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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding a card

26 replies

glueandstick · 02/03/2016 09:25

Since discovering MN it really has become a moral compass. This has been on my mind for weeks now and only because I've been awake since 2am I thought I'd ask a wider audience.

I'm have DC1 someday soon. I get that people are excited and I'm pleased for them. However, BIL has already bought, written and given us a card congratulating us on the birth. This was weeks ago.

It made me feel really uneasy a) because they aren't here safely yet b) they don't know what we've named it, what it looks like or anything and c) it feels very hollow to make platitudes like that.

Am I being unreasonable to feel like that? (I have actually refused to bring it home. It has been a very anxious time and it has made me feel really uneasy which is completely stupid, but I'm blaming hormones). I haven't said anything, just sat stewing on it.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 02/03/2016 09:27

That's so weird! Never heard of anyone doing that before. I wouldn't bring it home either, it just doesn't seem right.

plantsitter · 02/03/2016 09:32

It is weird, and I don't blame you for not bringing it home, but I think he's just excited and trying to let you know he is! Shame they don't do 'good luck during labour' cards really (actually it isn't a shame as that would be the most irritating/terrifying card to receive ever!).

Waiting for your first child to be born is the strangest time of your life, I think. Other people's behaviour towards you is part of that.

littlejolee · 02/03/2016 09:32

No not unreasonable at all. What a strange thing to do. Agree about it seeming very hollow too. Good luck with the birth, hoping you and baby both come out safe and well x

Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 09:33

We appear to be in a power struggle currently. The baby and I that is. I want it out, it doesn't want to come out.

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00100001 · 02/03/2016 09:38

"they don't know what we've named it, what it looks like or anything "

Why would what the baby looks like affect the card? Confused

HeartShapedBox · 02/03/2016 09:38

No, that's really weird of him.

What did he say say when he handed it over? What on earth did you say?

Good luck with labour, and hope it's soon!

Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 09:41

It was poorly worded. The difference between:

Congratulations on the birth of your child. We hope you are all very happy.

Compared to

Congratulations on the birth of Jane/Fred. Or Welcome to Jane/Fred.

It just seems very impersonal and Hallmark ready written.

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Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 09:42

It was a 'there is a card there. Aren't I organised' to which I have a puzzled look and requested that we re visit it when there is a baby.

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FigMango1 · 02/03/2016 09:46

Ok it does seem word but really does this matter. I get that you are anxious but it's not something worth stewing weeks over. Who knows, maybe he just wanted to get it done in case he forgot or won't be seeing you soon after baby is here. Just appreciate the gesture and don't look more into it.

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2016 09:48

Why would what the baby looks like affect the card?

Inasmuch as you are then welcoming the actual person now, not the potential person I think.

Very weird thing to do. I buy cards ready but I certainly wouldn't give them before the arrival.

Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 09:50

At 2am it seems very important ;) especially when you see a lot of 2ams.

I don't usually sit on things but hormones are strange creatures. I'm looking forward to those buggering off.

He lives 10mins from us if it makes any difference....(and he's annoyed me doing something unrelated so it has just been added to ze list. Have I mentioned being hormonal?)

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Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 09:51

Nanny0gg- you've said what I couldn't work out how to say. Thank you!

I buy cards before but wouldn't send them until the time is right. It's like sending a birthday card 3 months early.

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Scholes34 · 02/03/2016 09:53

I want it out, it doesn't want to come out. Don't read The Tin Drum, by Gunther Grass.

It's not on, writing the card out early. Yes, he can be organised and buy it early (does you already know the sex?), but not write it out.

I also think it's not on to want to know the sex before it's born, but that's a whole other thread.

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/03/2016 09:57

That is weird.

Are you overdue? My youngest was 13 days late, I think he just got comfy in there!

Whathaveilost · 02/03/2016 09:59

A bit weird but I wouldn't have given it a second thought though.
Nothing to feel uneasy about.

Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 10:04

Overdue? I've almost had enough time to grow another one Hmm fed up doesn't come close now. Nothing is happening and I feel it'll never end.

We do know the sex (gender... What ever is MN acceptable. I forget) as I was having a rough time with the pregnancy and it was suggested it would help form a bond. It has helped quite a bit but it was near impossible to keep it quiet.

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RockUnit · 02/03/2016 10:06

YANBU. Cards and presents are for after the baby arrives, surely? I don't understand the rush and have the same reaction to baby showers.

plantsitter · 02/03/2016 10:08

Aw, poor you, it's miserable. Can you get a last minute massage or something? Relaxing is good. The baby'll be here soon. Turn your phone off so you don't accidentally kill anyone who asks if it's here yet.

Notimefortossers · 02/03/2016 10:10

YABU to be soooooooo upset about it. If it were me I'd probably think 'What a weird thing to do!' and then not give it much more thought

Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 10:10

The killing people is normal? Oh good. I thought it was just me. Phone is on airplane mode and I'm going back to bed with a cuppa. A 5 mile walk didn't start anything so I'm going to the other end and doing nothing.

I'll also stop getting frustrated by stuff that doesn't actually matter. ;)

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plantsitter · 02/03/2016 10:15

Yes, completely normal. Enjoy your cuppa. X

blindsider · 02/03/2016 10:18

Yup that is bizarre , I cannot think of a single good reason for giving someone a card congratulating them on the birth of their child before the thing has arrived Confused

titchy · 02/03/2016 10:24

Perhaps you should send him a Christmas card?

MissBeaHaving · 02/03/2016 11:27

Haha Excellent idea titchyGrin
Maybe a Christmas card would make him realise how ridiculous he's been op!

Original poster
glueandstick · 02/03/2016 20:03

Perhaps I should include his new wife on the card. Not that he has one.

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