To ask you which of these jobs you would take?

[NE14T]

I've been offered 2 jobs this week and I can't for life of me decide which one to accept, to the point where I'm not sleeping for worrying about it.

Job 1- is a promotional role of my current job. It's part time x3 days per week and long hours so I need to rely on ex DH to care for girls before and after school/ take them to nursery etc. if I'm working 2 days in a row I don't even see them from the evening before I start work till the morning after I finish. It's a very stressful, 'marmite' job and has its good/ bad days, but on the whole, I love it and I'm good at it/ well respected in it. There's a decent pathway for progression and it's an excellent career in that I can go almost anywhere in my field having worked in that area. But, it's not at all flexible with hours/ days and it's stressful not seeing my children for days, I haven't had a full weekend off since I was last on AL etc.

Job 2- is in the same field but a different area so I'd sort of be starting from the bottom again. It's the same pay band I'm on now with not as much room for progression. It's a 'nice' long term job that's perfect for long term/ near retirement (I'm 33!) but in all honesty I'm worried I'd be bored doing it coming from my very busy job ATM. BUT, it's part time school hours 9-3, 5 days a week, no evenings/ weekends and term time only! I wouldn't have to rely on ex DH for anything, I would see the girls after school and every weekend and have every school holiday off with them!

Because it's part time and term time only, I'd be essentially taking a pay cut of around £2-300 compared to what I'm earning right now. I can manage with that but long term I want to earn more, especially now I've split from DH I have in my head that I want to provide for my children well and not rely on anyone ever again. It would be easy to move from job 1 to job 2 in the future but not with term time only hours (these are like hens teeth!) and they would have me back at my original job instantly if I decided I didn't like job 2, but I'd have missed the opportunity for progression and promotion (and would look quite flaky!).

So, MNers... What do you think??!

I'm off for one of my long, stressful shifts now but will check in and reply at lunch or tonight if I really can't then, to reply.

That's a pay cut of £200-300/ month btw!

Second, no question.

Does ex take the girls regularly for contact? If so could you top up with overtime?

How old are your dc? I think that would decide it for me, ie would you only need term time for a few years or are they very early school stages?

How old are your children? I think that is important (or would be for me). Mine are 3 and 4 and I love term time hours. I have recently taken a secondment which has lead to three, long stressful days. My old employer had said that I could have school hours ( not term time though). This new job is really stressful and I am finding it creeping into my non working days. They are pushing me on the hours too, eg 9am meetings miles away.

That said, I can still do pick ups on two days and I have two 'jobs' days so we can have nice weekends with lots of quality time.

I quite resent it and wish I had stuck out my old job with the school hours and made this move when my kids were a bit older and they were a little bit more independent (or both at school).

Would the money you loose be saved in childcare cost or does your ex do it all? I guess it also depends on what your relationship is like with him, do you mind asking him?

I really wanted to do this new job as a personal development/improve my cv type thing so sounds similar.

Good luck, to be honest I think you are on a winner either way.

It sounds like you want the second job.

Thanks for the replies!

Children are 4 and 7, term time only would cost me a lot in nursery for this term (and littley would need to start full time nursery) but only till summer, then it'd just be an hour of wraparound care each side once they're at school.

Relationship with ex is amicable, there was no abuse, but I don't like relying on him! And he can be 'funny' about having them at weekends occasionally but I have no choice in my job.

To add also, I realise I've made job 2 sound a bit rubbish! It's not (I hope!) just much slower paced and possibly a bit dull compared to my job now. But it's the sort of job I'd like in, say, a decade or so anyway.

I'd take the first job and hire/ beg for help. Long term it sounds like it will give you what you are looking for.

Sorry, no reply to penny, yes I coukd work on a locum basis at my old job during school holidays to 'keep my foot in' and top up earnings.

Interesting, I'd have said first, no question!

I'd take Job 1. You are still really young, and assuming you dont have any other DC (say, if you met someone else) your children will be in secondary / pretty independent when you're 40 and you'll be in a really good position career wise.

Id take job number 1 as long term it's the better option , even though a struggle now it has better prospects

Job 2. My DC are also 4 and 7. I've not applied for promotions in the last few years because the job I have now offers me flexibility which a higher grade wouldn't. DH works away at short notice and is not 100% reliable for pick up/drop off.

Do you have to change job? What 's driving you to leave the one you've got?

I'd take the first, and if it's not working out with your ex doing childcare (if he starts messing you about) could you get an au pair? They could do the school runs those three days, and you would have four relaxed days with the DC each week.

Or, could you formalise that 50/50 care with your Ex, so he had them the three days, and you the rest, perhaps alternating one weekend day each fortnight to make it even, and give them weekend days with each of you?

Your DC won't be little forever, and you will be working a long time. Option 2 sounds like a real dead end.

I go with the first. Sounds like a good opportunity and children get more expensive as they get older, so career progression will be a good thing.

I'd take the 2nd job no question.

Job 2. I had a career before family, now it's family first. DC are fairly independent teenagers now, but I'm still in a job like job 2 for a least 2 more years.

Job 2. It's not like you'd be signing up for life and it sounds like this one would fit your current circumstances.

There's always time to get new jobs/promotions once your Dc have grown up.

Job 1. Sounds more interesting, and better career prospects. You would still be there for your kids 4 days per week, and you will have 2 days while they are at school to get other things done, and have a bit of free time to yourself.

I would actually hate to work school hours - trying to be all things to all people - clock watching and rushing off from work every day in time to pick up and having no time at all to yourself! Would much rather work three full days - much more balanced IMO.

To me it is a no brainer. Job 2 while your children are still so young. You may be slightly bored but you will be a relaxed mum who can spend quality time every day with your children.

I rather think it depends if you are career driven or family driven (both are fine, you just have to be honest about which one you are)

Job 2 for me. Would not want to rely on someone else for it to work. Would look for other ways to supplement it for a challenge.

it's the sort of job I'd like in, say, a decade or so anyway.

It also sounds like the sort of job that will be lovely while your kids are around, so why would you want to do the one that makes you miserable now (when you don't see them for days) then do that when they're grown-up and independent? I work term time only - the holidays are so precious.

Job 2. Doesn't have to be forever!

Could you pick up locum shifts sometimes when your kids are with their dad at weekends, to top up your income?

Job 1. Nothing worse than being bored at work.

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