Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider locking him out

56 replies

saraah2354 · 05/03/2016 23:57

DP went out at 7, on the agreement he wouldn't be out long. At 11.15 he told he was on the way home but now his phone is ringing out, means no service so he's obviously still in a pub with no service.
I have been awake with our son for the last two hours because he just won't sleep
AIBU to want to lock the door, he has no key on him Grin why are men such selfish gits

OP posts:
ridemesideways · 06/03/2016 00:51

Does he have a drink problem?

MakeItRain · 06/03/2016 00:54

Yes, I agree, try not to make excuses. Wanting to be out til the early hours on his own, rather than be with his family is not good at all. Can you go to family or a friend's tomorrow? This man is not your "partner". He has checked out of your relationship. If this was happening to a friend, what would you be saying to her?

TheBouquets · 06/03/2016 00:58

I would be hopping mad with him for this too. If you have one of those door entry things I would switch it off and disconnect the house phone and switch my mobile off. This would leave him outside outside with no means of contacting you. This kind of treatment is not good.
I was caught out by a man who was always out alone. Turned out he was married with kids! I was not happy about this at all.

I hope this is sorted out soon and you are not losing sleep with a silly man as well as a fractious baby

BogeyBrain · 06/03/2016 01:05

When I first started reading this thread I was annoyed by what I assumed was a slightly controlling women (you). Reading through though, I quickly realised that something doesn't sound quite right.
OP, I would be cross too. He lied to you, has cut any means of contact or being contacted and has knowingly set himself up so that it's unlikely that he will be available in letting you put your feet up tomorrow.

Selfish.

When is your free time?
Why does he go out for long hours alone?
Could he be lying? It clearly doesn't phase him to lie to you.
Why does he go out every weekend?
What is he really upto?

Perhaps it's time to talk to your DH and set things straight?

jacks11 · 06/03/2016 01:10

YANBU. Agree with Fern- if no-one is going to be out that implies he is either drinking alone or with strangers (either that or he isn't doing what he claims to be doing). I would be quite annoyed that he would rather do that then spend time with me and our child, not only tonight but also while he will no doubt be "recovering" tomorrow from his hangover + lack of sleep due to late night. Meanwhile, he'll be leaving OP to do all the chores and look after a not-so-well child when she has not had a lot of sleep either by the sound of it.

PP's suggesting she should be fine and just "book a night out with the girls to make it fair" do rather seem to have missed the point above re rather spending time with strangers in the pub and that he has done it 2 weeks in a row now (and ? a fair few times before that). Not only that but he doesn't even have the courtesy to let OP know that he is going to be later than planned.

I'm not saying that OP's partner must seek permission to go out and socialise/have a drink with friends etc, but surely it is common courtesy to let your partner know if you plan to be out for a couple of hours vs a late night and to be let them know if plans change? Likewise, I would expect my partner to take into account any plans I had made/ plans we made together /shared family responsibilities. Once in a blue moon- well, I'd be a bit grumpy about it and probably not overly sympathetic to the hangover, but it's not the end of the world. Doing it 3 weekends in a row is a different matter.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 06/03/2016 01:16

If my husband was doing this I would definitely think he was lying. I've known some spectacular liars though. But something here doesn't add up OP.

TheBouquets · 06/03/2016 01:19

Just because I have mentioned that I was caught out by a married man acting single I don't necessarily think that this is definitely what your OH is doing. He could be involved in various other pursuits which are not cheating on you.
Just giving my expereinces

Vintage45 · 06/03/2016 01:22

Just to clarify, I said that in the beginning also thinking that the OP was being a bit matyrish/controlling. Since then it seems apparent that there is more to this and the OP seems to be in a shit relationship with a pig of a man.

blindsider · 06/03/2016 01:33

Why doesn't your complete sap I mean husband have his own key??

abbsismyhero · 06/03/2016 01:39

fuck it lock the door and go to sleep its inconsiderate as hell to go out with no keys meaning you have to leave the door unlocked or wait up for them

and yes i would be wondering why he is out apparently alone and un contactable

Original poster
saraah2354 · 06/03/2016 07:49

He does have a key but didn't take it as he didn't think he'd be long
He came back at 3! As predicted he is now failing to wake up to our child whose crying, bang goes my lie in and any help for the day

OP posts:
Ginmakesitallok · 06/03/2016 07:57

So elbow him and make sure he does get up. Don't be a martyr.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 06/03/2016 08:05

Why on earth did he stay out until 3am drinking on his own?!

harshbuttrue1980 · 06/03/2016 08:10

He's an individual and an adult, and should be able to go out when he likes, and shouldn't have a "home time". However, you should also have that right. Book a girls' night out soon! Is he actually stopping you, in which case he is being unfair.

Original poster
saraah2354 · 06/03/2016 08:11

He was in McDonalds for an hour apparently, not sure I believe that
He isn't getting up so I'm in the kitchen crying my eyes out. I know I'm not his mother but it's really upset me that he has barely tried to make the effort to let me lay in. Breakfast is out of the question as he will be rough. Didn't get a gift but I knew that already
I already feel so unappreciated and i just can't believe he is behaving like this. Suppose to be taking our mum's out to lunch but I just wanna flounce off on my own

OP posts:
Original poster
saraah2354 · 06/03/2016 08:12

Not he isn't stopping me my lack of friends is and usually I don't give him a time to be home by. He said he wouldn't be out long, given that he'd been out the previous weekend I believed it

OP posts:
fraggle84 · 06/03/2016 08:13

Id leave him to it, go out for breakfast with ds and if you don't hear from him I'd go for lunch without him

CaffeineBomb · 06/03/2016 08:16

Exactly what fraggle said. Go for breakfast with ds enjoy yourself see if he can be bothered to get in touch

Roseberrry · 06/03/2016 08:18
Sad

That's shit OP, what a selfish prick. Can you get out for the day with your ds? Don't stay in all day being annoyed by him, go out and do something nice with your boy.

Please don't just accept this behaviour and bury it down either. You deserve more.

Tableandchairs1234 · 06/03/2016 08:21

What a cock. So sorry you're having a shit time. Thanks

eddielizzard · 06/03/2016 08:27

you and your mum and mil should go out for a great lunch. leave him at home and be sure to tell them why. don't play the martyr card or cover up for him. i hope his mum gives him a serious blocking.

meanwhile, stop being his mum. insist on a weekly lie in and a lot more help.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/03/2016 08:33

That's crappy op Flowers.

The worse thing about it is the fact that he went out to be on his own on a Saturday night, rather than staying in with you and DS, or even the 3 of you going out together for a quick meal or drink.

Wake him up, the prat.

Original poster
saraah2354 · 06/03/2016 08:36

He's awake, I left our son in our bed having his bottle so he is awake. Just an utter selfish twat. Doubt his mum will care she's not really a part of his life, this will be the first mothers day in 6 years that he'll see her

OP posts:
Paintedhandprints · 06/03/2016 09:11

It's the hope that you might get a lie in or some sort of help with parenting that is so demoralising. If you were a single parent you would just soldier on and arrange proper, reliable childcare for a well deserved break.

kittybiscuits · 06/03/2016 09:17

I can't believe posters who say 'so arrange your own night out'. What's that got to do with anything? A competition to see who can behave like the biggest shithead? He either has a drink problem, or he's up to something else, or both. OP don't let this be your life!!