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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 5yo shouldnt be left all alone, even for a couple of mins?!

70 replies

upsidedownfrown · 29/02/2016 15:40

Hiya, been years since I've been on here but hey ho, I'm back. Anyway, I won't go into loads of detail as I like anonymity and too many details could blow my cover!

In a nutshell, last week a 5yo and 3yo were left sitting on the doorstep of their locked house completely unsupervised for about 5 mins while mum went to get her car parked a couple of streets away.

I watched them from my house when I realised they were there as I saw mum leave and come back a few mins later with her car.

Not a busy road but a very easy street to get off of really quickly with alleyways and walk throughs to neighbouring streets.

It's been bothering me for days. I guess its made me feel uneasy. Obviously it's not my place to say anything but it's been playing on my mind for some reason.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/02/2016 17:24

Yes, your thread title was misleading - report your own OP to MNHQ and ask them to change it.

5yo - DS1 would have been fine with this. DS2 is now 3 and no way in hell would I do this with him (and probably not even when he's 5).

5 is ok by themselves; 3 is not, and putting the 5yo in charge of a 3yo in that situation is really mean to the 5yo.

Original poster
upsidedownfrown · 29/02/2016 17:26

Thanks Daphne!

Ilostit, that's a good idea! Hopefully I won't find them on the doorstep again though....

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 29/02/2016 17:26

Personally I wouldn't, and i don't mean the 5 year old so much as the 3 year old.

That said, everyone knows their own kids, and if you had the kind of 3 year old who never did anything that her older sibling didn't (my daughter is like this, she looks to either him or me for what to do next, she always stays close to one or the other, she has no desire to be anywhere but by his side, or mine, if that makes sense) and if she'd said, you stay there with your brother, and had said to the brother, don't move and don't let her move and don't go with anybody, then I guess it would be okay from the point of view of nothing is likely to happen. (don't now if it's a boy and a girl in your OP but obviously it's irrelevant)

So whilst i wouldn't have done this, I could have done, and I would wager that nothing bad would have happened.

So it's a mother making her own judgement call on the basis of her knowing her children better than you do.

In these random one-off type situations I think it is always better to keep my nose out, even if it's not something you would have considered doing yourself. If you see a picture being painted where lots of random moments become a bigger picture, you might feel you need to say something, or that's how I'd see it anyway.

MyUserNameIsGreat · 29/02/2016 17:26

No, I wouldn't leave an 8 year old for 5 minutes whilst I was 2 streets away. Anything could happen in 5 minutes.

Kiwiinkits · 29/02/2016 17:27

I would think it was totally fine. My five year old and three year old are very sensible. Five year old walks to school by herself, three year old rides her scooter everywhere and stops at corners. Has done since she was two, never any hint of being silly around roads. The level of paranoia on here is astounding! The more trust you give them the more trustworthy they become.

Kiwiinkits · 29/02/2016 17:29

And what tattydevine said.

WorraLiberty · 29/02/2016 17:30

No, I wouldn't leave an 8 year old for 5 minutes whilst I was 2 streets away. Anything could happen in 5 minutes.

Like what?

MyUserNameIsGreat · 29/02/2016 17:31

Exactly the same could happen to an 8 year old as could happen to a 5 year old!

TattyDevine · 29/02/2016 17:34

Which is, what?

Jesabel · 29/02/2016 17:34

My 5 year old would be fine - he plays out in the street alone too.

3yo - it depends. I probably wouldn't but maybe a very sensible/reliable 3yo would be fine.

Nanny0gg · 29/02/2016 17:35

I would think it was totally fine. My five year old and three year old are very sensible. Five year old walks to school by herself, three year old rides her scooter everywhere and stops at corners. Has done since she was two, never any hint of being silly around roads. The level of paranoia on here is astounding! The more trust you give them the more trustworthy they become.

I'm amazed that your DC school is ok with that.
I don't think 'sensible' is an adjective that can be ascribed to a toddler. 'Lucky' perhaps. Children don't have proper road sense until they are 7 (so the Road Safety people told me).

And it isn't always a matter of 'trust'.

Abraid2 · 29/02/2016 17:35

I wouldn't say anything to her, OP.

Nanny0gg · 29/02/2016 17:36

My 5 year old would be fine - he plays out in the street alone too.

Presumably while you're in the house? So easily found?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/02/2016 17:36

"Paranoia" - hahaha. Or perhaps we just understand our children better than you do, eh Kiwi? Obviously you have perfect children, and you have trained them perfectly sheer luck - but some of us don't have that luck luxury and so our less-than-perfect children wouldn't be safe in that situation.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 29/02/2016 17:37

Of course it depends on the area you live in and how you know your children will behave.
I think it's brilliant that a neighbour would be concerned if she saw some young children on their own.. It would be a sad world if everyone turned a blind eye and refused to get involved if concerned.

Kiwiinkits · 29/02/2016 17:40

Well they are inherently sensible. And quite well trained. But I know them enough to trust them.
School are fine with her walking to school; why wouldn't they be?
I'm in NZ though (major city, inner city suburb). Different values here than in the uk. Kids aren't quite so babied, maybe.

thisismypassword · 29/02/2016 17:41

Neither age. The world is full of weirdos.

f1fan2015 · 29/02/2016 17:43

The PP saying the school can't be happy about a 5 year old walking to school on their own, in Switzerland your child would be the odd one out walking with their parent and the foreign mums who don't want to let their children walk alone have a quiet word had with them after a couple of terms!

treaclesoda · 29/02/2016 17:45

I wouldn't let a five year old walk to school alone but I'm a bit Confused at the comment that the school wouldn't be happy about it. How on earth would the school know how a child gets to school? Surely they are dropped at the school gate and they go in? There isn't a teacher standing at the gate doing a handover surely?

With regard to OP, I wouldn't leave a 3 and 5 year old in that situation either.

fusionconfusion · 29/02/2016 17:46

The reason children don't have road sense until 7 is because they don't typically have the same level of opportunity as they might have with other forms of learning. My6 year old ds has walked to nursery/school with me (and everywhere else, as we don't have a car) since the age of 3 come hail rain or shine so his road safety skills are generally excellent but he has probably had, minute by minute, hundreds if not thousands of hours more experience of walking on roads than many of his classmates. In some countries, they will walk to school much younger than in the UK and it will be perfectly safe for them to do so because the roads are set out for this eventuality, they will have been walking since very young, they will know how to use crossings etc.

Five still seems young to walk to school alone, granted, but I would be concerned to think an 8 year old wouldn't be allowed to sit on a doorstep for a few minutes. Even though few 6 year olds walk to school where I live, most 9 year olds are walking themselves: it's the norm.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 29/02/2016 17:48

The world is full of weirdos? No it's not and I hope you don't convey that to your children.

vvviola · 29/02/2016 17:49

I'm surprised your school is ok with a 5yo walking to school Kiwi, our school (suburb of big NZ city) said no walking to/from school until Year 3. Which admittedly I was still scandalised by, but then I had come from Belgium where we still had to be buzzed in/out of primary school building and primary school kids walking alone was not the done thing at all.

(but yes, generally, I think you are right about a more prevailing attitude of kids just being able to get on with things, and being generally hardy, in NZ)

TattyDevine · 29/02/2016 17:52

Treaclesoda actually there is a teacher at the gate and handover is done at our school...until recently it was even frowned upon to see them through the gate where the teacher was standing and then go - you were supposed to go into the playground with them and wait till the bell had gone and they had gone into their classroom. This has relaxed with the new head teacher who considers the fact that there is a teacher on the gate enough to ensure children won't wander off into the street. This was after some working parents had a moan that they couldn't get to work by 9 (rightly so, if there's a teacher there, that should be fine)

So a teacher seeing children approach on their own every day would realise they are walking themselves.

This is not considered acceptable at our school until they are in about year 4, preferably 5.

God knows why!

HicDraconis · 29/02/2016 17:57

NZ doesn't cover itself with glory with regard to its childcare stats so I'm not sure I'd hold the habits here up as a shining example!

I do see a few children walking themselves to school at far too young an age (imo obviously) - most parents wouldn't let a 5yo walk by themselves though and the two primary schools my boys have been to don't allow children below 7 to walk or bike in without a parent.

I wouldn't leave my 5 year old on the front step while I was 2 streets away, let alone the 3 year old and definitely not together. I wouldn't now they are 8&10 but that's because I'd enjoy their company on the walk to the car 😄

treaclesoda · 29/02/2016 17:58

Tatty I stand corrected. That doesn't happen in any of the schools in my area. At our school they ask parents not to go past the school gate after the first week of P1 because it is too disruptive for the pupils. There is a teacher on duty in each playground but the playground isn't immediately inside the school gates, you have to walk through the (fairly spacious) grounds to get there, so the teachers would have little idea of how a child gets there.

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