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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is hard to work at home whilst in sole charge of a toddler?

70 replies

bibbitybobbityyhat · 05/03/2016 15:37

A friend of mine with a two year old is taking on a job where she will work from home (for someone else) during normal office hours, but her son isn't going to nursery or to have any other childcare. She reckons she can do 4 or 5 hours a day like this. I know there are nap times - although he may grow out of them soon - but is she being unrealistic? I haven't said anything. She is a lovely woman and has another son in Reception, I'm surprised she seems to have forgotten how you can't expect a toddler to sit quietly at home for 3 hours a day. Or maybe iabu?

OP posts:
littlehooty · 05/03/2016 22:21

Kondos so I am applying the minimal parenting possible to my ds because I work from home? Your comment pobably wasn't directed at me but that is incredibly harsh.
My ds has 6 tantrums a day, doesn't sit down for more than 5 minutes, doesn't watch tv and I still parent him and wfh. To suggest I or anybody else doesn't is unfair.

Mistigri · 05/03/2016 22:28

Depends on the job and the child surely?

I work from home, mostly computer-based work thet requires concentration plus some teleconferences etc. Couldn't work at all when my eldest was around (DH was a SAHD and we also used a nursery), she was a baby on a mission who never slept. My second was a very calm, concentrated baby who by 12 months could be left playing with Lego for an hour while I worked and who took a 1.5 hour nap in the middle of the day. I'd probably have been able to do 3 hours' work, maybe 4, but not day in, day out.

Mine are teens now and when they're at home in the holidays it can still be a struggle to get a full day's work done (but I can work flexibly fortunately).

Your friend soon change her mind once her child has had a tantrum while she's on the phone to her boss ...

cornishglos · 05/03/2016 23:48

Tbh I could. Wouldn't choose to, but could. My ds is 2 and sleeps 2 hours every day, more if I let him. He can watch a whole feature film too, if I let him. And he can play happily alone for 30mins plus.
BUT I would hate this for him as a regular arrangement. We go out every day and do active stuff and he loves it. And anyway, he has a baby sister, so even though hypothetically it's possible with my toddler, I couldn't and wouldn't.

Vintage45 · 05/03/2016 23:53

It's really stressful and nigh on impossible.

Isn't she open to have a chat about it?

Diamogs · 05/03/2016 23:55

No way can she do this.

An hour here and there during the day and then catching up at night wouldn't be ideal but would be doable, but you say that it needs to be between 9 and 5?

Even with an afternoon nap it would still be impossible for anything other than the odd emergency.

I can manage wfh now but mine are past primary school age.

BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces · 06/03/2016 00:03

As a one off, maybe. Not every day.

Oubliette, 13? That's harsh.

bruffin · 06/03/2016 00:09

Its not impossible, i did accounts with a 2 year old and a newborn for 11 yrs. I did work a lot night or when the baby napped. Ds did go to nursery a 3 days a week when he was 2.

bruffin · 06/03/2016 00:10

Oubluiette
Glad my company was far more understanding than your is.

motherinferior · 06/03/2016 00:20

I have worked freelance since both of my children were four months old. Bringing in a decent wage, working four days - and I mean proper working days - till they went to school.

There is absolutely no way I could have done this without rock-solid childcare. You cannot work IMO - proper work, not just get a bit of work done, eight hours a day work when work and only work is your priority - with a toddler. How on earth could you? Otherwise people would take kids to the office and leave them to play in the corner or suchlike.

motherinferior · 06/03/2016 00:22

I don't want to slot in bits of work during naps or evenings. Men don't work like that. Why should women have to?

Boogers · 06/03/2016 00:32

I find it difficult to focus on the online shop when my two are still up, and they're 12 and 7! It will be impossible for your friend to do actual work with a 2.5 year old running around. Ask her if she's ever been able to do an ironing load or have a poo uninterrupted with a toddler around!

bruffin · 06/03/2016 01:09

Motheronferia
Why shouldnt we. I did proper work, whatever that may be, and my wage paid the mortgage. It got us through the early years until dc went to secondary with minimal childcare costs. Being allowed to work from was the best thing for me , dh and our children.

notquitehuman · 06/03/2016 01:58

I WFH and can barely get anything done while DS is about. I can get a few bits done in an emergency, but couldn't do it day to day. I work when he's at nursery or asleep. Luckily, my job is flexible. I know others aren't so lucky.

But let her do it for now. She'll soon learn.

ICJump · 06/03/2016 02:13

I was studying when DS was that age. It was hard. He ended up with an arm in a sling after I took to soft play to try to finish an essay. Every now and then I get 3 hours to study on the weekend I'm surprised how quickly I get stuff done without distraction.

9-5 with no childcare might be possible but I would find it awful

ohanami · 06/03/2016 06:20

Regardless of how practical it is personally, where I work it's a disciplinary offence to work from home while caring for your children. I've done it in emergencies but for me it isn't ideal and it only takes one thing to go wrong to cause a big problem - dd bit her tongue while I was on a phone conference on my day off and that was the end of that (but in that case it was their issue as I was doing them a favour)

ArmchairTraveller · 06/03/2016 06:21

'I don't want to slot in bits of work during naps or evenings. Men don't work like that. Why should women have to?'

My husband did when he was a SAHP looking after our DD. It was hard, but it kept his work and skills ticking over until she went to nursery, and gacve us more income.
OP, you can't judge for someone else, she may manage it. Or she may find that she's taken on way more than she can handle and has to drop the job or put the child into nursery. Which scenario would you prefer?

meatliqour · 06/03/2016 06:24

You just can't do it

Xmasbaby11 · 06/03/2016 06:29

That's awful and I can't believe she'd think it a good idea! What is her reason for not using childcare?

I'm all for trying to get bits and bobs done with the dc around, but when dd was 2.5 I had to watch her like a hawk, and she didn't nap. I don't think it's good parenting to ignore a child for hours on end, certainly not on a regular basis.

eatingworms · 06/03/2016 06:37

Impossible! I work out of home 3 days a week but am about to start studying 2 days a week. We have put dd (2) in to nursery full time to cover it. A hard decision and expensive, but realistically I'll get through the exams much more quickly this way and it'll pay off in the long term.
I'd have much less time available if I tried to study around her, she'd have less of my attention and it would be frustrating all round.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/03/2016 06:45

I can understand the temptation, but you can't be actively working and actively parenting at the same time (unless you're a childminder). I can see that people might legitimately do it with school aged children to allow for dropping off/picking up or to avoid a long commute.

Gobbolino6 · 06/03/2016 06:52

I couldn't mange it.

MrsMook · 06/03/2016 06:54

My attempts to do some planning and marking have been interrupted this morning by my 2yo also waking early. He's not the worst, but even with CBeebies in the background, he still wants me intermittently giving attention and it's hard to concentrate. My take home work is shoehorned into the ends of the day when I hope that the DCs are asleep, but I'm knackered and less productive too.

Getting childcare and working from home would be viable for the reduction of commute compared to travelling to an office.

DancingPenguin1 · 06/03/2016 06:56

I don't often work from home but did one day this week to catch up. My dd (2) happened to be poorly and we had no other childcare. She slept most of the day and mainly laid on the sofa watching the iPad. Although I did manage to get work done I absolutely wasn't doing the best for her and if she wasn't poorly she would have been much more demanding of my attention. There's no way I'd be able to work from home and care for her, I either be doing my job badly or letting my dd down.

Duckdeamon · 06/03/2016 07:00

A legit employer is unlikely to allow it: it'll be explicitly stated in Ts&Cs.

Allnamesaretakenffs · 06/03/2016 07:02

It was impossible for me to even bloody cook let alone work (I had my online shop to run but have had to give it up as my baby, now toddler, was an absolute fucking nightmare bless him). Until he's in school at 4 years old, there's no way I can start my business back up again, even with him at nursery a few morning a week as there is so much to catch up on when he's gone.