To call my son a spoilt brat 😡😡

[Stressedmama16]

Went shopping at the weekend with dd and she spent her birthday money, ds spent his in October but had a voucher. He was at a friends house so we chose something we knew he would love.

Got home and he had an hour long tantrum because dd had more stuff than him.

Today, he received his Easter eggs from his dad and Iv packed them away for Easter. They both have 4 each which is plenty! He's been crying and moaning about how "that's not much, will I get more from other people!?" So I told him to stop acting like a spoilt brat. All he does is moan and he's so ungrateful.

He's now upstairs screaming that I'm so mean and I'm the worse mum ever. He's 6 btw.

Iv just had enough of his moaning!!

Tbh I don't buy him much at all. He gets a blind bag once every two weeks from me. But when he goes to his dad he buys them whatever they want😡 They don't get anything from me other than birthdays and Xmas.

4 Easter eggs are from dad, his parents and one from my dad.

I'm not buying him any, which is why he was tantruming

I worry that dd who is 3 will end up like this. Shes not showing any signs of it yet but i do tend to buy her frequent things but i think there is a world of difference between a spolit child and a spolit brat.

Its fine to have a spolit child but not a spolit brat.

I think getting the balance right is tricky though.

Yabu for letting it get this far and then getting cross and blaming him

He's six, kids that age whine and whinge and compare everything. You are the parent who has spoiled him and who seems to prefer his sister to him, and then you get cross with him.

You need to toughen up with both of them fairly

Spoilt*

You need to relax with he buying them stuff!

Im assuming a blind bag is a lucky dip bag for around £3 - £4 and you dont know what your going to get until you open it

He has learnt that tantrums get him what he wants, with you and his dad.
Ignore the tantrum, don't reward it in any way and he will eventually learn not to behave like this.
The more you buy children, the more they want. His dad needs to know this too.

Some children aren't happy even when they don't get much they always appreciated when they get something. It's not necessarily the OP spooling him that's made him act this way.

Not giving in and not responding to his tantrum is the ideal way to deal with it. I'd also be saying if the eggs are mentioned again he won't find them there at Easter either.

Is 'buying so much stuff' a blind bag? whatever that is

You said you only buying something ( a blind bag) every few weeks but also said you bought him some things he didn't need this weekend.

I'm confused. Did I read it wrong - always possible.

I was often accused of being ungrateful when I was growing up. There will be children in his class who get say, ten Easter eggs, so he's probably just comparing himself to them rather than the children who get none. I think that gratefulness is better understood by children who are either older or who have had experience of having very little.

To be fair, is he struggling with your split with his dad? You don't mention how recent that is? 6 year olds can't really understand their emotions or process them. The emotions he can't handle can show in bad behaviour and outbursts.

What's a blind bag?

I'm afraid his attitude comes from you and his father.

A blind bag is a small toy in a bag, you don't know what it is until you open it. Like those little Lego mini figures, for example.

Blind bag= cellophane bag for kids full of comic, crayons, little toy, sweets. Find in most newsagents at an inflated price.

I also think that at 6 they are still young and can act out about things for other reasons. Maybe a general feeling he had missed out spending time with you while his sister did, even though he was also doing something fun, it doesn't always work like that in a child's head.

So, absolutely have words about his behaviour, that it isn't acceptable, and a warning about future treats and the importance of gratitude, but don't do anything as spiteful as binning his eggs. Not a model of kind, gracious behaviour is it? If some of his eggs are from dad and grandparents, they are a freely given gift from others, not an instrument of punishment.

At 6 you are not stuck with a spoilt child, it is an ongoing process of teaching and learning, and they won't always get it right. Be firm but give them a way out, rather than escalating things and reinforcing feelings of being let out and disconnected. Then when he's calm and this particular issue is resolved, have some special time with him that doesn't involve bought treats.

I get lovely manners and behaviour from my five year old when I've put in some serious Lego time, on his terms, once in a while.

Can you open his eyes a little to what he has compared to some people...what about showing him the video that went viral of the children in Africa who were massively excited to get a shoebox of basic items like pencils, etc?

Wow! People are being quite harsh on you! With little understanding of the whole situation people are being very judgemental.

I think calling him a spoiled brat is probably a bit unkind even if that is how he was acting! Once he has calmed down I would be tempted to go to him and say you didn't mean what you said but you were upset too and then explain to him how his actions looked.

It can be hard to control what other people give your children. IF he had too many toys etc could you donate some to charity and explain to him how some people are less fortunate.

Absolutely Satsuki Time spent playing a board game (or similar) is a hundred times more valuable than any purchase. Ask any 6 year old what they got for their last birthday and most can't remember.

Spoilt or having a bad day? It might have been better to let him come along so he could see his sister had more vouchers left than he did?

Four eggs does not sound like a lot (from someone who never got any as a child). One from Mum, one from Dad, one from both sets of Grandparents. I went to school with kids who got more than that many years ago!

Actually I lied. I got one egg, once.

Well I may be flamed for this but I've seen it in my own family. DC get given whatever they want by the Dad when they visit, they then come to expect gifts on all occasions - not the child's fault they are too young to differentiate, and also learn that making a fuss gets them bought things by Dad.

Then Mum (or resident parent) who does the vast majority of childcare as the resident parent, gets blamed by the DC for having to be the one who tries to clamp down, and gets called out by onlookers when her child acts spoilt.It's very hard being the one who has to sort out the behaviour when the DC come back from the X.

It's also quite hard for a six year old to cope with another child having more than them - they forget that the situation was the other way around when it was their birthday especially if their birthdays are not close.

OP I think you can try to encourage him to understand more about money, and what he can buy - how long he might need to save to get something he wants (does he get pocket money/money for jobs?), and learn that sometimes you have to wait for things you want. And maybe try to get your X on board about not going crazy with the material stuff.

Maybe get him to think about children who don't have as much and - perhaps he could give away some toys he's outgrown to charity, or could watch youtube things about poorer children. Sport Relief is coming up soon -that might be a good opportunity to talk about less fortunate children and how lucky he is.

Young children are naturally self centred - totally normal - but he's at an age where he can start to understand thinking about others and being happy with what he has. being spoilt isn't necessarily all about owning lots of material things, I think it is more about not caring about anyone else's feelings and wanting everything your way. And I'm sure with a bit of encouragement he can start understanding that you can't always have everything you want.