Aibu to think this site has some contradictory ideas about relationships!

[wherethewildthingis]

Obviously not all posters, but the prevailing trend often!
"I found a profile of my h on a dating site, not sure if its old or recent, posting for advice"
"Get your ducks in a row, prepare to LTB".

"I've just had a baby, my ILS live 200 miles away, they want to visit next week and stay over, I don't want them to but my H does."
"He needs to prioritise his family of creation over his family of origin! If he can't do that, tell him to move back to his Mum!"

"My H didn't help my three year old get me anything at all for mothers day, not even a cheap card or a single daffodi. The last time he bought me anything was 1993. I don't usually mind or complain, but last week I had major surgery and the three year old is in tears because she didn't get me anything."
"Your H is not your child! Don't be so materialistic! You're lucky he put s a roof over your selfish head and allows you to be a mum!"

AIBU to find this a bit strange?!

YANBU.

It's all to do with who's around on the day you post. Different days produce different results.

i agree with you OP! Am I the only one? Can't be arsed to rtft.

Different days, different times, different boards, luck of the draw with which first poster(s) set the tone of the thread sometimes, whether or not the OP bothers to engage, tone of the OP ... that's a lot of variables in play.

Chaos theory springs to mind.

If the ideas are contradictory then there is no trend.

You think there's a party line but you think there's a contradictory thing going on? You're not making sense.

I am making sense- I'm saying that there are prevailing views on how men should behave in relationships/what behaviour women should expect, and that those views tend to contradict each other. Obviously I know there are thousands of people posting etc etc. However this is what I notice, it seems others notice it too!

Some of the shit posted on here makes me worry about the human race in general...
I blame health and safety rules for doing away with what is basically natural selection, resulting in a population who can use the Internet but shouldn't be allowed to cross the road unaided, let alone procreate or have functional jobs that other people may actually rely on them giving a f*ck about morality/human decency being tuned into reality.

It's a wild world out there, buckle up!!

Mother's Day threads are always always odd. I've learnt over the years not to engage. Also affair threads because there is a tendency to support a wall of silence that let's the man merrily shag his way round the country with everyone knowing but his wife.

However I think the point is that different people post on different threads. I'd have a tendency to say your DH is an arse if he doesn't get you anything for Mother's Day because it is his responsibility when your DCs are too young and because it's highly likely you're making sure he gets something for Father's Day but. . . . I just can't be arsed to post on Mother's Day threads so they'll have to live without my wisdom.

I just get worried that some mental views are posted as though they are normal, there was one the other week where the OP was unreasonable to want to use a hairdryer in her house for example.

But whatever, everyone's allowed an opinion, even if it's insane.

I agree there are party lines and they do seem contradictory sometimes. It's the mob mentality

It's fascinating actually, how people's apparently blunt and honest responses are subtly conditioned, both over time and within the microcosm of the thread...

The first couple of responses often open the floodgates for some bizarre opinions. Sometimes someone is brave enough to say "wait a minute" and the thread starts to balance out a bit.
I agree with the op to an extent that there are some very contradictory views, eg
"my 18 year old DD has been left out by her friendship group, she's very upset, what can I do to make her feel better"

Cue lots of "she's an adult op, why are you so invested in her social life blah blah blah"

"I've been left out of a social event by friends I've known for years because a new member has taken over everything..."

"OMG op, you poor thing, you've been wendied, they are all bitches blah blah blah"

But if there were party lines and a hive mentality then how could there be contradictions?

Party line/hive mind means everyone thinks the same.

The contradictions come from the same posters saying X behaviour is reasonable in one scenario and unreasonable in another, and they tend to do it in a mob manner.

YABVU

4

I agree with you OP and have the same perception, but I really can't be bothered with arguing the point because so many people will (and already have) come along and say you're generalising, which is an unwinnable battle because there are so many people on this site it is statistically almost impossible for there to be "party lines" even though there are some posters who are "relationships" stalwarts and jump on new threads as soon as they're posted to deliver the party line

i agree with you OP! Am I the only one? Can't be arsed to rtft.

Then go read a comic, it might be more your style!

This is a place for conversation and discussion not opinions dropped without actually taking in what others have to say, GrumpyOldBag!

I don't think the site has contradictory opinions as it is not an entity that can have opinions! There are a lot of individuals here who do have different opinions though, and that is what keeps it strong and fresh!

People often rush to tell women to leave their husbands, far too quickly but that's just how the internet is.

crunchy it's really shitty behaviour to put a line through passive aggressive comments

say what you mean, say who you are talking about but above all own it

anything else is just designed to make others feel like shit

was that your intention, bearing in mind that the premise of this thread is meant to be about how MN is not always a supportive place ?

"My DH has had his hands around my throat..."
"My DH gives me the bare minimum to feed the family and I have to account for how every penny is spent..."
"My DH has dating profiles and is exchanging sexy messages with strangers..."

Mostly you would see LTB type advice and no bloody wonder.

"Had a baby, don't want ILs visiting..."

You normally see a mixed response to this, sometimes people are BU, sometimes NU.

"3 year old didn't get a MD card and present..."

Mixed responses on this too, some sympathetic, some tough love, some pathetic.

I think your problem is that you just need to read a bit more.

C-

Must try harder.

I think there is a distinct party line on many things.

I quite like being the voice of dissent but you do get shouted down. I haven't noticed much contradiction though, aside from threads about children/ young adults and how we regard them. And speeding vs middle lane driving on motorways.

"C- , must try harder"?!?!

Fucking really???!!!!