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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if age gap friendships can work?

66 replies

Borrislovesgordon · 03/03/2016 20:44

I had DC in my early 20's and they have recently joined a lovely village school.

I'm at least ten years (if not more) younger than the other mums. Most of them are really lovely and I get on with quite a few really well but I'm not sure if a friendship will happen due to the age/class gap.

I have great friends my own age but none of them have children and would love to have a few mums to go to soft play and the park with.

Not sure how to approach this as I don't want to come off as desperate or force a friendship. Just wondering if others have found stuff in common with a significant age gap, yet become friends?

OP posts:

MillionToOneChances · 04/03/2016 00:13

The two extremely laid back mothers I know are both on the older side and one looks incredibly strict until you see her twinkle. Don't judge a book by its cover.

ohtheholidays · 04/03/2016 01:27

I'm 40 and I have friends aged from 16 to in they're 70's.

Lots of my friends have children but not all of my friends do.My BF for nearly 38 years doesn't have any children and I have 5DC.

Age gaps in my friendships have never bothered me and they've never been an issue.

figureofspeech · 04/03/2016 04:43

I'm 40 & I have two very close friends who are 68 & 75 respectively. Don't overthink things, some people get on better than others.

Just be casual about it and send out group invitations to activities to see who turns up. I do this with my dc friends parents vi Facebook, I just post 'we are going to park/cafes etc would be great if you can make it'.
I've made a few friends this way & as a few of us go together it's not awkward if you don't have much in common with one person. Different people turn up for different events at different times etc it's all fun.

tkndnv · 04/03/2016 05:03

I am good friends with a group of women. We met through s hobby which we do most weekends and we also go on holiday together abroad every year.

The youngest is 25 the oldest is 50. I'm in the middle at 34. We all get on really well and the age thing is totally unnoticeable.

Friendlystories · 04/03/2016 05:11

I'm 41 and my two best friends are early twenties and early sixties respectively. I had my DD at 34 and had a career, got married etc first, younger friend had first DC at 19 and never had a job to speak of. I love her to bits and totally respect her and her choices, her DP works really hard and I'm actually a bit in awe of her, she handles two young kids like a pro, her house is immaculate and she's fantastic at budgeting their money, they manage more holidays and luxuries than we do purely because she sets herself a goal and saves like mad til she gets it. We have the kids in common which initially drew us together but it's led to a much deeper friendship, I honestly don't think age has any bearing on who we click with.

McPheeNicks · 04/03/2016 05:13

My two closest friends are 14 and 24 years older than me. We have very different life experiences and life situations, but plenty of things in common, and just generally really enjoy each others' company.

HotNatured · 04/03/2016 12:42

I'm 41, one of my best friends is 30. We get on like a house on fire. Age is no barrier to friendship.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/03/2016 12:44

I'm 48, most of my friends are in their 70s.

liquidrevolution · 04/03/2016 12:52

I quit work and went to uni when I was 30. All my close friends are at least 10 years younger than me. It's not a bother.

CreamofTartar · 04/03/2016 13:23

I'm 43 and one of my closest friends is 68, not quite two years younger than my mother.

Honestly, I think in terms of school, the 'barriers' (if you want to call them that) are more likely to be between working and SAH parents. Even if I thought you were the coolest person I'd met in years, and our children got on, I'm at work on weekdays.

Also, that's a completely unfounded stereotype of older parents. I had my son in my 40s, not because I didn't have a partner or struggled with infertility - I simply didn't want a child before that, and conceived the first month we tried. I'd be pretty pissed off to think some new school gate acquaintance was looking for signs of age-related uptightness, so maybe lay off the 'tragic older mother who's waited aeons for the Messiah child' stuff.

TrueBlu · 04/03/2016 13:36

Most of my best friends since I was a late teen have been around 10 years older than me.

I don't think people change all that much once they get past 25, just start to look older!

ElizabethLemon · 04/03/2016 13:43

I had my 1st DC aged 21 and he started reception this year.

The only mum I've really made good friends with is 15 years older than me. We get on great and often meet up out of school time for drinks, food etc.. Our husbands get on too.

I understand where you're coming from op, I had similar worries about other parents being judgemental etc. but have not found that to be the case. Honestly I don't think the other parents even realise I am a younger mum.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 04/03/2016 13:46

Good God. I'm 42 and I've got good friends in their 70s and 80s. And I do mean friends, not just acquaintances. For example, one pair in their 70s recently had their 50th wedding anniversary. I was invited and was the only person there without grey or dyed hair!

I had friends in their 60s and 70s when I was in my teens.

I'm absolutely astonished people would think it unusual to have older friends.

Enkopkaffetak · 04/03/2016 13:51

I am 46 my friends range from 34 to 60. I have recently got involved with a choir and am making friend with several retired ladies two I can see myself making good friends with are both in their late 6oth.

I think it is only in school we are forced into this idea that our friends should be the same age as us

TruJay · 04/03/2016 15:14

One of my closest/truest friendships is with someone I met when we both had our first child. She's 14 years older than me. She is the only person that helped me through my miscarriage, for that I will forever be thankful to her.
We get on great, I designed/organised her wedding reception, we've done lots together, it's a friendship I really value

Hygellig · 04/03/2016 16:27

A good friend of mine at university was a mature student and 10 years older than me. My mum has good friends about 10 years younger than her; I don't think it's a massive age gap when you're an adult. (She had me at 29 which at that time, and in that area, was quite old!) Having similarly aged children can bring people together and gives you something in common. I have a 'mum' friend who is five years younger than me (I hope she doesn't think I'm too ancient to be friends with).

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