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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be really irked by this Mum (school admissions related)

77 replies

Calminacrisis · 01/03/2016 18:40

So, we live in a borough that has grammar schools and the usual 11+ nightmare for parents. DD is really bright and was encouraged to take the test. She passed, as it happens, but we are so far from the grammar she wanted, we knew she had a tiny chance of getting in and were expecting the school we got, which is the respectable comp very close by. However, the politics and competitiveness of some parents is genuinely shocking. I've just had a text off a woman who has never said so much as 'Morning' to me in the school playground, asking me which school my DD has got. I haven't replied but I'm really taken aback. I've written about three replies so far but deleted before sending as I'm struggling not to tell her to fuck off with her nosiness. Anyone else had experience of this bizarre behaviour??

OP posts:

MissGintyMarlow · 03/03/2016 11:27

just ignore her, she's lost leave of her senses

Meeep · 03/03/2016 11:28

I would assume her daughter wants to know. Maybe her DD's main friends have all got a different school so she's trying her DD's nice acquaintances to try to reassure her that she'll know someone.

ShesGotLionsInHerHeart · 03/03/2016 12:39

But it's not a secret is it? Surely everyone will find out what school their classmates will be going to? I just think it comes across a incredibly defensive and paranoid to give some glib answer.

Original poster

Calminacrisis · 03/03/2016 13:00

shesgotlions nope, it's not secret. I'm not paranoid or glib, cheers. Perhaps I am politer than others and think it's a teensy bit off colour to text someone I don't know to ask them things that are really no concern of mine. That's my gripe.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 03/03/2016 13:05

I'd text back 'sorry who is this?'

And then ignore

SquadGoals · 03/03/2016 14:02

But surely if she was trying to reassure her DD, she would have sent something more along the lines of :

"Hi it's X's mum, she's found out she has got into Y school and was wondering if she would know anyone there as her friends are going elsewhere. Where is your DD going?"

This just seems more like a fishing expedition.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/03/2016 14:21

I would probably assume that her DD did not get a grammar place either and she's trying to find out who did.

I would just reply along the lines of "King Edwards, what about Sophie?"

As PP's have said - all of the children will tell each other where they're going soon enough anyway.

Original poster

Calminacrisis · 03/03/2016 14:31

Thanks, squadgoals. Exactly. What I actually got was 'Hi, where is your dd going?' Nothing else.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 03/03/2016 14:33

Then say 'who is this'
??

If You'd had no contact except bar a party invite years ago it's quite normal not to save a number.

Spandexpants007 · 03/03/2016 15:14

Op I can't believe you've started and run a whole thread on something so small

Original poster

Calminacrisis · 03/03/2016 16:30

I thought much the same when I saw your chat about your iPhone, spandex, but didn't feel the need to do a slightly snide remark. Funny what MN throws up.

OP posts:

TheEternalForever · 03/03/2016 16:33

Eh if you don't think it's appropriate then just ignore the text. Your daughter will probably tell her daughter at school anyway, all the kids will be talking about where they're going. I personally don't think it's a big deal, you've chosen the school that's best for your child and that's that, but if you don't want to say just don't reply. She's not likely to ask again if you ignore it.

Alfieisnoisy · 03/03/2016 16:36

I thought that was a pretty snide comment too spandex. No need to open and read if you don't want to and even less need for snarky remarks

bluebellshoes · 03/03/2016 16:46

What's wrong with starting a thread about someone you hardly know contacting you about school places?

It is a strange thing to do. They aren't friends,

GretchenBeckett · 03/03/2016 17:00

It is strange and very rude. you're not being ott op. I'd be exactly the same.

WBDmadness · 03/03/2016 17:08

I don't understand why posters are being funny to you OP, what the woman did was rude - you don't know her properly so why does she think its appropriate to enquire as to your daughters school place? It is all nosiness - it is fine and normal discussion in the playground to find out where friends children will be going, but its different if you don't speak to the person who is asking.

The grammar school issue tends to send people a bit loopy - I didn't allow one of my children to do the 11+ and from some of the reactions you'd think I'd have physically harmed my child. Utter ridiculousness.

FWIW I hope your DD enjoys her choice of secondary as it is a big step for them.

oliviaclottedcream · 03/03/2016 18:03

Just ignore her. I know it's tempting to text back something bitchy or sarcastic and you'd be right to. But silence is by far the best way to say : piss off! She probably regrets sending it anyway.

sleeponeday · 03/03/2016 18:35

The lack of basic manners this demonstrates is astonishing. I agree, OP. She is being very odd.

I would agree that messaging back I think this must be a wrong number - don't know anyone of that name is best. Makes the point without being provably rude.

It's really odd behaviour, IMO. She lacks any concept of boundaries. For her child's sake, I hope that's a short-term insanity brought on by the grammar school situation... and maybe (as your child is bright) she's wanting to tell her own that someone she knows has got in as well? It's still not okay, especially as the odds are that she will be texting a parent whose child hasn't been successful, but there may be an explanation that isn't just nosiness.

Marynary · 03/03/2016 18:50

It's not something I would do but I don't really see why you're annoyed that she asked. It's not as if it's a secret. Everyone will know who is going where by the end of the day anyway. Perhaps her child is upset because she doesn't think she'll know anyone and she wants to reassure her. Somebody phoned me and asked what school my child was going to for that reason (her daughter got into a grammar school but none of her friends did)

Original poster

Calminacrisis · 03/03/2016 18:59

I've said it repeatedly. I don't know this woman. In any sense that could even be loosely defined as friendly acquaintance. Does it make me 'paranoid', 'defensive' or 'glib' to be taken aback at what I and others perceive to be a lack of basic manners? This woman presumably had my number when I gave birth not so long ago. She didn't text to congratulate or ask the baby's name. That wasn't a secret either. So my point was, I don't understand how she thinks it's ok to just baldly ask something which, as so many have pointed out, she'll find out eventually.

OP posts:

Marynary · 03/03/2016 19:04

Calminacrisis Her daughter obviously knows your daughter though and may be interested in whether they are going to the same school. I do think it is odd to ask you as most people leave it to the children to find out from each other but I don't get why you are so annoyed about it.

Only1scoop · 03/03/2016 19:08

I agree Op

Did you text back

Spandexpants007 · 03/03/2016 22:18

You really are blowing it up into something huge op. The mum just asked you a simple question probably to help put her own DD's mind at ease. Don't answer it if your knickers are in such a twist. It's not private information and it will be general knowledge anyway

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell · 03/03/2016 22:27

It's quite socially inept to randomly question someone you barely know, I agree.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 03/03/2016 22:37

I agree too.

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