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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be really irked by this Mum (school admissions related)

77 replies

Calminacrisis · 01/03/2016 18:40

So, we live in a borough that has grammar schools and the usual 11+ nightmare for parents. DD is really bright and was encouraged to take the test. She passed, as it happens, but we are so far from the grammar she wanted, we knew she had a tiny chance of getting in and were expecting the school we got, which is the respectable comp very close by. However, the politics and competitiveness of some parents is genuinely shocking. I've just had a text off a woman who has never said so much as 'Morning' to me in the school playground, asking me which school my DD has got. I haven't replied but I'm really taken aback. I've written about three replies so far but deleted before sending as I'm struggling not to tell her to fuck off with her nosiness. Anyone else had experience of this bizarre behaviour??

OP posts:
KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 02/03/2016 19:29

Other peoples nosiness does astound me but I agree with lilac that it isn't a secret, so when people have asked me I have told them! I haven't asked many people about it because I'm not really that fussed wherre other people's kids go, but there is no need for secrecy around it? my mum asked me if she was "allowed" to tell her friend, er.. Of course she is, I'm not trying to hide it from anyone lol

Peoples reactions are interesting though, like on the day after end of term reports and parents who never normally speak to me sidle up and say "so I expect you were pleased with your children's reports?"

I would do as above and either reply with name of school or ignore text. No biggie.

origamiwarrior · 02/03/2016 19:32

She's probably trying to determine where the admissions distance cut-off was (to work out whether she has a chance in appealing).

I'd cut her some slack.

Alfieisnoisy · 02/03/2016 19:35

This is the one time of year and give thanks that my child has a Statement of SEN. We didn't have any if this hassle as a result...I simply looked around several schools until I found the one which I thought was the best fit for DS and let the LA know. They then allocated him a place there automatically..and no it wasn't the massively oversubscribed one.

It goes nuts this time of year...I actually had people tell me I was "lucky that DS is autistic". I mean WTAF?

OP well done to your daughter, she will do well in whatever school she attends.

CocktailQueen · 02/03/2016 19:40

But what's the point of taking and passing the 11+ then not being offered a place at grammar? In our county everyone who passes is offered a place.

Agree that some parents can be v competitive...

bostonkremekrazy · 02/03/2016 19:44

alfie - my child too has a statement - its not that easy for all of us. our LEA cannot find a state school to meet my son's needs - neither can we - we trawled the schools and they and we agree they could not.
so we found an Indie which we think might meet his needs for a few years. Do you think the LEA will fund it? we have been fighting for almost a year - its at panel again this week.....so the LEA can't find him a school, they openly tell us there isn't a state school that can meet his needs - but then refuse to pay for the Indie which say it can meet his needs.
It sucks! and every week he says - where am i going in september?

I have not asked any of my friends where their kids are going - i cannot cope with the smiley happy answers, and the 'we still don't know' when they ask us in return!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/03/2016 19:48

Maybe her Dd is upset that she thinks she'll have no friends at school?

Why not just reply "King Edwards - pretty pleased. What about Susie?"

Original poster
Calminacrisis · 02/03/2016 20:03

Lilac , don't think I've mentioned subterfuge. I'm happy to discuss travel to school etc with friends (of myself and dd). What is odd is this woman seems to have no boundary when it comes to contacting out of the blue. I'd be embarrassed to be that nosey.

OP posts:
gandalf456 · 02/03/2016 20:07

I'd probably just answer but I know what you mean. I had someone who never talks to me quiz my DD about how her reading was going when she was about five. It was funny because DD just said back yes, I can read.

DownstairsMixUp · 02/03/2016 20:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Motherinlawsdung · 02/03/2016 20:20

(Old gimmer here). Here's something to make you smile. When I sat the 11 plus, over half a century ago, the results were published in the local paper: lists of all the schools, - grant-maintained, grammar and secondary modern, - with the names of every child who was going to each school.

Alfieisnoisy · 03/03/2016 07:39

boston yes my post didn't take into account the huge number of parents around the country who literally cannot find a school within the State sector which can meet the needs of their child. I was fortunate as the school DS attends is a specialist one for children with Speech, language and communication difficulties. Although we chose a Mainstream school initially which said it could meet his needs it was pretty clear within the first term they could not. We were fortunate that a new Free school opened locally which catered for children with my son's need.

Keep fighting....if they can't meet his needs in the state sector they HAVE to look outside it.

There is a group on Facebook called "Fighting for the right education for our children" with some very knowledgeable people there....worth a look.

Alfieisnoisy · 03/03/2016 07:42

boston, this is the FB group...I got the name of it slightly wrong.

www.facebook.com/groups/166297530143302/?ref=ts&fref=ts

BoboChic · 03/03/2016 07:46

I don't understand the secrecy. National offer day is a huge event for Y6s and everyone is going to find out which school everyone else got pretty quickly.

TooMuchOfEverything · 03/03/2016 07:47

It does all go a bit wierd but it's understandable when there is so much variation in schools, and not enough places.

We were lucky but some of my friends have had a nightmare this past couple of days. So I would try to be sympathetic. If she is asking out of nosiness, so what. And if she is asking out of 'need' that's understandable.

MrsSteptoe · 03/03/2016 07:52

Gosh, I'm against the flow here - I'd just tell her. (No reason why you should feel the same, though!) It wouldn't particularly bother me that she and I had never had any contact. Schools admissions is stressful, and some people get more wound up by it than others...

ShesGotLionsInHerHeart · 03/03/2016 07:52

Wow, this is a whole level of crazy I've never encountered before!

It's just a question; either answer it or don't. It hardly requires scorn and subterfuge does it? Confused

Thank goodness I live in Scotland! Nearest school and that's pretty much the end of it.

Witchend · 03/03/2016 08:22

Why is it crazy? Round here almost everyone gets into one school and still people text/email/fb to ask. I'd text and ask friends who are further out because I hope they got what they want.

Spandexpants007 · 03/03/2016 08:26

I can't see what all the dramatics are about either

PennyHasNoSurname · 03/03/2016 08:27

Maybe just put "the one we wanted thankfully"

blobbityblob · 03/03/2016 08:36

It's a stressful time for some. But she might simply want reassurance that her dd will know a few people going. The dc will tell one another anyway in the next few days.

MissGintyMarlow · 03/03/2016 09:32

People are total tits where 11+ is concerned, all manners go out of the window. I've witnessed total personality changes in some mums. It'll all die down in a couple of weeks.

BlackberryandNettle · 03/03/2016 09:35

I don't see the harm in her asking to be honest - maybe her daughter also applied to the grammar and passed and she's wondering if yours got a place? Or her daughter wants to know which friends are going to same school? People are nosey but school place isn't a highly personal subject in my opinon

BlackberryandNettle · 03/03/2016 09:37

I don't see the need for defensive 'the one we wanted' comments either. Why not just discuss places with her? Where's the harm? Do you suspect she's asking for gossip fodder?

Original poster
Calminacrisis · 03/03/2016 11:24

Ok,, just to clear a few things up. This woman is not a friend or even a nodding acquaintance. She has my number, I think, through an invitation sent out quite a long time ago, for an event her daughter never attended. I don't give a rat's arse where her dd goes to school as she's not really on my dd's social spectrum and travelling to school unlikely in the extreme as we live in opposite ends of the borough. I will out myself here, but grammar places are in such short supply here that there is a two tier exam process, introduced only this year. I believe this woman's daughter may have taken part in this, but again, I don't have any interest, so wouldn't bother to find out. I'm not into any subterfuge, I just respect other people's boundaries. My issue is not that I wish to hide something that is a non-issue for me. I'm just taken aback that people think it's normal to fire off questions to people they don't acknowledge in the street. Phew! Clearly some Mumsnetters think it's fine to delve into the ins and outs of others business. I happen not to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Calminacrisis · 03/03/2016 11:26

And yes, MissGintyMarlow, that's exactly what I am finding.

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