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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to think it's not necessary to avoid visiting an 8 month old because you have a sore throat?

58 replies

Mildogproblem · 01/03/2016 11:10

We had plans today to see a family member.
They just called to cancel because they have a sore throat and don't want to risk giving it to my DS. They wouldn't hear of coming despite me saying it's ok, it's definitely not just an excuse either.

Aibu to think this is overkill? He's not 8 weeks old, he's 8 months! Of course I won't encourage him to be held/kissed, but surely life has to carry on unless the visitor is very ill flu/stomach bug etc.

How much do you avoid illness with your children?

OP posts:

Duckdeamon · 01/03/2016 11:37

Suspect it's their anxiety then. (I have anxiety issues but not about this particular issue IYSWIM!)

It's good to recognise it in oneself - parenthood can obviously increase anxiety! And be sensitive to others' anxieties whilst not pandering - tricky! Eg my family are very anxious and I sometimes need to step back a bit!

PovertyPain · 01/03/2016 11:42

I think the person sounds lovely, taking your baby's health into consideration. I'm waiting for the thread that starts "I feel very ill at the minute and have cancelled a friend's visit as she has a young baby. My friend doesn't think that putting her baby at risk of illness is a big deal. Isn't that weird? Would you want to put your child at risk when it could be avoided?"

nina99ballons · 01/03/2016 11:44

DS was hospitalised by a 'cold' and ill for 6 weeks in total. Cold turned out to be some weird kind of virus that made an older child a bit unwell but totally floored my 8 months old.

So YABU. Better to be safe than awake for nights on end with a poorly baby.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/03/2016 11:45

There's a nasty virus doing the rounds. Starts as an excruciatingly sore throat. Wiped me out for two weeks.

So I'd say lucky escape.

BettyBi0 · 01/03/2016 11:45

I think it's super nice of them to cancel.

I'm sick of people visiting with colds/coughs and carrying on like normal while spreading their lurgy everywhere. DD invariably picks it up just from being in the shared space (even when no hugs etc) then we all catch in later from her.

It's a total myth that catching lots of bugs early on means you don't catch them later. That only works for defined viruses like chickenpox, measles etc. Colds and flus are seasonal variants and constantly mutating so catching a rubbish cold off someone gives you bugger all protection from the next cold doing the rounds.

Yes, at 8 months I'd worry a lot less about a baby ending up in severe respiratory distress from catching a bug but I'd still rather avoid it if poss.

pinkcan · 01/03/2016 11:46

I wouldn't go and see an 8 month old baby with a sore throat. Sometimes, babies and children can be much more ill than an adult with that sort of illness. Their immune system is not as good. It gets substantially better at about 6yo and by the time they are about 10yo it is much better.

You do not want to have your child admitted to hospital with something that starts out "minor". My dd was in a terrible state in hospital when she was little. The same illness affected me hardly at all. I wouldn't knowingly and avoidably expose a baby to an illness. When your child is aged 2-5 you will likely get a shit load of all manner of illnesses and then you will understand why people like me would not see an 8mo whilst unwell.

ProfYaffle · 01/03/2016 11:46

Oh God, don't say that! I was feeling better today too!

ProfYaffle · 01/03/2016 11:46

(To TreatSoftly)

Spudlet · 01/03/2016 11:47

My PiLs are a bit like this. They cancelled meeting my parents for the first time due to MiL having a cold (my parents live 2.5 hours away and DM works at the weekend so getting them together had been logistically challenging - so last minute cancellation on the grounds of a cold was not a popular move...) and whenever they arrange to come and see us (about 45 mins away) there is always a lot of fretting about whether it's forecast to rain, or be foggy, or windy, etc etc....

I've just come to accept it to be honest, there's no changing them! I tend to be a bit more gung-ho, you can't wrap them up in cotton wool and a few germs are needed to get the immune system working (not serious illness, but a cold isn't the end of the world). But to each their own.

Sirzy · 01/03/2016 11:48

Very sensible of them. Avoiding contact with ill people as much as possible is always a sensible course of action with young children

Original poster

Mildogproblem · 01/03/2016 11:49

Thanks for all the advice. Plans remain cancelled.

OP posts:

ThePebbleCollector · 01/03/2016 11:53

Having a one year old who has caught everything under the sun since she was about 4 months old, been in hospital a lot with breathing complications and barely has a clear week, I can see why some people stay away if they are unwell. I do with other people's babies. Can't do any harm to stay away, but passing something on could always cause a complication. As a poster mentioned above about a baby being in hospital after visiting with a cold.
My daughter had bronchiolitis a couple of times, so now everytime she catches what is a sniffle to most babies, she struggles and wheezes for a week.

MidniteScribbler · 01/03/2016 11:54

Plans remain cancelled.

Seriously, you need to get over it. Plans get cancelled, things change. You are seriously overthinking one cancelled event. They feel ill, they think they might be contagious. I know that a sore throat for me means a full blown cold within two days. I wouldn't want to pass that on to a young baby if I could avoid it.

MrsJayy · 01/03/2016 11:59

Well you cant avoid babies being ill but if you can avoid babies being ill isnt that a kinder thing to do sore throat temp and a cranky baby isnt my idea of cracking time, the person is just being kind .

LoveBoursin · 01/03/2016 12:00

Completely over the top if the child doesn't have any special condition that depress their immune system.

At 8 months old, both my dcs were at nursery coming back with colds every other week. They survive like all the other children in said nursery.

I also think that most people are now completely over the top re not giving the viruses to others. The answer isn't to stop going out. The answer is strengthen your immune system so not to catch it.
And use some people can't do that, I get it. But you stay in the house each time you have a cold or a sore throat, that's a hell of a lot of time off work, a hell of a lot of time when you can't pick your dcs up from school etc etc. and you are likely to still infect people as you will be contagious before symptoms appear anyway ...

Titsalinabumsquash · 01/03/2016 12:01

As someone who is stuck indoors with a 3yo and a 10mo with tonsillitis and starting to feel rough with a very sore swollen throat then I'd say it's best to avoid passing it into anyone if you can help if!

Skiptonlass · 01/03/2016 12:02

Not unreasonable at all.
It could be a harbinger of a really nasty bug
It could be strep

They sound very thoughtful. Our friends are similar - they will cancel if their kids have fever or anything catching and so do we

ThePebbleCollector · 01/03/2016 12:03

Titsalinabumsquash are you the performer that goes by that name?

Boomingmarvellous · 01/03/2016 12:04

I think it's very R of them. What is a relatively harmless viral sore throat to us could make an 8 month old pretty ill.

Titsalinabumsquash · 01/03/2016 12:05

I don't think so?.... I didn't know there was a performer with this name! Unless I'm famous and haven't realised?

Original poster

Mildogproblem · 01/03/2016 12:08

Midnitescribbler not sure what exactly you are taking from my posts, I have already stated I am not upset or angry in anyway I was purely wanting to find out what others thought. It can be rearranged it's not the end of the world. "Plans remained cancelled" meant precisely that, nothing more than that.

OP posts:

ComeonSummer1 · 01/03/2016 12:14

Very thoughtful of them. I
Wish more people had the sense to cancel when they feel ill. Nothing pisses me off more than a twat visiting uou with a heavy cold and no warning.

Op don't you think that your relative will feel rough with a sore throat and prefer to cancel for that reason alone as well as protecting you and yours?

cornishglos · 01/03/2016 13:24

Drives me nuts! My in-laws are like this. Massive hypochondriacs. There is always something wrong with my dh and his parents. They always think they're ill and don't seem to understand that most people have niggles of some sort most of the time. If I had a sore throat it wouldn't occur to me to even mention it, let alone go cancelling plans! They tried to cancel seeing us for this very reason a few weeks ago. I'd rather my kids grow up with sore throats and a can-do attitude, than be so afraid of life!

ThePebbleCollector · 01/03/2016 13:29

Titsalinabumsquash She's a burlesque dancer with that exact name :)

lalalalyra · 01/03/2016 13:36

I think it's really thoughtful of them. How often do we hear people ranting about other people passing on things to kids because they don't think? Yet this one is getting grief for not wanting the little one to be unwell.

Also they know how uncomfortable they've been, how ill it has made them so they should be the ones to judge if they are happy to be around other people imo. Sore throat can be a bit scratchy, or agony as if swallowing razor blades and anything in between so they'd be the best judges.

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