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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it is hard to work at home whilst in sole charge of a toddler?

70 replies

bibbitybobbityyhat · 05/03/2016 15:37

A friend of mine with a two year old is taking on a job where she will work from home (for someone else) during normal office hours, but her son isn't going to nursery or to have any other childcare. She reckons she can do 4 or 5 hours a day like this. I know there are nap times - although he may grow out of them soon - but is she being unrealistic? I haven't said anything. She is a lovely woman and has another son in Reception, I'm surprised she seems to have forgotten how you can't expect a toddler to sit quietly at home for 3 hours a day. Or maybe iabu?

OP posts:

Figgygal · 06/03/2016 07:08

Is her new employer aware of her plan? I dont think it will be allowed it is impossible to do both it really is AND still be effective.
Ive worked from home a few times with a sick preschooler stood at the bottom of the garden on the phone to Directors while he is banging at the backdoor he needs juice. CANT BE DONE

Snowybelle · 06/03/2016 07:14

I can not even get my laundry done or clean the bathrooms when dd is awake.

Which is all the time apart from one 60-80 minute nap where I'm too knackered to even talk. She is not a sleeper.

I often do stuff at night. Always tired.

I would desperately love an actual income whilst caring for her myself. But it seems impossible with such a hyper-energised little one who needs constant attention, plus housework and other jobs and keeping myself healthy.

Maybe your friend is better than me? Some women do it don't they.

Have a friend who works nights (to pay off debt) and thinks she works harder than most, that I sit around all day playing fun games with little one and am lucky not work.

If only she knew....

BikeRunSki · 06/03/2016 07:15

No way!

I wrote my company's home-working policy and write that wfh is not a replacement for childcare.

I once managed a day when DD was ill and still and quiet and DS was at school.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/03/2016 07:27

I did this with my 2 year old.i worked for a friend. I was at her house for 4 hours, and charged for 3, because dd came in to me occasionally. Dd just played for hours with her peppa pig figures.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 06/03/2016 07:48

No Littlehooty my comment wasn't meant to single you out but I can see why you thought that, sorry.

I do think that the quality of the parenting or the work will suffer when trying to do both.

I think that given your ds has 6 tantrums a day, doesn't sit down for more than 5 minutes, doesn't watch tv or give you a moments peace means he is well equipped to get his needs met.

I feel sorry for the quiet kids who watch TV for hours, sit quietly and keep out of the way whose parents then crow about how easy it is to get work done with small children underfoot.

Booboostwo · 06/03/2016 08:09

I've never managed it (retired academic trying to do research). When DD was 2yo she didn't even nap during the day and was stuck to me like a limpet. Even now she is 4.5yo sticking her in front of the TV only works so far - she sings, wants to tell me the plot, wants me to watch a good bit with her, etc.

DS is 18mo and I have trouble getting the cooking done. He is a climber, too rough with the dog and cat, and hits his sister.

JizzyStradlin · 06/03/2016 08:09

I don't think people were saying it's impossible to get work done around young children bruffin, doing a lot of it at night as you say you do. The problem comes when you have to do your hours between 9 and 5 as OP friend does, as of course most young children are up for much of this time. You need flexibility to pull this off and it sounds like she doesn't have that.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 06/03/2016 09:08

Why would she want? The poor child will just be stuck in the house being kept quiet day after day

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 06/03/2016 09:11

I did a two hour a day job when DS was 2yrs. It was a bloody nightmare, especially as he dropped his naps just after I'd started. It took me more like 3.5hrs, instead of 2, due to constant interruptions.

People all say how perfect a job like that is, but it really isn't!

bruffin · 06/03/2016 09:47

I was goven the option to wfh as an alternative to childcare. I didnt ask for it, my manager (my male bosses have always been more understanding than my female ones )
It wasnt perfect or easy but it was much better for my dc not to be communting 2 hours a day etc

RoboticSealpup · 06/03/2016 10:09

It's not hard, it's impossible. Or at least or would be for me.

Original poster

bibbitybobbityyhat · 06/03/2016 11:24

Thanks everyone, I surmise from your replies that I mostly anbu.

She will be working for a very small company so I don't imagine they will have a formal wfh policy. I'm pretty sure they are aware of her child caring responsibilities. It just involves a bit of admin and phone work - but has to be 15-20 hours. I'm not going to poke my nose in actually, its none of my business. She's an intelligent woman and presumably knows what she's doing.

OP posts:

Diamogs · 06/03/2016 12:07

They may well be assuming that she has her DC in nursery?

allegretto · 06/03/2016 12:16

I tried it - impossible! She'll be ignoring one or the other. That way madness lies!

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 06/03/2016 12:43

I wfh when my DD is poorly and sent home from nursery (I'm a departmental director) I can get through half a day easily enough with a combination of naps and TV. I ask my Mum to come round for the second half so that I can make phone calls. It's better than taking the day off as holiday.

witsender · 06/03/2016 14:35

At that age, no. Dh works from home a couple of days (own business) with our 5.5 yr old who is home ed...but at her age she can sit and work on a project for a while, entertain herself for quite long periods etc. He reckons he gets 4 hours odd work done between 0830 and 1430 when I get home. Normally works until lunch time and then they stop and head out for a walk, starting work again when I get home and tag in.

motherinferior · 06/03/2016 18:48

The thing that made my blood run coldest when I was first pregnant was the suggestion made by various people that I "work while the baby sleeps" or "work at night". I could see my much-loved and hard-won career vanishing down the tubes. Along with any vestige of a life outside childcare interspersed with bits of work in the small hours....

breezydoesit · 06/03/2016 20:19

I work from home two days a week
And it would be near on impossible to even get my laptop on without a tiny wee hand bashing all the keys

JizzyStradlin · 06/03/2016 20:37

She might get 3 hours a day done between 9 and 5 with just one toddler, if he naps for a couple of hours and she can be flexible about when she does the phone calls. Not fun, and a lot of it will end up being done in ten minute snatches here and there, but I can see how it might be done. School run would be a pain in the shitter though. Even assuming she's home and ready to start work for 9, taking at least half an hour out would be totally interrupting. She may be hoping for the older child to entertain the younger for an hour.

I'd say there are some days where this might be possible with the right toddler, but not day in day out. You'd be fucked if they were teething.

ThisWasCrownjewel · 06/03/2016 20:40

Not hard, OP. Fucking impossible.

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