AIBU to refuse to wash DH's nasty stinky handkerchiefs?

[SuperMumNot]

DH has always used handkerchiefs and I've always hated them - nasty, unhygienic wrinkled things .

He always has one in his pocket and at bedtime he transfers it to under his pillow (boak...)

He's a sniffling sort of person - always blowing his nose loudly (usually when I'm trying to talk to him, which also annoys me!)

I've tried to convince him to use tissues, but he won't.

He used to stick them in the laundry basket with the whites until one day, when I was ironing a nice linen white blouse of mine I noticed that there were bits of sticky green snot on it, which had obviously been transferred in the wash (more boak...)

Since then I've told him that he has to keep them separate and wash them himself at 60c/90c and they are not going in the family wash since lots of the rest of the washing gets done at 30c/40c as it's not really dirty, just used.
I've also said I'm not touching them - taking them out of pockets, or retrieving them from under the pillow!
I wouldn't expect him to collect/handle my used tissues, so I'm not sure why this is any different?

Now he's started putting them in with a coloured wash of his own at weekends, but is always making snide remarks about how 'petty' I am being.

AIBU?

Given that only DH uses cloth hankies, I fail to see why he has an issue with sorting out washing them.

Why would it ever be your responsibility.

I would chuck them out if I found them under the pillow etc.

My mum also used to boil up my dad's hankies in a pan on the hob. She had a special pan and special tongs, and she really resented doing it. And I hated her doing it - it seemed like the epitome of drudgery.

I knew then I'd never wash another person's snot rags.

My old housemates dad used hankies and would sometimes leave them on the side when he visited. It was one of the main reasons I moved out.

I need to stop reading this thread, the idea of a pan of boiling snot is too much for me.

My mum also used to boil up my dad's hankies in a pan on the hob. She had a special pan and special tongs, and she really resented doing it. And I hated her doing it - it seemed like the epitome of drudgery.

I knew then I'd never wash another person's snot rags.

I'm not sure if my mum resented it but she was boiling her own up too, so maybe your mum was at least washing hers at the same time. I know grasping at straws here. Can you imagine the water when tipped out, yuk.

My mother did NOT have snot rags

Nope, they were all his. He refused to use tissues for years. Or wash his own, naturally.

My DH uses a hankie on special occasions (Black Tie events, Dinners etc) and I thought he was being really old fashioned. It does seem to be a 'man thing'....is this because they don't wash the damned things?

I suppose it is no worse the period knickers, or any knickers for that matter, but I have just bought a bucket to soak anything nasty (turning into my mother). Am getting mucho satisfaction from purchasing Vanish, and soda crystals and the like

Rather a cotton hankie than a tissue in a far wash. DH's go in with tea towels and cloths every three weeks on 90. Never seen snot transferrance. Don't see it as an issue. He likes a proper hanky.

Dark wash

Zebra Did they even use to have tissues years ago, I think there was only that hard tissue type toilet paper, the stuff at school that wouldn't soak up liquid. Now, my parents were born in the late 20's so I'm talking long ago.

Liger123 what has that got to do with this discussion?

Since having kids I am not squeamish about anything and happily wash anything that's dirty for everyone.

I do get that some people find snot really disgusting though, but it doesn't bother me. Hankies are environmentally friendly. Tissues break into white fluff in the wash.

Hankies are better for the planet; hankies are kinder on your nose; hankies don't shred if you accidentally leave one in your pocket in the wash.

Honestly, you're getting your knickers in a twist!

I wash my and my OH's hankies in with everything else (according to colour) and have never had any issues. My OH happily bungs in any of my period stained pants in with his wash without being squeamish.

All a storm in a tea cup!

It's not that I don't know HOW to wash them (e.g. soak/boil whatever) it's just that I don't see WHY I should have to!

IT'S THIS: "are you skivvy who is meant to do the 'wife-work' AND enjoy it?" "it seemed like the epitome of drudgery."

IMO it's a step too far...

I'm not squeamish, and I've willingly dealt with poo/vomit/blood on clothes for the kids when they were small and incapable or anyone who was ill.

There is just something about the handkerchiefs which gets to me. Firstly I feel they are just unnecessary in the first place and then I just found something intensely arrogant and demeaning in the way that DH expected me to be happy to deal with them.

If he prefers them to tissues, that's fine, and I'm happy to respect his preference, but I think he should then deal with them.

There's a difference between handling the waistband of a pair of pants which may, or may not, have the occasional skid mark and having to retrieve a soggy snot-ridden hankie from pockets and beds.

It's like putting a DC's shitty pants in a wash with everything else. YADDDDNBU.

Despite working from home all the time, DH NEVER puts a wash on of mine or the DCs clothes or bedding/towels etc. Perhaps that's part of the problem.

If he goes to put his muddy cycling clothes in the wash and the machine has a wash that's just finished in it then he just shoves it in a basket and leaves for me to find/hang up later

Perhaps the issue is a bigger 'laundry wars' one !

100%, do not wash another one of his snot rags, dumping your and your kids washing in the basket, tell him to stop bloody moaning about washing his stuff. I'm annoyed for you.

Very old Stepford Wife here...still doing it all these decades on !

Soak in strong saline solution in a closed container(only for this use),rinse when you have a few and wash with other washing.

Tissues are from Hades if they go through the machine accidentally!

I am quite shocked at the level of vitriol against hankies here. Fair enough, you don't have to like them and you don't have to use them, but people saying they couldn't marry someone who used cloth hankies and they want to vom? Really?

My husband and I both use proper hankies, my son does as well (he currently has hand hemmed by me Minecraft fabric hankies). We save lots of money on tissues, keep rubbish out of landfill, and if there are particularly dirty hankies I put them through a rinse in the washing machine before putting the rest of the washing in (I usually wash them with underwear/towels - and have had no problems with snot deposits).

Then again, my babies wore washable nappies and I used to use washable sanitary towels so I've probably just caused a mass outbreak of vomiting among those on this thread who can't handle the thought of bodily fluids on cloth.

I don't care how eco hankies are. If tissues were made of clubbed baby seals I'd still choose them over carrying a rag covered in disease in my pocket.
Why stop at snot? Why not use a hankie to wipe your foof or arse then pop it right in your pocket.

Thankfully I don't wipe my nose on disease covered rags. I was unaware that such a large percentage of the population was producing such copious amounts of toxic snot.

I don't actually use hankies because they are eco, I use them because I like them. Maybe I have a very low snot production as, major colds aside, I don't really have a problem with encrusted hankies.

So what do people do with tissues?

Do they immediately go into a covered bin or get incinerated after a single use?

And do people then wash/sanitise their hands which - after all - have been in contact with said tissue?

How come any of us are left alive?

I don't know Marianne clearly we should be disposing of them in hazardous waste bins

I imagine that the husbands who are leaving snot encrusted rags kicking about (is snot a particularly male thing?) are similarly lax about taking tissues out of pockets before washing.

I am actually quite fussy and a bit of a hand washer, but I hadn't realised how calm and laissez faire I am when it comes to hankies.

Yeah I mean, possibly too much information, but if I had a nose full of thick green snot I would blow it on a bit of bog roll and bung it straight down the loo.

If I had a clear drippy nose, which is how my hayfever and colds tend to go, then it's nice soft comforting hankies all the way. The older and softer the better.

anything totally rank - ie gloves covered in horse piss, yes that happens in our house - go in the sink next to the washing machine NEVER in the laundry basket

the hankies sound revolting but I suppose more environmentally friendly than tissues

Surely your washer must be pretty crap if it can't deal with a simple snot stain?

I don't think the problem lies with him, loads of people put used hankies in the wash without a 2nd thought.

How do you feel about washable nappies?