Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you which of these jobs you would take?

51 replies

NE14T · 05/03/2016 06:20

I've been offered 2 jobs this week and I can't for life of me decide which one to accept, to the point where I'm not sleeping for worrying about it.

Job 1- is a promotional role of my current job. It's part time x3 days per week and long hours so I need to rely on ex DH to care for girls before and after school/ take them to nursery etc. if I'm working 2 days in a row I don't even see them from the evening before I start work till the morning after I finish. It's a very stressful, 'marmite' job and has its good/ bad days, but on the whole, I love it and I'm good at it/ well respected in it. There's a decent pathway for progression and it's an excellent career in that I can go almost anywhere in my field having worked in that area. But, it's not at all flexible with hours/ days and it's stressful not seeing my children for days, I haven't had a full weekend off since I was last on AL etc.

Job 2- is in the same field but a different area so I'd sort of be starting from the bottom again. It's the same pay band I'm on now with not as much room for progression. It's a 'nice' long term job that's perfect for long term/ near retirement (I'm 33!) but in all honesty I'm worried I'd be bored doing it coming from my very busy job ATM. BUT, it's part time school hours 9-3, 5 days a week, no evenings/ weekends and term time only! I wouldn't have to rely on ex DH for anything, I would see the girls after school and every weekend and have every school holiday off with them!

Because it's part time and term time only, I'd be essentially taking a pay cut of around £2-300 compared to what I'm earning right now. I can manage with that but long term I want to earn more, especially now I've split from DH I have in my head that I want to provide for my children well and not rely on anyone ever again. It would be easy to move from job 1 to job 2 in the future but not with term time only hours (these are like hens teeth!) and they would have me back at my original job instantly if I decided I didn't like job 2, but I'd have missed the opportunity for progression and promotion (and would look quite flaky!).

So, MNers... What do you think??!

I'm off for one of my long, stressful shifts now Grin but will check in and reply at lunch or tonight if I really can't then, to reply.

OP posts:
Choughed · 05/03/2016 11:07

Job 1. Without a doubt. But I've just read 'Lean In' by Sheryl Sandburg am am inspired to progress my own career. (Highly, highly recommend the book btw).

What do you think a man would do?

It's a part time job, you have four out of seven days to spend with your children who will get more and more independent each year.

verite · 05/03/2016 11:44

Job 1. No contest. You are still only working 3 days a week. I know working on weekends is a pain but i could not go from a job i enjoy to a job that bores me. But then I will happily admit I am pretty career driven.

TheSnowFairy · 05/03/2016 11:55

Job 2 for now, term time and school hours working will make life so much easier for you.

But this is not a 'til retirement' deal - just while your DC's are in school.

Choughed · 05/03/2016 14:08

OP's children will be in school for another 14 years - that's a long time to put your career on hold...

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 05/03/2016 15:19

for children and peace of mind I would take job 2 but keep my hand in at job 1 doing locum, making it clear to them that the only reason the job was turned down was because of personal situation that will change in future as kids grow up. I would then work my socks off to get as good as I could be, take any CPD opportunities, get good feedback and as soon as the Dc were able to be more self sufficient I would look for something more challenging with more hours and progression. I worked term time only when mine were young and moved on and up when they were teens, no regrets as I was always there for them when needed and never had the headache of holiday care. I earn twice as much now in my full time role which is helpful as they are now both at Uni. It is a stressful job with a lot of responsibility and I doubt I could have done it very well with younger kids and the guilt of not being there after school and during holidays combined with the hassles of childcare.

HermioneJeanGranger · 05/03/2016 15:29

Job 2.

But it doesn't matter what everyone else would do. It's your life and only you know what would make you happy.

theycallmemellojello · 05/03/2016 15:30

I'd take the first one if you can make it work with childcare - better to have something challenging and well paid for the long term, no point painting yourself into a corner for the sake of being able to do school pickup for a handful of years.

TheSnowFairy · 05/03/2016 18:01

choughed but they won't need that level of childcare for 14 years.

decisionsdecisions123 · 05/03/2016 18:07

I would be as undecided as you but just to say, when they get older don't assume they will be more independent and need you less. Homework will increase quickly, exams at secondary school, more evening sessions for you to attend at secondary school. I might be tempted to go for job 2 if you can afford if but I completely get your quandary.

ByTheWishingWell · 05/03/2016 18:16

I would go for job 2. Because at the moment I'm in a very stressful job, often working late, and worrying about work when I'm not there. I miss having lots of relaxed time with DD.

I agree with what StepAway said about keeping your hand in at your current job if possible though.

PennyHasNoSurname · 05/03/2016 18:31

2 for me because

  1. dh works term time only so we would get heaps of family time
  2. having to arrange ad hoc childcare for the kids is a logistical nightmare
  3. if you then go for paid for childcare it will cost you waaaay more than the loss of income with job 2
Duckdeamon · 05/03/2016 18:36

Job 1, and would organise good childcare. After some time in the role the employer might agree to some flexibility.

lynniep · 05/03/2016 18:42

Job 2. This is from someone who chose job 2 (ok, not exactly, but I had pretty much the same dilemma at 36) 5 years down the line, bored as hell at work still BUT my kids are now 9 and 6 and its been so great with respect to having time with them. No stress involved. No issues taking time off for assemblies and wotnot. I don't earn as much as I could full time but I'd rather have that time with them.

MrsRolly · 05/03/2016 18:45

Job 2 for me, I work FT at the moment and as DD has got older clubs,homework,musical instruments etc have relied on the flexibility of my job more and more. I am career driven and also I think good at my job but I couldn't work anywhere with no flex and would work at what may be considered a lower grade than what I currently am if I lost my flexibility! Also I once had a no stress fairly well paid job and some weeks wonder what the hell I'm doing Wink (left the old job for current promotions)
Good Luck with whatever you decide, a nice position to be in.

PennyHasNoSurname · 05/03/2016 18:47

Its always awkward when they get to say 11/13 and are too old for formal childcare but too young to be left 8-6 five days a week. They really need you at that age.

MatildaTheCat · 05/03/2016 19:01

Job 1 but only if your ex really will have the DC without a lot of fuss and uncertainty. If you do one weekend day that leaves you at least 3 days in the week fully free to make sure the house etc is done and should keep the work days doable.

I would have done job 2 in your position but you sound ambitious and good for you. The DC will be fine if the planning is well done and in a few years you will be really pleased you did it.

Janeymoo50 · 05/03/2016 19:04

Job 1, warts and all.

Chorltonswheelies422 · 05/03/2016 19:06

Job 1

notagiraffe · 05/03/2016 21:35

I'd go for job 2 because you never get back the years when your DC are small. You'll be more relaxed, have a stronger relationship with them, less reliant on your ex to be around (what if his circumstances changed?) But I'd maybe look to do cover work at job 1 during the holidays when they are with their dad, if that's possible. By the time they've left school you'll still be young enough to develop your career.

But if your heart is set on job1 then as another poster said, you could always get an au pair to ensure the children have round the clock care. Well done on being offered two jobs. Hard enough to get an interview these days.

OneTruffleTooMany · 05/03/2016 22:58

I was initially undecided, then I read your comment along the lines of with term time, you'd "only need an hour of wrap around at each end".

If I've understood this correctly then it means you won't be able to do drop-offs, pick-ups yourself anyway etc Plus will also be paying out for 5 days of either childminder or before/afterschool club for two children - which could be a significant hit on your already reduced take-home pay (OR you'll still be reliant on their dad to pick up etc some days). Not sure how it works with term-time jobs, will you be able to take time off to attend daytime events at school etc?

With job 1, it sounds like one of the 3 days is usually at the weekend so you'd still be able to do most school runs/afterschool time & would have better than 50% chance of any school events being on one of your non-working days. I'm guessing your DC would usually see their dad at some point over the weekend/during the holidays anyway? Do you have any choice about which 3 days you work? - I'm wondering if you could effectively work 6 days in a row (while they are with their dad), then 8 days off during parts of the holidays?

If I understood correctly, and unless your ExDH is going to be difficult, I would go with job 1.

FWIW I moved from 3 long weekdays to 4 shorter ones in the same job when my DD started school, I thought shorter days would be great but 3 longer days worked better for me.

Good luck eitherway!

SoThatHappened · 05/03/2016 23:13

Job 1.

Especially if you have been there a while.

You have very little employment rights in a job for the first 2 years.

Xmasbaby11 · 05/03/2016 23:18

Job 1. It's only 3 days a week so you'd still see a lot of your dc. It just sounds like a better job. Personally I wouldn't want a termtime, school hours only job considering how much money you lose. I'd rather do 3 long days. There should be wraparound childcare for when your ex can't help.

Fatmomma99 · 05/03/2016 23:20

For me it's a no brainer. Whilst I understand the arguments of the 'job 1' brigade, what I would say to you is that you will NEVER get this time wtih your children back. It's not something you can bank. If you say "I'll be busy NOW, but spend time with you in 5 years time" by then it'll be too late - they'll be off and out, and you'll have lost all that special, precious bonding time.

FWIW, I had a 'job 1' type job (because it was the job I had before I got pregnant). I did it until my DD was 7. she used to say "are you thinking about work?" when she was trying to talk to me and I was distracted.

When she was 7 I moved to a more 'job 2' type job.

Our relationship is so, so, so much better and stronger now.

I don't regret it for a single second.

Time is worth so, so much more than money! (in my view. But do what's right for you!)

MrsAmaretto · 05/03/2016 23:20

Job 2.

Monkey533 · 05/03/2016 23:31

Is wraparound care of just one hour possible near you? I'm in London and the school has a breakfast club but anything after school you'd pay for 3 hours even if you only needed 1. just want to make sure financially your planning works x

Swipe left for the next trending thread