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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn PILs about sick kids

33 replies

Katastrophe13 · 06/03/2016 09:34

We are due to have lunch with PIL today, they live about 40 mins away. Last two days DS has had temp and a headache/feeling unwell then last night DD vomitted and had diarrhea twice in the night. They both seem fine this morning. I said that we should call PIL and tell them the DC been ill in case they don't want to risk contamination and rearrange. DH says that they would interprete that as us saying we don't want to come and they won't mind about the DC being ill because they are their grandparents. I think it's rude to take potentially contagious children to anyone's house without warning. If it were my grandchildren I think I'd probably rather reaRrange although
I don't have any yet. So is DH being unreasonable or am I going to be a heartless cow of a grandmother?

OP posts:
Iguessyourestuckwithme · 06/03/2016 09:36

I would probably have called them yesterday so yes call them now

SmellySourdough · 06/03/2016 09:36

yanbu
tell them and let them decide

FranHastings · 06/03/2016 09:38

God, don't take them. In my experience, you could still be in for a couple of random vomits. I would definitely phone them and explain. There's no way I would either take children who had been ill like that out today to see anyone and 40 minutes is a big journey of they suddenly fall ill again. YANBU. He is!

Arfarfanarf · 06/03/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DelphiniumBlue · 06/03/2016 09:39

Depends how old they are- if GPs are in their 70s or otherwise frail/ extra susceptible to illness, then tell then.
Otherwise probably not, especially as DC seem OK now.

Arfarfanarf · 06/03/2016 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretSpy · 06/03/2016 09:41

Don't take them, they're ill and probably contagious.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/03/2016 09:42

do not take them.

mot fair on them.or the kids.

if they are the type of person who assumes it's you being an evil witch then frankly I'd let them get on with it and enjoy staying home as I'd not want to bother with them anyway.

Pseudo341 · 06/03/2016 09:43

It winds me up when people don't tell about illness. Give them a call, make it very very clear you still want to see them but you understand if they'd rather not risk it, then let them decide.

starry0ne · 06/03/2016 09:44

This child is not well... D & V in the night is not a well child..I would send DH on own...Your own DC needs time at home to get well..

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/03/2016 09:44

Definitely ring and give them the chance to rearrange if they want to.

I once had to do this when one of my kids was ill the night before going to my parents for Christmas. Fortunately, my parents said come anyway ( I don't think I could have been so accepting if I had been in their position) and fortunately all was well in the end. But it is surely only polite to give the PILs the choice.

Nanny0gg · 06/03/2016 09:51

48 rule for school.

And I would most definitely expect to be told!

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/03/2016 09:53

. But it is surely only polite to give the PILs the choice

Give them a call, make it very very clear you still want to see them but you understand if they'd rather not risk it, then let them decide

no, they don't get to decide.

the kids are ill. this isn't an emergency work/childcare situation.

the kids shouldn't have to be dragged out ill. it's very selfish to expect otherwise

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/03/2016 10:06

You are not being unreasonable. Your DH is acting like an idiot.

I would cancel the visit, a car journey is likely to make your children feel a lot worse as well. What if they are sick in the car?.

angielou123 · 06/03/2016 10:07

We wouldn't be going anywhere, no matter who thought what.

gamerwidow · 06/03/2016 10:11

I wouldn't, go sick kids are not going to cope well with a 40 minute drive then dinner. It's bad timing but these things happen and if they're ill they're ill and the gps will just have to accept it. Reschedule for next week with apologies.

80sMum · 06/03/2016 10:13

YANBU, but I don't think it's fair to ask your PIL to decide whether you should go or not.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 06/03/2016 10:13

I wouldn't be able to extract my lot from the house if they were that poorly. D&V sucks, and your husband is a selfish twat for not realising that his children probably need to rest.

Bunbaker · 06/03/2016 10:13

"I would cancel the visit, a car journey is likely to make your children feel a lot worse as well. What if they are sick in the car?."

Or what if they need the loo?

alltouchedout · 06/03/2016 10:18

If it was dh who had been ill, would he still be insisting on going?
Your dcs need to recover, odd that he can't see that.

sparkleglitterdaisy · 06/03/2016 10:21

Absolutely don't take them , if PIL want to visit you & know they're sick then that's up to them . But to drag them out when they're poorly is just not okay .

OhWotIsItThisTime · 06/03/2016 10:23

Don't take them and ring pil. You're risking a car covered in puke and shite. They won't want to eat dinner anyway, and nor should they - toast/soup if they can manage it. Plus pil will get it and be very ill as they're older.

QueryQuery · 06/03/2016 10:25

Don't go, end of story. Unspeakably unfair to everyone to drag vomity children out.

IHavemyownLighthouseyouknow · 06/03/2016 10:27

I'd call them to explain about the sickness & say you & the DC can't go but send DH by himself to theirs for lunch, they can't get upset about that.

Inertia · 06/03/2016 10:31

It's also horrendous for a child who has had diarrhoea and has been vomiting to be dragged out on a car journey and made to sit through lunch. I would cancel your visit but tell the in-laws they are welcome to come to you for a takeaway.