To call my son a spoilt brat 😡😡

[Stressedmama16]

Went shopping at the weekend with dd and she spent her birthday money, ds spent his in October but had a voucher. He was at a friends house so we chose something we knew he would love.

Got home and he had an hour long tantrum because dd had more stuff than him.

Today, he received his Easter eggs from his dad and Iv packed them away for Easter. They both have 4 each which is plenty! He's been crying and moaning about how "that's not much, will I get more from other people!?" So I told him to stop acting like a spoilt brat. All he does is moan and he's so ungrateful.

He's now upstairs screaming that I'm so mean and I'm the worse mum ever. He's 6 btw.

Iv just had enough of his moaning!!

Kurri I have seen many an ex partner showering their child with gifts partly to assuage their guilt at being absent. I think it's very easily done, often subconsciously.

I know a divorced couple who are completely on the same page with regard to treats and presents, and it's the grandparents who have created the 'spoiling' problem. As time has gone on though the sensible limits of the parents have own out.

One egg once is very different to four eggs annually.

My kids have one egg each year. We celebrate Easter in various ways and the egg thing is just a small part. A child can only eat so much chocolate.

Maybe trying an activity with him that involves giving to/helping others? Then he can see first hand why he should be gratefuland do something nice for people who are less fortunate.

My 7 year old is also quite selfish. Before you all say it's my fault, he's 1 of 4 and the others have been fine. He always askes 'What can I have?' and 'I've only got 2 things' when we are in the shop. Some kids are lucky to get anything, and he's complaining because 'he's only got 2 things'. He's very food orientated always wants to know whats coming next and how long till he can have something else while he's having something! I'm hoping he'll grow out of it, I do explain why he's being greedy but he doesn't seem to care.

If your dc aren't required to save some of the cash they're given for birthdays etc, you're raising them to believe that money grows on trees is there to be spent and they will grow up knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.

The onus is on parents to ensure that the values they teach their dc will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives and the lessons can't begin too early.

At 6 years old your ds isn't too young to understand that his sibling(s) will have more 'goods' or new items when it's their birthday and vice versa when he's the birthday boy, but that even when it appears a sibling or another child has more than him, he should be thankful for what he does have as so many children in this country and elsewhere have nothing like as many toys and home comforts as he does.

As I believe that 'gratitude' is the preserve of adults, I don't expect or require children to be grateful for what they're given but, nevertheless and regardless of age, an expression of genuine thanks should automatically be forthcoming when gifts are received and any attempt to compare the gift with that of another's, or complain that it's not enough or disparage it in any way, should be actively discouraged.

Talk to him when he's calmed down and is less fractious and tell him a tale of two dc, one of whom moans and whines that he doesn't get as much as other dc and is never satisfied with what he does have and one who never moans and always shows their appreciation of the gifts they're given, and ask him which dc he'd most want to buy a present for?

If he chooses the 1st dc ask him why and you may get some valuable insight into his feelings.

If you do decide that he loses an egg if he whines, don't bin them, give them to a food bank or something less wasteful.

Op I sympathize with you, but please don't bin the easter eggs, that other people have bought. How do you think the people will feel about you if they ask your son if they enjoyed the egg, and he responded by telling them you had chucked the eggs out?

I'm sure you wouldn't be so ungrateful as to bin Easter eggs bought for your dc by others just because your ds has had a tantrum about the number he's hoping to receive, OP.

Far better to eat them and tell anyone who asks what became of their egg why you scoffed it.

He's 6 fgs. This talk of throwing out the eggs or worse yet, stamping on them in front of him are way ott. I'm no soft touch but he didn't get like this through no reason. I'm guessing it's to do with his father.

I don't know why you aren't buying your own child an easter egg though.

Why would you buy a child who has 4 Easter eggs another Easter egg? Is he Augustus Gloop?

Why are you blaming your six your old for being an emotional mess about possessions and gifts?
I am a behaviour is the language of the child sort of person and I would be wondering what he was actually trying to say.
A bit fluffy for Mumsnet I know, but your son sounds like he is hurting, and spoiled yes as in stuff going on in his life is spoiling his enjoyment of the everyday.

*I worry that dd who is 3 will end up like this. She's not showing any signs of it yet but i do tend to buy her frequent things but i think there is a world of difference between a spolit child and a spolit brat.

Its fine to have a spolit child but not a spolit brat.*

No. Spoiling a child is a bad thing. Parents are responsible for the way their child turns out and you seem to be the kind of person who thinks spoiling a child shows them love.

Another parent saw my boy (3) in Toys r Us having a look and play and then happily tidying up and leaving when we told him it was time to go home. She talked about how her son (same class) would be screaming and crying if she only bought him one toy which she always does, she said, and not all the ones he wanted. She wanted to know why our son was so well behaved.

Don't give them so much stuff. Besides a bike for one of my birthdays, I can't really remember most of the 'things' my parents gave me growing up. It's the games we played together, making bows and arrows, potato printing and things like that that stick with me.

Concentrate less on stuff. You're the parent and are entirely responsible for his behaviour.

LESS STUFF

Presents !=love

I feel for you, OP. This co-parenting lark is for the birds sometimes. I was a single mother and now my dd is one too. The difference is that her father just wasn't interested, whereas my dd's ex is a classic spoiler. He adores his daughter but doesn't have a titter of wit. So far so good, as dgd is still small, but it is getting harder.

As for the term "spoilt", I live in Mexico and I much prefer the term in Spanish, which is "maleducado" which means "badly brought up". I think the Spanish term points very clearly to the parents.

Agree with Atenco, and I love that Spanish term.

It is really hard when you have an ex who is not on the same page. Please stop buying treats and stuff they neither ask for nor need. Treats on tap are provided for reasons of the parent, not for the good of the child.

Your DCs are old enough to be able to earn them. They will be much happier when there is structure, predictability (cause and effect) to gifting or acquiring things, and no hidden agenda behind the act of giving. Stick to your guns and be solid and consistent. This is what they really want.

Don't punish by taking things. That only reinforces the concept of things being really, really significant. 'Punish' by asking for an apology for unacceptable behaviour (channeling Supernanny here but heyho) and a plan for how they will behave in future when they feel frustrated or angry or whatever. 6 is not too young to understand what is and what is not OK as a way to communicate feelings.

Please also be aware in the context of today's meltdown that to a 6 yo a pile of stuff is better than one carefully chosen item. They are not really rational or aware of value for money. They think in terms of volume.

Take back everything you bought. Stop buying them things all the time. My kids were given birthday and Christmas presents. In between if we went somewhere special a zoo, special museum ( away) or on holiday they were allowed a small amount to spend. Anything else had to be earned. They all grew up being satisfied with life and careful with money. All of them have savings but they also enjoy life and holidays.
I am amazed at the constant gifts the kids at school have and these are the kids who whinge and say it isn't fair.
Put the eggs away. Give him one a week. Our kids only ever had two one from the Easter Bunny and one from us.

OP, he's 6 and you still have time to put a few changes in place to ensure he understands things a bit better and the tantrums and wanting things die out sooner rather than later.

And you called him a spoilt brat? So what? It probably looked very true on the day but I bet you he's a lovely lad, a typical wee 6 year old, who's well brought up and a credit to you and perhaps even his dad as well.

Re the Easter Eggs - I was brought up in a time when the sideboard would be groaning with them so 4 seems about normal if you count them from granny etc. We'd get loads of them, but mind you, Easter was more of a thing then and there was a lot of significance behind the meaning of them along with our Easter Bonnets, bonny frocks, and new gloves we wore to church for the first time on Easter Sunday.

Your son isn't a master criminal and I would put money on some of the people who post on these threads masquerading as perfect parents probably being a little short sighted as to the reality of what goes on in their own life. There really is no need to hammer your son (or his eggs) for how he behaved and I think if you approach things gently with him it will pay dividends.

Oh and try not to forget that AIBU is generally a place for those who have their own frustrations in life to come and give someone a kicking.

Unfortunately the more stuff kids get the more they usually expect. They are born innately selfish and do not learn empathy, tolerance etc usually until way after the age of 6. Tantrums are an immediate response to something they are unhappy about, in this case the fact that your daughter had spent her birthday money so had more than him. He needs to learn this will happen so personally I would not have spent his voucher but told him you will take him out shopping to buy what he wants so he feels he has some choice and control. I think you are going a bit overboard about the Easter eggs and unfair to destroy them or not get him one from you. My kids often used to get a lot when they were young from relatives etc and I just rationed them so they got one every two days and had a week or two to eat them.

Buy him less stuff, speak to his Dad for support and he will grow out of this and appreciate things more.

"spoilt" is a tough one. I try to bring mine up not to be spoilt; they do have a fair bit of stuff, but they're taught not to expect stuff on a regular basis, that they have to wait for birthdays and Christmas for big stuff.

Having said that, they do often get a treat of e.g. a Kinder egg with a toy in it (but only when it's something like a Minion or a Star Wars toy, not an of the non-specific plastic crap), and sometimes I'll buy them a random book or DVD.

DS1 is a bit of a "begger" - which gets him precisely nowhere - but annoys the hell out of me when he does it. However, he doesn't tantrum about it. DS2 is pretty good at not begging yet but then he's only 3, so he may change.

I tell DS1 when he starts with his begging nonsense that he has lots of stuff, he doesn't need any more stuff and I'm not buying whatever it is just because he wants it. He does accept that, and settles down, but it doesn't prevent him next time from starting, which is a bit of a shame but then he's only just 8, and is still fairly emotion-driven.

DH doesn't really help - he'd just buy them whatever they wanted to shut them up - we're still together but he's still a "disney dad"! Annoys me dreadfully!

Meh - he's 6. His birthday probably feels like a lifetime ago. He'll get over it if you ignore him.

Show him footage of small children on tv who have been walking towards Europe since before Christmas, who didn't get a Christmas, have no home or "things" and certainly won't be getting Easter eggs and gently explain that he is a very lucky child.