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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman should get a life?

68 replies

EdithBouvierBeale · 07/03/2016 21:46

Just got a text from Dd's friend's mum. Apparently dd has been pulling "really nasty faces" at her dd and failed to say goodbye at school today. She has asked me to speak to my dd (they are 5 ffs)

My dd says everyone was just sticking out their tongues in the playground. I said she had to apologise because what else could I do?! I lost my job last week so I really think she should get things in perspective. Grrrrr.

OP posts:
leelu66 · 07/03/2016 23:11

Have you posted about this before? The woman sounds weird though.

IHeartKingThistle · 07/03/2016 23:16

Girls particularly do this sort of thing a lot. Parents quite often just have to let them get on with it and know when to do so - not sure this mum has quite figured it out yet!

hiddenhome2 · 07/03/2016 23:27

Just tell her your dd has a tic and if she mentions it again you'll punch her Wink

Pedestriana · 07/03/2016 23:31

DD was at a birthday party last weekend. One of the girls who is a little older than her, and in her class decided she didn't want to sit next to DD. She made a sulky face, stuck her tongue out at DD and put her hands over her ears when DD tried to talk to her.
Did I tell her mother? No
I reassured DD by saying "Oh dear, X must be in a bit of a bad mood today"
DD said "But she's not talking to me" so I suggested she smile at the grumpy child and say, "Oh well, I'll talk to Y instead" which she did.
On Monday after school DD and X were best buddies again.

Atenco · 08/03/2016 00:02

I like this suggestion: "Suggest to the mother that her daughter learns to pull an even nastier faces in response. The two five year olds can then slog it out until they get bored"

Fatmomma99 · 08/03/2016 00:48

"sorry. I didn't see anything and DD didn't mention anything. I'm sure they'll be BFFs tomorrow. We have to let them get on with it, don't we!"

lastuseraccount123 · 08/03/2016 01:17

yes I too have dealt with this kind of mother. Just try not to engage, or say something soothing like "I will speak to DD" and then just don't. If it keeps happening I'd tell the teacher. It's tough though. Some parents, luckily only a few, are really overinvolved in their kid's emotional lives.

lastuseraccount123 · 08/03/2016 01:20

wanted to address this from ghost

"Before we all start calling her fruit loop ect. Let's see it from her side. Her DD comes out of school upset, of course her back's going to get up. It's her baby, someone pulling a face and me as a 40 year old. I'd just think they were on glue, but to child that's a big deal. I suppose the poor mite is lying in bed worrying will little Edith and my other friend play with me tomorrow. All very well people laughing on her, but would it be so funny, if it were your children upset.
No I don't think it would"

Speaking for myself only, if my DD came home at 5 with this story I'd empathize with her, suggest maybe she try playing with some other kids, and then leave it. I would not text the other mum because that's just ridiculous.

ffs, they're 5.

Namechangenell · 08/03/2016 01:33

I had similar with another school mum a few weeks back. Her DC accused mine of hitting and pushing hers. I was surprised as it didn't sound like DD but still, she's a friend and so I followed up. My DD really didn't have a clue what was going on. So - I texted back that we weren't sure what had happened, DD didn't know anything about it and I'd clarify with the teacher. At which point, so called friend backs down and says it's all been a misunderstanding, they're just kids etc. Her DC had made it all up! No apology though, no nothing, just an attempt to back peddle and make out that I'm making too big a deal out of it. We're not really friends any more.

honeyiwashedmyhair · 08/03/2016 03:52

It was a big deal to her kid, so I understand why she may have been upset (because she doesn't want to see her child cry). However, you don't then go moaning about it! It's just what little kids do - she should be using that energy to teach her kid about life...

honeyiwashedmyhair · 08/03/2016 03:54

I completely agree with Namechangenell Smile

BastardGoDarkly · 08/03/2016 04:05

You completely agree with NamechangeNell ? She didn't give an opinion?

honeyiwashedmyhair · 08/03/2016 04:18

Oops! I meant the poster before - lastuseraccount123! Grin

Narp · 08/03/2016 06:39

I like longdiling's response. Because really, no-one was there to see this and it gives the mum the message that she needs some objectivity.

eddielizzard · 08/03/2016 06:59

ignore

forumdonkey · 08/03/2016 07:16

"Before we all start calling her fruit loop ect. Let's see it from her side. Her DD comes out of school upset, of course her back's going to get up. It's her baby, someone pulling a face and me as a 40 year old. I'd just think they were on glue, but to child that's a big deal. I suppose the poor mite is lying in bed worrying will little Edith and my other friend play with me tomorrow. All very well people laughing on her, but would it be so funny, if it were your children upset.
No I don't think it would"

With your response at 40 yr old this little darling will be crying, reporting to the police and going to therapy. Do we want to bring up strong independent women or delicate, fragile little wall flowers? If this is such a trauma for the DM & her DD at 5 yrs old god help them when they have to deal with real life issues ffs

DoreenLethal · 08/03/2016 07:19

Apparently dd has been pulling "really nasty faces" at her dd and failed to say goodbye at school today.

I would respond with 'That's because she is 5. Hope that helps'

blindsider · 08/03/2016 07:35

Iliveinalighthouse

All very valid points EXCEPT it is the adult that has sent the text not the child. It is the mothers job to sort the wheat from the chaff and be saying things like "I am sure it was all a bit of fun let's see how it goes tomorrow" if she goes straight to Defcon 5 Over silly faces she is going to be inthe funny farm if her DD actually gets bullied!

Youarentkiddingme · 08/03/2016 07:37

Id want clarification of what a really nasty face is. I'm struggling to understand how a 5yo pulls one of those!

I would also suggest she refer it to school.

A friend of mine was the mother who always got involved. She never believed her children did anything when the other parents responded with it was both children being children. The result is she has 2 DCs who can't manage any child not doing as they want and who both have self esteem issues now they are old enough for the children to call them on their behaviour.

I've always taught DS you can't control other people's behaviour - you can control your reaction to it.

TwoTwentyGowerRoad · 08/03/2016 07:38

I would text.

ptumbi · 08/03/2016 07:40

You've told her to apologise? Nononononono. Why should she, if they were both doing it - and it's face-pulling, fgs.

Ignore. It'll be something else later today - and if your dd apologises, she'll soon be apologising for stuff the other girl has made up...

Goingtobeawesome · 08/03/2016 07:52

Don't make your daughter apologise for sticking her tongue out and not saying goodbye!! That's where madness lies and you'll become the mad woman's bitch.

ThatWasThat · 08/03/2016 10:03

It's an opportunity to remind your daughter to be kind, and not a big deal either way. You're having a tough time which makes it hard to tolerate comparatively trivial issues, and I'm sorry to hear that.

Clearly this thread has been taken by many as an an opportunity to be unkind, however. I am suprised by the number of petty nasty responses.

JeanGenie23 · 08/03/2016 10:14

I wouldn't respond to text but I would say something face to face when you see this mum.

Something along the lines of I am sorry to hear your DD was upset, 5 yr olds can take silly games to heart sometimes can't they?

Whilst part of me would want to send the sticky out tongue emoji Wink,there is no need for silliness amongst adults aswell. However this mum needs to realise her DD isn't a precious princess and she perhaps it's about time she instilled some confidence in her own child to deal with this herself.

Claraoswald36 · 08/03/2016 10:23

I worry about and notice socially isolated kids all the time and would hate to think this is one of those kids.

However, encouraging your child on the cusp of struggling to tell tales and super validate their slight grievance makes it so much worse.

My early teenage clients who are struggling socially generally have a parent who is obsessed with every tiny perceived injustice and have made it almost impossibly for their kid to function socially Sad