!!

Until you can just ignore it, it will get bigger and bigger in your mind which is really bad for your sanity. Anything repetitive can drive you crazy and I'm not exaggerating, you must talk to him and try to be calm. Tell him that of you have to accept him doing it that's one thing but it is not the way you wish your child to grow up. Try to draw a line under it as long as he stops trying to make your child doing the same. Children could start thinking they are not allowed to have things which as long as they ask you are happy to let them have. Good luck!

He doesn't appear to have grasped the difference between taking more than your share and being greedy (which I agree is rude) and making a rule that means the last bit of any foodstuff is always wasted - which is crazy.

My Dad would have gone mad with this - he hated food waste - he spent five years in a POW camp and they were starving - not a single scrap of anything edible was wasted, and he carried that into future life
(Which made things a bit hard if you happened to be the kind of child who spilled their cornflakes etc. !) My Dad would eat previous night left over vegetables for breakfast the next day. And all cheese rind, fruit skins, veg skin, was eaten (unless obviously inedible).

I am Chinese and have never come across this don't-clean-your-plate business.

To be fair I am not Chinese, but live in Hk and have been warned by Chinese colleagues and friends that when eating out at meals paid for by others, you shouldnt clear your plate (and in particular dont eat all the rice you get at the end of a banquet as that's just a filler). However, yes I agree it doesnt apply in "at home" situations when your mum/ partner cooked dinner or even out when you're splitting the bill, so it has no bearing on this situation.

I can see where he's coming from when he says using the last of something is rude, because my ex would forever finish something without checking if it was needed or wanted by anyone else and then suddenly you can't make dinner!

However his not leaving enough for someone else to use is equally as rude.

When DH and I were growing up both sets of parents had the don't use the last of something without checking someone else wants or needs it first attitude.

Perhaps you can suggest that as a compromise to your DH?