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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset

37 replies

ginplease83 · 08/03/2016 19:47

I've recently announced that I'm having DC2. Just a quick 'we are expecting a baby in September 2016' on Facebook.
Comments include
"Good luck with 2 under 2"
"That wasn't very well planned a month before DD's birthday"

And today at work, a colleague who I know had her DD via IVF (maybe that's a factor) "people who get pregnant by accident" with a throttling action.

AIBU to think these aren't normal responses? Or is this normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
ginplease83 · 08/03/2016 19:48

Sorry upset is the wrong word. I'm just a bit shocked!

OP posts:
Afreshstartplease · 08/03/2016 19:49

When we announce our fourth pregnancy I'm fully waiting for ...

Haven't you got a TV?

sara11272 · 08/03/2016 19:53

People are numpties and often just say the first nonsense that comes into their head. I got pregnant (with twins as it turned out) when DS was just one. Someone asked 'was it an accident?'

Congrats btw!

VoldysGoneMouldy · 08/03/2016 19:53

People can be utter twats. I'm sorry.

Congratulations Flowers

Original poster
ginplease83 · 08/03/2016 19:54

Thank you! It's my 4th pregnancy too but only 1 DC 😟

OP posts:
CrazyDuchess · 08/03/2016 19:54

What proportion of these comments were negative v positive??

TruJay · 08/03/2016 19:57

People are twats, I'd be upset too. Easier said than done but try and ignore personally I'd tell them to fuck off and huge congratulations from me.

afresh I really want someone to say the TV thing to me if we have anymore so I can say "yes, we just prefer having sex" Grin

dontaskdonttell · 08/03/2016 19:57

I'm expecting ds3... I have had some ridiculous and some very hurtful comments, so I can relate.

I have 18 months between ds1 and ds2 and it wasn't as difficult as people made me believe it would be!

People seem to think they can comment as openly as they like when it comes to pregnancy! Ignore them!!

Congratulations Thanks

Pinkheart5915 · 08/03/2016 20:00

we have a ds that is 6 months old and I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant with baby 2. So baby is due in August and our son turns 1 in September.
Our family we're happy and lovely but some freiends made remarks like;
Oh you had sex quick after birth
I wouldn't have them that close together
Was it planned

I think it's rude as honestly it's none of there business

Trooperslane · 08/03/2016 20:02

People are cocks. Congrats Gin.

I do feel like that when people get pregnant, after 8 years of trying for dd, 2x IVF, 2 ICSI, 2 natural pregnancies ending in miscarriage before all the fertility treatment and a late loss of a very surprise pregnancy this time last year.

Would I ever say it? Would I fuck.

People have NO IDEA what others are dealing with. I struggle, really really badly with pregnancy announcements and new babies, but I would never, ever be like that.

I'm really angry on your behalf.

Sorry, I have #baggage.

Congrats again and I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy Thanks

AnnaMarlowe · 08/03/2016 20:09

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

People are weird.

I have twins, some of the stuff people said to me on announcing was truly bonkers.

I work in the basis that anyone who can't think of something nice to say about a new baby is truly to be pitied.

lorelei9 · 08/03/2016 20:17

gin "And today at work, a colleague who I know had her DD via IVF (maybe that's a factor) "people who get pregnant by accident" with a throttling action."

woah, seriously? That was actually posted as a direct response to your announcement?

the others are a bit odd but that one's really quite nasty.

Original poster
ginplease83 · 08/03/2016 20:20

Thank you troopers. I've had 2 miscarriages too. Flowers for you as I remember how it made me feel. I hope it happens for you soon.

OP posts:
John4703 · 08/03/2016 20:21

When we announce our fourth pregnancy I'm fully waiting for ...
Haven't you got a TV?
We used to foster and we got on a bus with our 4 children and 3 foster children, all under 10. The bus driver said "Don't you have a TV?" and our son replied "They do but it keeps breaking down" Priceless from a 10 year old.
Congratulations to the OP. Enjoy your family. Having children close together is hard work but great so ignore ignorant jealous people and be happy.

HanYOLO · 08/03/2016 20:21

The FB posts like "good luck with 2 under 2" is deffo meant jokingly

The work colleague, however, was not being nice.

Some people think everything is about them.

blanchett0109 · 08/03/2016 20:21

That's why I unfriended so many people on FB. Only actual friends - who wouldn't say these horrible things. Get unfriending!

Original poster
ginplease83 · 08/03/2016 20:23

She was saying it to someone else but I was next to her. It was about 3 hours after I told them and we were discussing babies over lunch. She's married a guy 19 years older than her who had the snip so they had to have IVF. She's desperately after another so I guess she just lost herself.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/03/2016 20:24

Congratulations Flowers

A 23 month age gap really isn't that small!!!

It's weird if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all springs to mind...

lorelei9 · 08/03/2016 20:25

gin - so it was in conversation, not in lieu of "congratulations" on your FAcebook wall? Just confused.

if spoken out loud then possible she thought you couldn't hear? or wouldn't mind?

lorelei9 · 08/03/2016 20:25

PS as a childfree person, "she married a guy who had the snip" - sheesh, when I was dating it was the holy grail to find such a man. What a waste.

Original poster
ginplease83 · 08/03/2016 20:31

I guess it was in conversation afterwards. My boss announced it and then I went to a meeting, sat down to stuff myself. We discussed babies she asked 'was it planned?' 'no' (I'd gone back on the pill) 'it took us 4 years count yourself lucky' turned to other colleague next to her 'I got pregnant accidently' in a squeaky voice accompanied by a throttle.

OP posts:
beardsrock · 08/03/2016 20:34

'People have NO IDEA what others are dealing with'

Yes, yes, yes.

People seem to think if you don't tell them every detail of your life that you are not going through IVF, miscarriage, fertility problems.

I just choose not to tell you. And I don't tell you for a reason. It's none of your bloody business!

If someone else asks me if we are trying for #2, if I want a second child I will scream.

Someone asked me at Xmas if I was pregnant because I wasn't drinking (because that's the only reason people don't drink, right?). I lost the plot as I had been pregnant but had just miscarried the previous week.

I feel your pain OP, people are totally insensitive.

Congrats on your pregnancy Flowers

Original poster
ginplease83 · 08/03/2016 20:34

Lorelei- I guess it is.....until you decide you want to reproduce! Haha!

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/03/2016 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 · 08/03/2016 20:40

gin - it sounds like your workplace is pretty direct - with your boss asking if it was an accident? how is that her business?!

yeah, people are weird. what can you do? 2 under 2 is probably the person's idea of a "joke" though. Couple of my friends thought it was better and easier to get toddler stage out of the way in one go - horses for courses.

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