To not let my mum live in my flat?

[BaBaBaBoom]

Long history with my mum that I have posted about recently - but basically she lives in France and wants to come back to UK to live permanently.

She is leaving her husband, and already did a bit of a midnight flit 6 weeks ago - all pre planned, he is a total shit (more about that later). The flit was planned months in advance and I knew from the beginning about it.

Now, I have a flat that I used to live in but now rent out to a tenant. My tenant is good, pays on time, keeps the house in perfect order etc, is a dream tenant (which I know from experience can be hard to find). However in order to help my mum out (who would be returning with a dog & jobless, so would find it hard to find a rental) I said she could move into my flat.

I gave my tenant 3 months notice and was honest about my mum's plans, he understood and looked elsewhere.

Mum returned a month before tenant was due to move out. DH, DD and I took her for a meal the first night she was back and I overheard her tell my DH she didn't want to move in to my flat anymore.

The next day I confronted her and she said she didn't know wether she should move in to my flat or not - said it was very small and she wanted to return to France to sell her house. I asked her to let me know within the next day (as I'd have the pain of finding a new tenant). The next day she text me to say she wasn't going to be moving in.

I phoned my tenant straight away, apologised and said before I put it on the rental market, would he like to stay? He'd just heard his next house had flooded so it was perfect timing for him, and he agreed to stay put.

5 minutes later, mum called and said she'd changed her mind, she'd have the flat afterall. I said sorry, I've just told my tenant he can stay, and I'm not calling him back to reneg. She actually bollocked me for asking him too soon after her text

She went back to France, back to twat husband, where she is apparently saving more money and selling the house to get money that way too.

That was 6 weeks ago, and in that 6 week period she's been looking online at houses that allow pets and I've been going round viewing them for her. Because she doesn't have a job she'd need to pay 6 months upfront (which she can afford with what she's saved, but she doesn't really want to). Some places want a double deposit because she has a dog.

Spoke to her today and she's stressed about the house hunting. She asked me if I would give my tenant notice again so she can move into my flat round about May. She said her biggest mistake was "having a wobble" about moving in. I said that I can't do that to him after messing him about already and she said "not even for your desperate mum so I don't have to pay 6 months upfront?".

AIBU to have said no? She's in a mood with me again. I know it's my mum but she chose not to move in after saying she would so she only has herself to blame.

So, back to her husband - so as not to drip feed I thought the easiest way to show what a twat he is is to link to my recent thread about him (trigger warning: sexual abuse) - it's not necessarily relevant to the situation (so don't feel obliged to read it!) but I didn't want to drip feed in any way. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a2573950-Would-you-stay-with-your-partner-if-he-was-a-bit-letchy-to-your-teenage-DD

I am in awe of you op. You are so dignified in light of what happened to you. How you can be so generous and loving towards your selfish and heartless mother I do not know.

Do NOT let her become your tenant. Please put yourself and your dd first before doing any more charitable and kind things for her.

After having read the post about your stepdad, I am shocked you still talk to your mother. A mother's job is to protect her child and it doesn't seem like she did much of that whether when you were a child or as an adult. She seems to be quite selfish and only do things if there's something in it for herself. How could she have stayed with him even back then when she saw him grabbing you? Or after you told her?

You are not being unreasonable. Frankly you are too nice.

YANBU. I'd be letting the tenant know how much I appreciate him, and his flexiblity and understanding.

Help your mother with housing costs, or something, if you feel compelled but don't botch up the status of or income from your rental apartment.

Do not give it another thought.

Well she has finally learned the meaning of the saying "Dont bite the hand that feeds you".

YANBU. She had a chance, mucked you about and tbh if you gave your tenant notice would probably muck you about again and your tenant wont stick around for it to happen again.

Stick to your guns.

OP
I am an accidental landlord: good long term tenants are hard to find and when you get one you do your best to keep hold of them. Your tenant sounds great. Please please please keep hold of him.

I also posted on your other thread: I really do think your Mum let you down in the worst way possible. You owe her nothing and I would be having less not more contact with her, irrespective of her move. She has not apologised, is in denial, colluded with/made excuses for a paedophile, and you are still trying to get her approval/you are still being the loyal daughter?!!! She should be begging you for forgiveness quite frankly and nor would I be letting her have contact with my kids with her absolute lack of judgement/accountability.

Don't forget that if she does move near you it could mean sd visiting often.

Knowing your mum all will be forgiven and he'll be back living with her and then trying to forge a relationship with your dd.

Do NOT help her to look for a place near you. Do NOT provide a deposit.

Call the police and get your statement written down. Put all your efforts into securing a peaceful and stable future for you and your dd, so the police statement and counselling should help you get closure.

You deserve the best. Your mum only knows how to hurt you. Keep your distance.

Another one saying that good tenants are hard to find and should be cherished.

You gave her the option of your flat, and she turned her down. Hang onto your good tenant.

I read your last thread.

No, no, and no. Keep your tenant, live your life and let your mother sort herself out.

And don't feel bad.

Don't feel bad, you are absolutely in the right to keep your tenant. Your mother messed you about, she had her chance. Frankly, I don't know whether I could even be in contact with a woman who is an apologist for a child abuser.

I would be frank and say a complete no.

Please cut that person who gave birth to you out of your life? She's not fit to be called anything remotely resembling the word mother.

And yes, call the police, when she's there. She allowed it. A decent human being would have killed him called the police themselves.

Ah, OP i read your last thread I'm so sorry.
I wouldn't have anything to do with her after her behaviour and think you're a saint for even offering.
She sounds incredibly selfish to me (both on this thread and the other thread and separately).

I feel for private tenants in this country, was one for most of my adult life and it's tough moving every six months or so, even with the feedback of having been a model tenant - doesn't take the sting out of the moving, storage and agency fees.

Your tenant has been better to you than your mother. And, you gave her the opportunity when she had full knowledge of her situation. I think you have shown her enough loyalty, and you should stick with your current tenant.

If you do need an excuse and the not renting to family clause won't wash, you could tell her that the previous notice and then renege made your tenant anxious so you signed a longer term lease, for their security and your financial security?