To disagree that going to watch a football match 45 mins away isn't 'having a couple of hours off'

[Doublejeopardy]

It is in fact having a day to yourself?

I don't mind except I have a shitty cold but I want an hour to MN on the bed and then look after the DC for the day this should be uninterrupted peace and quiet ?

That's 4 hours, a slight stretch on couple, but not really, it's certainly not a day to yourself!

It's certainly an entire morning or afternoon. Can you take the other half to yourself?

Will you be relieved of childcare when the football fan has come home?

Because that would be the clincher for me - getting out for 4 hours of unfettered own time is ok generally, but not if it's followed by not stepping back in to family responsibility afterwards.

I have a football fan, he does go to home games and a small handful of aways, but he is straight back on it as soon as he's through the door by his own choice. And I get the time back in many other ways.

I'd say a day actually. Roughly do the maths.

Driving 45 minutes
Parking away from the stadium so have to walk in 20 minutes

Getting seated 10minutes
Preamble 20 minutes
First half 45 minutes
Half time 15 minute
Second half 45 minutes
Getting out of the statium 15 minutes
Walk back to the car 20 minutes
Getting out of the area 25 minutes
Drive home 45 minutes

That's assuming it's a relatively minor team and no drinks after or before. And no additional traffic.

So about 5 and a half hours.

And that's based on my experiences of DCFC Matches so maybe I'm wrong

Kelsoo exactly is a rather large North London Derby if the correct team win it will take a loooooong time to celebrate drive home.

He is leaving at 11am I will time him the match starts at 12.45 so doesn't finish until 2.30pm let alone driving home probably won't see him before 3.45 which to me is nearer a day to yourself than a couple of hours off.

And I get to supervise homework whoop whoop

My partner is going to a match 45 minutes or so away. We're still in bed. So no, of course it's not having the whole day to yourself. Fgs just let him go and enjoy it.

Ranting on here is helping many thanks

Since when does 5 hours constitute a day?

Well obviously that's not a day so YABU but I would certainly expect to not have to do the majority of childcare in the evening once he was home if I were you.

I don't think it helps to exaggerate the time he has to himself though, it will just make you look unreasonable to him as well.

It isnt a day to himself, no, but it is a chunk of a day. Unless its a weekly occurance with you never getting time for yourself then I think you a being a tad dramatic.

I was up at 5.30am with ds, dd up not long after. Dh was up at 8, driving lesson 9-11 and is out with mates 1-6. He has, wonderfully, taken the dcs now out to the play park and for lunch so I can get 11-1 to myself.

Do you ever get time just to yourself?

When did parenting become so transactional?

when we came out of the 1950s and men started doing a share.

It sounds like all day to me too. What's happening tomorrow?

To be honest I think you are moaning about nothing. He'll be back around 4 so no it's not the whole day. Unless it's a regular thing and he never helps out then what's the big deal?

Since women stared realising they're more than just housekeepers Grumpy.

If the correct team wins

Don't worry, Arsenal aren't going to win.... (have my own fan off to the pub in a bit, I'm more likely to lose them for hours as they drown their sorrows)

I don't think it's the entire day - however it is a good portion. The football fan certainly owes you some p+q time though, as in being left in bed for a good couple of hours with at least two cups tea when they get back. Dinner made/ordered as well.

As a couple do you not "let" the other have a day out every now and then? Sounds a bit joyless.

He has a season ticket so it's minimum 20 weekend days a year, he is good but I don't think he has any idea how much more I do.

He thinks we are 50/50 and we so aren't. I work 4 days but he doesn't get in until 7.15 at night so I end up doing most of the cooking.

I know it's not a day but I was asked not to go to my fat club this week for an hour and a half as he hadn't seen me it just grates,p.

Simple ideas to show the imbalances in our lives would be helpful

Uni very few people are 50/50. I would say dh and I are. But we work together do the same hours.

If he works more then he can't do 50/50. But that doesn't mean he isn't doing his fair share.

Him saying its a couple of hours is wrong and you saying its a whole day, is wrong.

If he doesn't want you to go somewhere because he hasn't seen you, you do know you can say 'well I am still going'. If going to fat club is important to you, go. Schedule some time together another time or tell him he can miss something o spend time together.

We do try it's just the days it gets tiresome are when I really want to say you can't go I am ill / tired / fed up are the can't miss games.

I did still go out but I seem to have to get to the point where I do 90% of of the cooking, 100 % picking up kids from childcare (so must not be late) and 90% of laundry and cleaning before I just explode and then he tries but it slips back and I then feel like a nag

Just tell him to pick up a takeaway on his way home for everyone, then he can put the DC to bed while you lie down on the sofa with a drink and a boxset.

I don't really see the issue personally. He does his fair share by working longer hours - he can't physically do more in the evenings if he's at work, can he?

If it were us it would be me going to the match and him staying at home! Assuming you means Spurs v Arsenal it is arguably both teams' biggest match of the season and for that reason alone YABU!

So what can you change.

Can he do breakfast is he isn't there in time for the kids dinner?

I assume he can't do picks up if he finishes that late?

He can do more washing, yes?

He could do

Occasional Washing, ironing, cooking one meal during the week, remember the kids need to read or have homework.

He could remember the days they need sports kits, plan the shopping, wash the cars ?

For info I earn more and my job is equally as stressful as his but because I had too I have been lucky enough to find a decent job where I am based at home rather than the office!

I know it's a big game but the work / life / home balance is definitely off skew ATM.