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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to keep plans as arranged (or a mardy cow)

64 replies

PoppieD · 05/03/2016 07:54

So far- pregnancy has been really hard- hyperemesis which has led to hospital admissions so friends (4 of us in loooong time 20+years) have treated me to spa day-ie
all go, they split my cost.
'Sarah' has always seen herself as queen bee and likes to be in control of things.
So as not to drip feed, she is only single with no kids so this is where I may be being unreasonable as she may not understand others logistics! Other 2 girls both have dc under 4 so planning has gone in to trip as partners work shifts and leave has had to be used which I am really grateful for. Spa is at remote country spa which can't get to on public transport. Plan was Julie picks each of us up around 10- Sarah has now sent group whatsapp about 2am saying 'ended up clubbing yayyy so we'll need to push pick up tomorrow back as I'm going to be rough haha' she doesn't drive so can't get to spa without one of us hanging back to take her. AIBU to say 'sorry plan stays same' or am I being too mardy and its really not a big deal to lose a few hours in the spa? (All in our 30s, not that should make a difference!)

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 08:20

"We'll need to" instead of "please could we" is really cheeky. YANBU

ReginaBlitz · 05/03/2016 08:21

It was selfish of her to fuck off out knowing you had something planned early the next day, fuck her.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 05/03/2016 08:29

SIBU, but you lost me at 'only single' (unless you meant 'the only single one' - but that wasn't what your post said. Phrasing and syntax matter!).

TendonQueen · 05/03/2016 08:33

Strawberry's reply was good. Use that when you see her if she grumbles. Definitely right to stick to arranged time. One person shouldn't get to disturb the whole plan just for a hangover, kids or no kids.

Youarentkiddingme · 05/03/2016 08:35

That would piss me off too. Regardless of pg stuff (sorry you are suffering Flowers) if you are adult enough to arrange a spa day and to out in the evenings yiu are adult enough to know getting rat arsed and being hungover is a choice - not one that should have an effect on others.

Pseudo341 · 05/03/2016 08:36

She's being really rude. People have had to use work leave and change shifts for this day but she couldn't be bothered to keep herself in a suitable state to get up in the morning. Sounds to me like she thinks no one else's time and effort is important and everything should be arranged around her. Definitely pick her up as planned. And report back, I'd like to hear her reaction. What do the other two on the trip think?

Shakey15000 · 05/03/2016 08:39

Of course it's her fault that she got legless. What I meant was it's not her fault she doesn't realise how much juggling and planning is involved for the others. Thought that was clear Confused

And with the best will in the world, nobody really "gets it" until they have kids.

Original poster
PoppieD · 05/03/2016 08:44

Apologies for my syntax error, yes I meant 'the' only single one of group- and this is not in a 'shocking! She's single' but to indicate she often does not have to take other household/involved in life's needs/plans into account.

OP posts:
Original poster
PoppieD · 05/03/2016 08:45

But thank you all for input!

OP posts:
squicketysquack · 05/03/2016 08:47

I don't have kids, and even if I was going with other friends who didn't have kids, I'd still be really pissed off at this! Spa days are a treat, and not cheap, and if I'm going I want to get as much spa time as poss out of it. I wouldn't mind so much if someone asked to push the time back a bit for something unavoidable that had come up, but for someone to have a lie in when they had been out on the razzle knowing full well we had plans for the next day. Not a chance!

Paintedhandprints · 05/03/2016 08:52

10am pick up is a lie in. Lazy girl. Just go without. She will probably ruin the atmosphere by lolling about, moaning about her hangover all day.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/03/2016 08:53

Text back suck it up buttercup and see her at 10, 10.30 if you are feeling kind.

Stupid and thoughtless of her to go out and get hammered if she knew you had a spa day planned.

64zoolane · 05/03/2016 09:01

You are right to stick to plans. Please keep us posted. Instinct and experience tell me she will miss your text as she will be conveniently asleep/passed out, and will keep you waiting when you turn up. I would put her on repeat dial from half an hour before pick up time until she answers, to make sure she's ready on time.

eddielizzard · 05/03/2016 09:04

tough shit. she didn't consider you last night, why should you consider her this morning?

def just go.

Original poster
PoppieD · 05/03/2016 09:05

Update- well pick up is going ahead as planned at 10, did get response of 'God didn't leave club till 3, feel awful' but have not responded to that other than a 'great see you then, looking forward to this!' Which for me will mostly be wallowing by pool as no sauna/jacuzzi but still will greatly enjoy the pamper!

OP posts:
2016namechangecomingalong · 05/03/2016 09:05

Did she reply to your message?

2016namechangecomingalong · 05/03/2016 09:06

Crossed!

purplepandas · 05/03/2016 09:23

Enjoy! Well done on sticking to your guns, this was a cheeky request!

mouldycheesefan · 05/03/2016 09:24

Well done. She can recover at the spa. She knew pick up was at ten her choice to go clubbing till 3 am totally not in to suggest leaving later but presumably she was either drunk or totally hung over when she sent the message so can be forgiven!

TheMaddHugger · 05/03/2016 09:25

((((((((Happy Hugs)))))))))))) Enjoy your pamper

JumblyWumbly · 05/03/2016 09:26

I guarantee when you go to pick her up at 10 that she'll keep you waiting for ages just to make sure that it all comes back to being on her terms.

There is a woman just like her in my social circle who pulls this kind of stunt all the time. I've found that no matter how much we all stick to the original plan she will find some way to scupper it and turn it round to being on her terms.

64zoolane · 05/03/2016 09:27

Enjoy! Come back if she sulks, keeps you waiting, or otherwise gives you any grief on a day especially designed for YOU.

Pseudo341 · 05/03/2016 09:27

Good for you! Enjoy you're day.

Kbear · 05/03/2016 09:29

I'd ring her before you leave to make sure she is up and ready. If she isn't say "ok, meet you there...."

fuck keeping people waiting, that's just rude

LastOneDancing · 05/03/2016 09:34

I was going to play devils advocate and say she was probably pissed at tge time of sending the text and in the cold light of day will know she's being unreasonable to ask. She hasn't repeated the request so maybe that's the case.

Glad you got it sorted OP - enjoy!