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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you feel guilty about?

31 replies

totallybitching · 07/03/2016 22:23

I've noticed that there are a lot of things I carry on my shoulders that I don't necessarily need to worry about but do anyway such as;

If there are dishes in the sink
If I sleep later than 9am on a weekend
If I spend too much time watching tv
If I don't do amazing things like my peers
That I don't own a house
That despite being university educated I don't have an amazing job
That my savings are meagre

I have no dependants and no real obligations but I still feel this what I think of as "woman's guilt" for not being super woman - married, babied up with an amazing career, several hobbies and a sparkling clean house.

I know iabu as you shouldn't compare, people are swans, grass greener etc but what do you feel guilty about? Let's relieve some guilt and get a list going of all the silly things that play on our minds!

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 07/03/2016 22:26

Nothing really, I pretty much do whatever I please.

Original poster
totallybitching · 08/03/2016 21:34

Maybe it's just me then !

OP posts:
oldlaundbooth · 08/03/2016 21:35

Living abroad.

Working whilst DS is in nursery, even though he loves it

oldlaundbooth · 08/03/2016 21:36

I don't have an amazing job either OP and I have a good degree.

Meh.

MadisonAvenue · 08/03/2016 21:41

My son and his girlfriend just broke up. I'm quiet and don't chat a lot and she thought I didn't like her. I did like her, and now I can't help but feel guilty that I've hurt her in the past. Life has been fucking shit to her through her teens and I hate to think I added to that.

loveulotslikejellytots · 08/03/2016 21:42

I feel guilty that I couldn't breastfeed my dd. Long induced labour, emergency c section, drowsy tired baby, my milk never came in... All pretty much beyond my control. But we had to top up with formula after 2 days, she's been completely formula fed since 3 weeks old. I don't know why I feel guilty, she's happy, healthy, such a wonderful little girl that I am so completely in love with, I've no idea why I feel guilty.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 08/03/2016 21:43

Working and putting DS in full time childcare and then not making the most of my time off with him

vulgarbunting · 08/03/2016 21:43

I live in a tiny apartment, with my DH (no kids), and yet I still employ a cleaner.

I don't own a house yet. That is more shame than guilt though.

I buy breakfast from Leon every day. In fact, I buy 80% of my meals out of the house rather than making them myself.

HotWellies · 08/03/2016 21:44

I feel guilty that I really do not want to go back to work. I was made redundant 3 years ago and have been studying for a degree in a different field for the past 2 years. I finish in 18 months and actually I just want to stay at home, continue doing the school runs, and do the admin for my DH's business.

Muskateersmummy · 08/03/2016 21:51

I feel guilty that I couldn't keep dd safe and she was born premature and pretty battered

I feel guilty that I couldn't breast feed

I was feeling guilty for not being able to work due to a broken back, but since handing in my notice that has gone

But my biggest guilt was working mummy guilt, but some soul searching has led to a change in the work life balance and I'm hoping this too will pass !

wtffgs · 08/03/2016 22:01

Working full-time.
Taking bits of paid leave for sick kids (LP no family in UK)
Having a cleaner.
Not having saved for a pension.
Spending too much time on my phone (oh the irony!)
Being messy and now, thanks menopause, chronically forgetful! Hmm
I could go on ..... and on..... Sad

OneTiredMama · 08/03/2016 22:02

I feel guilty for not having a higher paid job despite my degree but only because I've had my ds and want to provide well for him.

I feel guilty that my house isn't always neat and tidy.

Feel guilty for not learning to forgive and move on even though I pretend I have.

I also felt guilty for being unable to breastfeed.

RumAppleGinger · 08/03/2016 22:03

I feel guilty that DS1 enjoyed an array of play dates, days out, soft play/zoo/park outings whereas life is much busier now and DS2 is pretty much just fitting in around the family's day to day life and responsibilities. He's only 16 months old and a really happy wee boy and I know that he neither knows or cares but fuck I wish I had the time to give him the one to one attention that DS1 had.

TimeToMuskUp · 08/03/2016 22:03

I feel guilty that I don't spend more time enjoying my DCs. Sometimes the grind of work, school, homework, rugby, swimming club and all the associated shite going on means I forget to play and laugh and really enjoy them. Tonight at bedtime I spent twenty minute smacking stupid noises at the 5 year old. Hearing him giggle so hard he can't breathe makes my heart sing, and I actually thought to myself as I left his room "what the fuck do I do with my life that's more important than this".

It's hard fitting everything in and still leaving room for fun.

witsender · 08/03/2016 22:04

Spending too much time online
Limited willpower around food
Being impatient with kids
Lack of motivation to do crafty stuff
Not sorting the garden

Gwenhwyfar · 08/03/2016 22:13

"If there are dishes in the sink
If I sleep later than 9am on a weekend"

I thought you must have children if you wrote that, but then you wrote that you don't. If you live on your own, or with another adult, I don't see any reason to feel bad about housework and you definitely don't need to feel bad about having a lie-in.

"That I don't own a house
That despite being university educated I don't have an amazing job
That my savings are meagre"

Me too. I feel sad about these things, but I tend to blame other people/the world. It's not as if I was offered a great job but chose to take the crap one. There aren't enough 'amazing' jobs to go around anyway, some of us have to do the mundane things that make the world go around. Nothing to feel guilty about.

Sometimes I feel a kind of general guilt, but looking back I think that's been some kind of anxiety/depression.

Original poster
totallybitching · 10/03/2016 17:54

Thanks guys - as much as I don't want anyone feeling that way it's nice to know I'm not alone!

OP posts:
wasonthelist · 10/03/2016 18:10

Almost everything op. I recognise a lot on your list and could add plenty. I also have that thing where I recall all the embarrassing things I have ever done on a regular basis just so I can cringe some more.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 10/03/2016 18:18

Being separated from the dd 's dad and what that might do to them.Being a too busy mum because I work ft.Being not as good at my job because I am a single mum. That ive got a sack of clothes that I collected for refugees a month ago sitting in my garage because I haven't had time to take it to the drop off point yet. I need to go though the house and tip a lot of stuff out- cupboards are rammed with old stuff-lots of exh's that I can't bring myself to go through.And I eat too much and exercise too little.

thebear1 · 10/03/2016 18:23

That I smoked on and off for 20 years. Now I am 43 and have two dc I feel guilty I did something that could still have horrible consequences. On a smaller scale the amount of screen time my children have. Although that one does not get too me in the early hours.

Chottie · 10/03/2016 18:46

I don't have a degree or an amazing job :)

But I am a happy person living in a healthy body and am loved by my family.

I've given up on guilt and stressing over embarrassing moments from the past, it's so freeing......

Stoodonlegoagain · 10/03/2016 18:55

That my house is always a mess
That I can't afford another baby
That I leave DD to go to work FT
That I smoke at work and have never told DP
That I never got my pre DC body back
That I never went to university
That I couldn't give birth naturally
That I spent the first few months of DDs life unable to do anything or play with her
That I rely far to heavily on DP

Ahh feels good to get that off my chest!!!

MsMermaid · 10/03/2016 18:56

I feel guilty that I never get to see dds in any assembly or special event at school, because I'm at work. I wish I could help on trips too. Then I shrug and get on with things, the kids know there's a good reason why I'm not able to.

I feel guilty that I sometimes get behind on my marking and feel like the pupils deserve better. Then I shrug and get on with it, I know I'm a good teacher and if I sometimes prioritise exam classes the others have their books marked in due course.

I try very hard not to feel guilty about things I can't change, and not have too much guilt about things I could only change by sacrifice something else.

Netflixandchill · 10/03/2016 18:59

I feel bad when I go to the toaster and eat 4 pieces of toast for absolutely no reason, or binge on biscuits. I sometimes cringe at the way I've spoken to my husband at points in the day.

Oysterbabe · 10/03/2016 19:24

That I'm still fat and still haven't DTD when DD is 10 weeks.
That I didn't manage to carry her to term and that something I did probably caused the hole in her heart.
That most days I just sit of the sofa holding her all day and do no housework because I won't let her cry, which she will if I put her down.
That sometimes I have to put her down and make her cry because I'm desperate for the loo.