To be sad that my life is turning out exactly how I predicted it would

[FlowersAndShit]

I'm 25, spent most of my life being agoraphobic/suffering with anxiety/depression/no friends/no job/never had a relationship.

I'm nc with my sister and have heard through my dad that she is getting married and wants me to come to the wedding in 3 years time. I cried and cried.

My sister is very popular so her wedding will be a big one, and I'll be the pathetic barren spinster sitting with my mum or dad wishing it was me.

I suppose the wedding invite is an olive branch (she was verbally abusive and told me I was a cunt) but I fear looking even more of a cunt if I don't go.

All I've ever wanted is to be a mum and be married, but my life is turning out exactly how I'd feared it would.

Who wants to bed in 3 years time i'll still be a barren spinster, but even more jaded and fucked up?

I can't make myself fertile, I can't make a man marry me, I can't make my mh issues go away. I can't make people like me, either.

I just feel so unlucky and angry, why me?

I've been keeping an eye on this thread and I think there's a lot of great advice in here I completely agree with those saying you shouldn't place your happiness or self-worth in the hands of a man or any romantic relationship. It's not only terrible for your own mental health but would also be a terrible drain on any relationship, or that's what I think/have experienced anyway. For the time being, I'd focus on improving your MH, I think once you do that you'll find the rest a lot easier to face.

Hello Flowers. Did you make a decision about looking after your family dog? I hope you decided to spend time with him and take him for walks when you can, as you used to do.

My own dog has been lost for threee days. He is 16 years old. He was found today and I cried tears of joy as you can imagen, because I know you love your dog.

I hope you are spending time with him because he will give you companionship, unconditional love, and if you take him walking when you are able, you get positive hormones in your body too! Win, win!

Why not you?

My advice: find a partner. Someone kind, with a good job, so he can support both of you until you feel well enough to get out in the world. Someone who can afford fertility treatment if you need it. The right partner could transform your life and it sounds like you need someone on hand 24/7 to help get you out of where you are now.
Bad idea. That rescuer-victim dynamic would make for a very unhealthy relationship, in which both people will be unhappy. And that attitude would even make OP vulnerable to abusive men - there is a type of arsehole who can sniff out a vulnerable woman who they can break down even more, 'you're so pathetic you wouldn't be able to cope without me' etc. Not having a go at ylaipi - she's not wrong that making some friends is a good idea. Friends who are kind and understanding. Is there another support group or mental health related group that you can go to, OP? Could you do an evening class? There are also the equivalent of dating sites for people who want to make more friends, meetup I think it's called.

What mental health help are you getting (if any)?

I do understand. I had to sit through two sisters' weddings, and have MH problems, only had one relationship. You will get there

Flowers If you have fertility problems, you can have treatment on the NHS initially. There are lots of things that can be done before going down the iui or IVF route. There's a long path before you get to that point and there's no point jumping ahead and being doom and gloom about it already. If it comes to that you will take one step at a time and tackle each problem as it arises. You've no idea if you'll even need it.

Concentrate on now.

By that I mean focus on getting your mental health better. Have you seen anyone about it? A GP would be a good first step.

Some really good advice on here. I am really struggling with my anxiety at the moment. Sometimes it feels like things will never get better, that there's no way out. I just don't know what to do at this point. I really feel for the OP and anyone else struggling and well done to those who have managed to overcome difficult situations and move forward.

Haven't read the whole thread.

25? Time for you yet. Get a working holiday visa for Australia or Canada (do it online).

Go over there, reinvent yourself. Leave the old flowersandshit behind, your new username is flowersareblooming.

Get a job, any job. Force yourself to meet people and socialise.

Get outside, breathe fresh air, you are alive! You can do anything. ANYTHING.

Discover yourself OP, you are so young!

Erm, oldlaundbooth perhaps you missed the bit where OP said she is agoraphobic?!

I've been with DP 4 years this spring. We bought our first house last year, DD is 8mo. I've just turned 27.
3 years ago I had terrible anxiety, no confidence, terrible depression. I binge drank, I was in and out of abusive relationships; not many friends, toxic relationship with my parents. I was close to giving up on everything.
Life does turn around, things do change, but you have to help it! I was very lucky to meet DP but I wouldn't have done if I hadn't decided to end the negative parts of my life and have a fresh start. If I'd have carried on with the way I was, I know I'd still be there now. It is so hard but it is down to you. You're only 25! You can do it, take positive steps, make small changes. 3 years is such a long time, it really is.

You're 25!?

You write as if you are 60 and its all over rather than all beginning! At 25 I went to many weddings single or with a friend as a plus one because I didn't have a significant other. There were happy couples true, but I sat on many a table were unhappy couples looked jealous at the freedom and happiness I found being single. Why do you assume that being single will be seen as a failure at that age?

Fill your life with something meaningful, that doesn't have to be a relationship - drawing, writing, blogging, iPhone photography - anything it doesn't even have to be stuff outside the house. That's the first step. Later you could maybe make contact with other people who share your hobbies this will give you something in common and to talk about. You might also find a partner interested in the same thing. Once you get started on a hobby you can do on your own at home consider something you could do that lets you interact with other people.

This three year wedding gives you a structure of where YOU want to be in three years - there is still time for you to be the girl at the wedding who has so many fascinating hobbies and projects on the go that you don't have time for a boyfriend. That in itself is pretty attractive.

I'm 38 - I've just had my first baby with a GREAT guy that I met 2 years ago. I didn't give settling down a second though at just 25 and some of my friends that did are depressed and unhappy at the choices they made and feel trapped and unhappy not knowing how to change their lives.

You have to want to change things though and not just show up at groups and expecting things to change without you taking charge of your life. You're not the passager, you're the driver, so eyes front and steer where you want to go. Stop taking your hand off the wheel and being surprised that you are not where you want to be.

25! God, I hated 25. And 22. AND 27. I read somewhere your brain doesn't finish developing until your late twenties; true for me, I felt like a whole new person around 28/29 and life finally began.

At 25 I listenned to Jimmy Eat World "The Middle" over and over again. Got me through loads. I strongly recommend it. Hang on, I'll sing you some...

"It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride, everything everything will be alright, everything everything will be just fine just fine."

Yes, yes, vacuous and naively optimistic (plus a little patronising when I write it down; sorry about that, the sentiment's there), but it really is the middle of the ride. You've only been a grown-up for 7 years! 7 years down and 60 years of adulthood left ahead of you. 60 more years of who knows what! Whatever you make with the hand you were dealt I say.

But for now go eeeeassy on yourself, you're only finding your feet, you're not meant to be have an all-singing all-dancing "life" up and running by now.

Going to listen to Jimmy eat world now and immerse myself in nostalgia. I love that song/album

Thanks for all the replies, feeling better now

dejar I'll be dogsitting on the days where stepdad is at work all day so he won't be on his own for more than 3-4 hours. I'm glad you found your dog.

I'm on medication and the gp can't really do much. like I said, i've had lots of therapy. I just need to get more confidence which i'm working on.

eatsleep Thank you, i'll have a listen now

eatsleep I've been looking for this song everywhere!

Turn the volume up - enjoy!!