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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's always sick

86 replies

FundraisingPTABitch · 05/03/2016 11:27

On my birthdays, on anniversaries--on Mothers Day...We've been married for the past decade. Together since Uni.

Magically, three days before every event thats supposed to celebrate me somehow he's in bed having the worst illness of his life.

Last week I was sick, it was my birthday and I was working away from home. He was also working away from home in the same country I was in. (we travel tonnes for work).

He came to see me after his assignment was over and picked fights with me whenever I could spare time to spend with him. So if he wasn't in bed pretending to be on his deathbed 'god father style' he would say things that were devastating in their own ways.

Literally he thought he was in some movie so would pick an absurd thing to say ie: "I've decided to quit work and self fund a book."

We can't afford for either of us giving up our jobs. We work for money for a reason. We NEED the MONEY. Money stresses us both out.

So when I looked at him and said "thats not a funny idea, surely you can write your book after we've built up a better financial buffer" he got up and walked off.

The next day I had a few hours off to celebrate my birthday and what did he do? rolled around the floor pretending like he couldn't breathe.

Tomorrow is mothers day--and guess whose still in bed? Every time I go in there he moans, cries a little and does three dramatic gasp-coughs.

I'm just too busy to actually say or do anything, because I really don't have the time to bring it up and deal with his drama. On normal days he's okay.

I love him, the kids love him. I guess I just have to stop expecting him to put me first on birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. I suppose I could stop.

On his birthday-he gets upset if he's disturbed from anything.

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 05/03/2016 17:45

Are previous posters really suggesting that his rolling around on the floor like a toddler having a tantrum is due to eating grains ? I've really heard it all now. What a coincidence that he only eats bread rolls/pittas etc before Mother's Day, anniversaries and the OP's birthday.

If I eat too much bread it makes me a bit bloated. It doesn't make me regress to a child who can't bear anybody else having "their" day, and morphing into a selfish bastard !!

I would not even acknowledge any part he may have in these occasions. Never organise anything with him, just please yourself. As for tomorrow, go out early and come back late. Don't return his calls. If he's that ill he can call the ambulance himself. Personally I don't know how you can stand it. I would certainly be ignoring his birthday and Father's Day.

FundraisingPTABitch · 05/03/2016 17:51

Yes, yes. I have definitely complained about him over the 10 years we've been together. Always on here, and always around a major calendar event.

And now he's bullying me over this thread.

What I love about him: actually, nothing. I've just invested soo much of myself I hope and pray and dream and lie to myself that one day my efforts will be vindicated.

He is a selfish asshole.

Why am I with him? The sex is pretty good if and when it happens and it's always on his terms. I make him a better person. Although he doesn't make me a better person.

He makes me a very angry, evil bitch of a woman. He makes me feel undeserving of life itself...and that I should thank him for the air I breathe.

I'ma buy myself some amazing presents now.

OP posts:
GloGirl · 05/03/2016 17:54

Give yourself the best present of all and leave the bastard.

FundraisingPTABitch · 05/03/2016 18:54

Divorce may be difficult, but perhaps it is time for a separation and good look at financial division of assets.

OP posts:
LizKeen · 05/03/2016 18:57

And now he's bullying me over this thread.

In what way OP?

Palomb · 05/03/2016 19:00

Be strong and leave him. He sounds absolutely pointless.

WellyMummy · 05/03/2016 19:13

Treat yourself, he's not going to. Then on his next special event, treat him the way he treated you on your last one, but make clear that it's sabotage like his?

nicenewdusters · 05/03/2016 20:02

I was going to say sabotage Father's Day then leave him. Actually after your last post I'd just leave him.

If you are reading this thread Mr OP, and bullying your wife because of it, bear in mind that most of us are actually holding back somewhat about what we really think of you, so as not to hurt your wife's feelings. So given the advice so far, imagine the sort of man you really appear to be. You must be so proud of yourself.

IJustLostTheGame · 05/03/2016 20:09

Sex is better when it's on your terms by the way.
He's a tosser.
He's turning you into a bitter, angry bitch.
Chuck him out

BarkGruffalo · 05/03/2016 20:16

LTB. He doesn't respect you by the sound of it and his behaviour is behind unreasonable.

notmyproblem · 05/03/2016 20:18

Get shot of him, pronto. You will be asking yourself in a year's time or less why it took you so long.

Don't throw good time after bad waiting for things to get better. Take it into your own hands and do something about it.

You only get one life, don't waste any more of it with him.

expatinscotland · 05/03/2016 20:21

He's bullying you? I thought he was too ill to breathe much. I've been around the block a few times, even to know, good sex is never a reason to stay because a lot of people are good for it.

Get yourself a lovely belated Mother's Day gift: a solicitor.

pocketsaviour · 05/03/2016 20:27

And now he's bullying me over this thread

Any bets on the next set of symptoms?
3/1 - Sudden chest pains
7/1 - Sudden chest pains to the point of calling an ambulance
8/1 - Migraine which requires silence from the entire household, no breathing please
10/1 - Dramatic looks, silences and veiled threats to "do something... well never mind. It would probably be for the best anyway..."
50/1 - Chops his own toe off with a garden fork

On a more serious note OP, congratulations on seeing your marriage for what it is. "Most [people] would rather deny a hard truth than face it." - Tyrion Lannister

IAmNotAMindReader · 05/03/2016 20:30

Give yourself the best present you could. The rest of your life not shackled to him.
You can't do anything about the time you have invested in him but you can stop any more years being wasted watching him play A&E charades.

Lets face it if the sex is all on his terms the fact that you feel anything during is purely incidental. That doesn't make it great. A vibrator could do a better job and is a lot cheaper.

You deserve better and you can make that change. Get a solicitor and your ducks in a row then begin your life without the dead weight.

Goingtobeawesome · 05/03/2016 20:37

I'm sorry OP. He doesn't even like you never mind love you.

EweAreHere · 05/03/2016 20:37

Life is short. Do you really want to spend it this way?

Babieseverywhere · 05/03/2016 20:43

You have the patience of a saint, he doesn't deserve you.

hugoagogo · 05/03/2016 20:43

Maybe it would be a good idea to get the thread deleted.

TheBakeryQueen · 05/03/2016 21:00

Oh my god just reading your description of him is irritating the crap out of me!

Spandexpants007 · 06/03/2016 12:59

How has it been today op

Abed · 06/03/2016 13:04

Leave him, he's pathetic.

WonkyZonkey · 06/03/2016 13:21

I had an ex just like annandale - got sick every time we were supposed to see MY friends or MY family...

Call him out on it. It's not selfish, he's just making you feel like it is. It's important to you therefore it should be to him. I hope you get a solution. x

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 06/03/2016 14:31

LTB

The best people in our lives are the ones who make us better people, but that should work both ways. If making him a better person is making you a worse one then that's not a healthy situation.

Sex, well a vibrator gives orgasms on your terms and is much less bother than your husband!

Seriously, I know you've invested so much of yourself, but are you really going to keep on doing that for the rest of your life? Or are you going to start investing in what's best for you and move forward?

DoreenLethal · 06/03/2016 14:32

I'ma buy myself some amazing presents now

The best present would be some time with a solicitor.

And don't get hung up on the work you have done so far at this relationship...read this
www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-makes-you-act-stupid.html

LumpySpacedPrincess · 06/03/2016 14:37

If you invested money and it didn't pay off would you continue to pile in more money? No, stop investing more time in this man, he won't change and you're life will improve after you separate.

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