To wish that for two weeks school was just school

[Flatoutnautilus]

Sorry, have to post this as perhaps I'm just being lazy...
Remember when school was just plodding along for a bit and making friends and working on in-school (!) projects, doing a bit of reading and the highlight was a school play?

When did schooling turn into the action packed and exhausting venture that it has now become with such a mind boggling array of themed days and events all of which seem to need parental involvement ?

In the last two weeks my kids (DS5 and DS6) have had spell-a-thon, raising £ for charity with chores, dress up Friday, gym presentation (two separate costumes needed), two school plays, two away matches, two out of school projects needing completion, a grandparents celebration breakfast, homework every night including 'grammar', spelling, maths and a bake sale. It's really the extracurriculars that drive me round the bend.

Perhaps some kids really need this high octane level approach to keep them engaged but I tend to think it must be an adult's view of what is interesting because neither of my two (& they are usually very enthusiastic about most things) can get keyed up about any of it so I spend my time trying to motivate them to participate while slightly sharing their view that it's all a bit unnecessary. Am I being a stick in the mud? Or is this rammed packed school diary of 'extras' just symptomatic of the hyper stimulated environment that we all live in now?

For two weeks a year I would really like to school to clear the decks on the diary front and just teach the kids without all the extras. Maybe even let them play around with the concept of boredom and see what happens...

Couldn't agree more OP. My DD has just started reception and I can't believe the constant steam of extra 'stuff' they have on. So many events inviting parents along, during class time - the latest one being for the mums to come in on the Monday after Mother's Day to have a special session doing crafts and reading with their child - which is lovely, but I work on Mondays and really can't take a half day of leave given how many days leave I will already have to take for the school holidays. (Plus for various other work related reasons).

So I won't be there and I know my DD will be sad when she sees other mums there and not me. Anyway, on this occasion DH has a rare free window so is going to go instead (might send him in wearing one of my dresses) but it is just one of many times that I am feeling guilty about not going or twisting myself into a pretzel with work to try and attend things.

Plus the sheer admin time involved in all the school forms / activities / events etc. Enough already.

School needs to be for lessons, half the stuff they waste time on is pointless, costly and a waste of time.

The primary schools really annoyed me when they waste valuable time on total nonsense, not to mention the endless videos in the run up to the summer hoildays or christmas.

The consent demands for money is horrid, and shows little understanding of those on low income.

I use to go in and write a cheque at the beginning of the year, for what I thought was a very reasonable donation, and make it very clear that they were not to even dare to ask for more, not even once, because once I was a skint single mother (now I am very wealthy in comparison) . I found it shocking the pressure they were putting on some families for constant extra funds. I know children were kept off school "sick" in the run up to christmas as each day had a demand for money or presents, not funny if you are trying to do christmas on £40 quid for a whole family.

I also made it clear if they were going to ask my children to sit around all day doing nothing then I would happily take them off to do something productive.

The reason children are so behind is because half the time they spend at school is spent on pointless padding out box ticking shit.

sirchenjin I suppose I don't really think about it enough tbh. To be fair we have term diaries which publish all activities at the start of term as well as a weekly newsletter for reminders so the short notice thing isn't as much of a problem. In terms of buying and sourcing I personally have a severe over reliance on eBay and Amazon express delivery. I will think more about it in future though.

cingoli parents do appear to appreciate it, yes. In fact many seem to expect and demand it (we have extended hours so are supposed to provide everything the children might want to do outside school if they had the time). I'm a tad paranoid that they're all silently seething or openly complaining on this thread now though!

flashbang I'm sorry! feeling very guilty now. I do get carried away very easily.

Dear All,

Thank you so much for your comments - I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone on this!

I'm a SAHM (although I'm starting up a business ) so I'm aware that I'm in a position where I have some time to devote to this merry-go-round! But I do often think of parents who do not have that luxury or who might have other priorities. We are also very crafty and so I'm not afraid of glue and tin foil or making stuff but it's the relentless nature of it that I find a bit OTT. To the poster who correctly identified yes my two do go to a private school but I know the relentlessness is not confined to that sector and of course your comments highlight that.

I think my main point would be that I think kids need to learn that a quiet concentrated mind is not an enemy. And I worry that kids seem at the moment to be constantly having their 'fun' prescribed into themes, dress up days that relate to an adults interpretation of what they think all kids find fun. That wonderful writer who wrote 'Wild' (later turned into a movie with Reese Witherspoon) wrote another book called 'Kith' about the changing landscape of childhood. She says that someone like Unesco commissioned a report and an investigation into what children want and what makes them happy. Curiously it was not more themed days at school but it was 'freedom' and having a pet. I think we can also equate freedom with time. Time away from school and it's requirements so that as one poster put it, much of family time does not become dominated by the school's diary of events and prep for these.

Just for the record so you don't think this is coming from a hands off low key family - we are known for our slightly manic quality ! However I try to counter this by running against the tide and not over scheduling the kids so that they can just find time to be bored and play. Perhaps kids (& parents) might also really enjoy the events that the school plans if they came up less frequently. This overstimulation that we are all becoming so accustomed to doesn't allow any space to look forward to a break in the routine of school to do something different because there is so much - I would argue, too much - on offer. And yet like the proverbial butterfly minded we encourage our kids to skip from
one distraction to another without seemingly allowing them to deepen their knowledge of very much. I would never want to strip arts, sports or music or extras out of school as this of course provides richness and enjoyment for the kids but I do wonder how many of these activities simply distract from what might be done in a less flashy way to stimulate the kids and inspire them.

P.S
To manicinsomniac - I thought your comments from a teachers perspective were really interesting. I suppose one other thing I would say is this: the time after school for parents with kids (& the more kids you have the more adept you have to be at time management!) disappears very quickly. Bath, stories, down time, homework, chatting, trying to get everything organised for the next day, manage kids, so as much domestic stuff as possible, homework etc etc doesn't leave much time for costume construction! Quite often I'm up til 12:00 just doing everything I need to do done before I collapse into bed!

I never don't RTFT, but it's late and I need to go to bed, so

"Sorry, have to post this as perhaps I'm just being lazy..."

Schools do all this shit because it works.

Kids that are motivated to learn learn more than those who aren't.

So, you can teach a bland lesson about maths or grammar, or you could teach an exciting lesson about SUPER HEROS or Frozen or (as most schools will do) world book day and suddenly instead of disengaged kids, you have excited kids, still learning the same (dull but important) stuff, but engaged and wanting to do it.
What else do you do if the information you have to impart is basically dull but essential?

Also, these days schools are expected to do all sorts that used to the be the job of the parent. And there are many, many threads on here criticising schools for not doing that better.

"It's also, for me, very much about education. All this faff creates distracted pupils and takes time away from teaching much needed skills." YES YES YES!

"I know children were kept off school "sick" in the run up to christmas as each day had a demand for money or presents, not funny if you are trying to do christmas on £40 quid for a whole family." Major issue where I live. The headteachers and some of the class/subject teachers are from wealthy backgrounds and have no concept of how hard it is on a tight budget.

Fatmomma I've worked voluntarily with children of all ages. There's a balance needed. As several pps have said one event per term/half term is MORE than enough. The primary school my daughter attended had a fantastic head who focused on education. When she retired the new head suddenly added a shed load of events to the calendar - and then wondered why the previously excellent academic standards slipped! The parents ended up complaining and things were changed.

But it's still an issue at secondary. Not as much, but it's still there.

As for engaging children there are ways of doing that without losing 10+ hours of teaching time and incurring large out of pocket costs or impinging overly on family time.

Fatmomma, to some degree I agree with you, imaginative teaching engages more children, but I don't think people are really complaining about that. My issue is with needless activities that distract from education rather than enhance it. For example, the dressing up for world book day happens every year, and in my dds school it's just that, dressing up. There are no book activities, authors invited or anything else. All that happens is the class are excited for the day due to the silly costumes and can't focus on the lessons planned because of the distraction it causes.

I've been thinking much the same thing, OP. Over the space of 2weeks, we've had 5 extra curricular events/activities, all of which require a not inconsiderable amount of parental input (x2, as I have two children st the school.) I work, my husband works - it's a hell of a lot to fit in on top of the usual homework and day to day stuff

Manic - thank you Chances are you're not my child's teacher, but hopefully as a result of this thread there will.be parents now and in the future who are less stressed as a result of endless creative projects. Just one final wee point though - not very parent has one delivery adress (they may work across sites or may not be allowed to take deliveries at work) and they may not be able to.get to a collection depot before it shuts - so often shops at the weekend is the only option

So, an almost unanimous yanbu.

Please government, Ofsted, teachers, give us a break!

I had dinner with some friends a while ago, all had children at the same primary. The conversation when like this -

'Have you done they school project yet'
'No, got to get all the stuff yet'
'Don't know when I'll find the time'
'Wish they'd just leave us alone'

No mention at all of the children actually getting on with it and doing it themselves. None of the children wanted to do this 'fun' project, none of the parents wanted to do it. The parents ended up doing 90% of this, they couldn't just not do it and leave it to the children, it wouldn't get done or if it did get done it would look crap compared to all the other parents children's efforts. It caused nothing be upset and stress for everybody.

Have RTFT.

I have 3 DC (one at secondary, one at primary and one starting in September) and have 2 part time jobs and a couple of voluntary ones.

Tbh I feel like a hamster on a wheel. I am quite organised, DH is hands on and I have a supportive family network but I still find it all a bit much.

Last summer when my eldest left school I had 2 weeks where there was something for her everyday (special event, slide show of residential, end of year play, parents evening, sports day, leavers assembly, last day send off, trips to secondary school) and DS had some things too. My parents were away and so was DH so my poor youngest was passed around to other relatives so I could get to everything. I was ill in the first week of the hols.

I just had a look at dd's school event calendar so far to see how busy it is. She is in reception, and the most common event is a sort of craft afternoon for the last hour of the school day in which parents are invited to join in with. I've noticed they have managed to squeeze 3 of those inside 2 months I ask my mum if she fancies going if I can't. Dressing up days have only happened a few times in a whole school year I think, not excessive. Dd gets a nicely challenging bit of homework every week. This school was in special measures just before she started though so the emphasis on actual numeracy and literacy is very apparent.

My friend (I'm CF) was complaining about this last night. This week has brought dressing up for St David's Day (in Wales) yesterday and WBD on Thursday :(

Feel bad for you all! Crazy.

So glad when ds left primary school. Don't have to put up with all the extra activities. Ds was also happy to leave it all as well.

Agree Squeak. My eldest 2 are at high school/uni and the relief when they left all the dressing up/making shit behind them was wonderful. Now DC3 is at that stage and I'm reminded all over again of the stress and nonsense it brings (as well as how utterly pointless it is)

Most of the kids actually don't enjoy these things very much. A lot of children with additional needs find the constant changes to their routines very difficult to deal with as well.

We had an 'event' this afternoon. Out of 30 children, maybe 5 of them were engaging with the activity. The rest were bored and got nothing from it at all. And we're doing it all again tomorrow.

Sooo relieved that my youngest is now in secondary school and we have left most of this shit behind.

I wonder how making Harry Potter out of a potato could possibly be deemed educational. It is hardly something you would put on your CV in later life, is it?

Not read all the thread I just wanted somewhere to say world book day has worn me down to a pointless nub. It has fuck all to do with encouraging reading and literacy. The characters they pick are random and shit. It forces you to spend money you don't have or time you don't have . It. Must. Be. Stopped. Dear god make it stop .

Our school is fairly light on the activities thank goodness, but a not good Ofsted inspection and new head have focused the school on learning. Previously the weeks in the run up to Christmas were almost no learning, loads of stuff on.

There is a feeling among some staff and parents that it's too academically focused now, but I think the balance is a lot better.

The teachers have enough to do teaching and looking after the kids, not helping run endless 'fun' events.

Yes, yes yes!!

Especially nursery. You only have them for three sodding hours a day. Stop asking me to come 30 mins early once every fortnight or so because you are holding a concert/having Mother's Day/opening a biscuit tin. You may work 8-3 and get 13 weeks hols to recover, but actually my working hours are more like 8-5, and I get 5 weeks hols. Just arranging drop up and pick up is hard enough, without knowing that my little cherub has been vainly searching for my face at some mid-afternoon event.

Next year it will be stay and play/stay and read once a fortnight in Reception. Even year 6 are still having random concerts at 2.30pm from time to time, though parental attendance is much lower.

I would have simply refused to do the Harry Potter potato. What exactly are they learning from that!

Oh god yes - the 'come and see them scratch their heads/put on their coats/read a book' sessions in the middle of the working day. Working parents get a finite amount of leave. We use that leave for the school holidays - and it doesn't even cover those (even with 2 parents combining their leave and taking it at different times). Who the bloody hell thought that was a good idea? And telling parents that a relative can come in your place is no good either because a)many of us live miles away from relatives (who may or may not be alive) and b)relatives do actually have jobs as well.

I'm not sure if it's teachers or politicians who are stuck c1973 and truly believe that mums are just sitting at home twiddling their thumbs (or both)

I agree. It has become ridiculous. I'm utterly exhausted by it. And fail to keep up. The constant round of letters from school to inform of different timed events and money /costumes is a military style juggle. Especially with a full on job. First Childs school has improved since new head and a needs improvement Ofsted rating. Obviously needed a revised focus. The almost biweekly charity fancy dress has dwindled to a few key days. However what the daughters private school lacks in charity dressing up, it makes up for in constant sports matches with other schools requiring complex games kit with enormous number of accessories ( mouth guards shin pads etc). My 8 year carried a huge sports bag daily. Of course time then spent chasing up lost kit, juggling work and pick ups. What has happened ? I am sure my own childhood was far simpler. And a lot less hectic.