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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want more benefits?

275 replies

CheeseAndSprinkles · 29/02/2016 14:03

I care for 2 of my children but I'm only able to claim one amount of carers allowance. I save the country a lot of money by caring for my children, I wouldn't have it any other way, but the extra money would be extremely helpful. It's a pittance anyway. So am I BU?

OP posts:
Voldetort · 01/03/2016 16:31

DS came home from school happy as a lamb one minute and in a raging meltdown the next. Has kicked me in the shin hard enough to break the skin, smashed his much treasured light sabre, smacked his own head off the wall and hit his brother.

Feel like I'm really earning that 49p an hour today.

latebreakfast · 01/03/2016 17:05

So 126 hours a week and we're earning .49pence an hour.

Doesn't this assume that you'd spend zero time caring for your DCs if they had no disabilities? Surely if you're going to add up the hours in this way then you'd take that into account?

Dawndonnaagain · 01/03/2016 17:28

Fact is late, we're paid a pittance. I can't actually believe you're quibbling over extra hours. Oh, and they're hours over and above what you would spend with dcs anyway, because most dcs tend to sleep. I for one have to get up half a dozen times a night. My youngest are 19 but I still have to get up and help toilet a woman who is taller than me, and change her sheets if necessary, help her in the shower at 2a.m. You doing that for your dcs?

Owllady · 01/03/2016 18:28

I don't want to detail what I do for my disabled daughter but I have two younger children and it really is a world away from having a 'normal' child (and one of my normal children has suspected adhd Confused) I feel rather ashamed of people that can't use their imagination in all honesty. Even the country's prime minister put his hands up and said he and his wife couldn't do it but they were lucky enough to have the money to pay for care.

Owllady · 01/03/2016 18:30

Dawn Flowers today has sounded very hard. I hope your dh is ok x

sharpedges · 01/03/2016 19:05

Calculating an hourly rate works out differently for me as Carers Allowances allows me to claim income support, which passports me to Housing Benefit, Council Tax Support and a high rate of Child Tax Credits as well. So it probably works out a bit better for me than those who just get Carers Allowance, but it's still a pitiful rate considering I have 2 disabled dc and I am their sole carer.

And to make it worse is that I'm due at the Jobcentre in a few days because they insist on me coming in once a month to do work related activities, no matter how much I insist that there's no way I can consider taking on work with 2 severely disabled dc to look after. It has become much more aggressive recently, trying to sign me up to Universal Jobmatch and having me post a CV on there. I only turn up so that they won't sanction my benefits, but it is a waste of time as there's no employer who would take me on with all the appointments, meetings, prescription collections and early school collections I'd have to do.

Coffeemachine · 01/03/2016 19:24

sharp, that is weird. I thought as a carer they cannot force you to work.

Dd1 is severely disabled and I do work part time. I lost my job last and and claimed JSA and the job centre actually got quite shitty with me for not claiming Carer's instead of JSA (but JSA is £10/more and I couldn't afford to go down to CA and I was genuinely looming for a new role).

2old2beamumandpastit · 01/03/2016 20:49

Owlladyyou speak my language! As a parent of 5 DC's with special needs (all adopted) 3 with Down Syndrome, one deafblind CP ETC one with a rare syndrome and complex needs. We are now OAP's still slogging our guts out. Due to cutbacks support is being pulled back. And of course no CA. I am tired of telling people that it is hard work but do they care ha bloody ha. I feel the attitude is you wanted them get on with it!!!

As said up thread we maybe would be better off fostering. As said 30 years ago they would have been institutionalised. We love them so much.

Yes CA should be for each person not carer!

CheeseAndSprinkleys · 01/03/2016 21:10

2old2be Flowers

SoleBizzz · 01/03/2016 22:46

Blimey 2old
I can come over and help out xx

Piratepete1 · 01/03/2016 23:56

I have a child with a special need and a milder one at that. We must have spent over £20000 in the last 4 years just on things she needs because of this - hotels for London hospital visits,private therapy when the NHS is too short staffed to provide what they should, special needs toys and equipment. That's not counting the £50k a year job I gave up when she was born because no company is going to let me take my child to 2 or 3 medical appointments a week. So in return I get carers and she gets lower rate DLA- fab!

honkinghaddock · 02/03/2016 05:54

I think the problem is that if you start adjusting ca, where do you stop. Should someone who cares for a child receiving higher rate dla get more than someone who cares for a child receiving middle rate. Do those who care for adults receive more than those who care for a child who is at school? I think it should be higher for everyone and there should be more respite available so those caring for several people would get more help in that respect.

CheeseAndSprinkleys · 02/03/2016 07:29

Honking it will be a minefield and nothing will be done and they have us over a barrel because we are never going to stop caring for our loved ones, so can get a away with paying us the minimum. We haven't got the time or the energy to do much about it. I've wanted to have a moan about it on here for ages but I've either been too tired, too depressed, too busy etc...finally got a minute and this thread has been really interesting actually and supportive.

YouAreMyRain · 02/03/2016 09:13

If you claim CA you can access income support and housing benefit?
Is there a savings maximum on these if they are accessed through CA?

BishopBrennansArse · 02/03/2016 09:36

YouAreMyRain yes there is a savings limit for IS and CA.
CA is also income based.

DixieNormas · 02/03/2016 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoundingTheStreets · 02/03/2016 10:03

Feel for your situation OP Flowers

We live in a society where someone who performs a vital social need with back-breaking demands is ridiculously undervalued. There is the supposition that because it does not require qualifications, 'anyone can do it'. Not true. Very few people can do it without sliding themselves into health problems and/or depression long-term, and even if they are able to avoid that, they sometimes find themselves cast out on the scrap heap when their services are no longer required with absolutely no recognition of what they have sacrificed.

I spent a few years nursing my MIL before she died. I was utterly shocked by how callous the system is and how horribly vulnerable she would have been if I had buckled under the strain. No wonder so many people refuse to care for sick/elderly relatives and children end up in care. Perhaps with more support we'd have a society where more of us were able to take care of our own.

Hope things improve. Flowers

Dawndonnaagain · 02/03/2016 10:04

Thank you Owl

Flowers For all. We're all in difficult situations.

MiddleAgeDaze · 02/03/2016 10:32

The CA is an insult to full time carers. I had a part-time, work from home job until the middle of last year, but I was let go. I don't expect to ever find another - they're as rare as unicorn poop. If you have no family support, then you'd be paying around 10 pounds an hour for a special needs carer to pick up from school and look after your child while you are at work. For many people that would mean their entire salary would be consumed by care costs. There is no support for carers to return to employment. My daughter has autism and is at a specialist school. There is no before school club, no after school provision and let's not get started about holidays. It sucks so bad and is only set to get worse as she leaves education and enters adult services.

GooseberryRoolz · 02/03/2016 11:38

There is no support for carers to return to employment.

Which in itself is complete madness.

Carers and ex-carers are a huge unrealised workforce and have a lot of valuable experience.

elliejjtiny · 02/03/2016 15:13

There will always be people who think that we get loads of money for looking after children who aren't much more difficult to look after than children who don't get dla. It doesn't help when there are posters in the dr surgery saying if you bring a meal round to your neighbour you could be getting carers allowance, like it's that easy! I get a carers magazine that offers all kinds of courses and support groups for carers but I'd have to bring the children I care for and that isn't allowed.

Thankyou for starting this thread, it's nice to get a reminder that there are other people in the same situation as me. It's not just the caring, it's things like when I was in HDU after having my ds I was on my own most of the time. Because everyone who I was close enough to want them to see me puking and with a catheter were looking after my other children. And I can't get counselling for my ptsd/pnd because I have to prioritize and the dcs appointments come first.

CheeseAndSprinkleys · 02/03/2016 15:16

Flowersellie

Owllady · 02/03/2016 15:20

It costs any government too much money to enable and support carers to work :) which is a challenge to some of the ignorance I suppose

x2boys · 02/03/2016 15:57

very true Owllady i was a mental health nurse for years working for the NHS when ds2 was diagnosed with severe autism and learning disabillities you would have thought working in the environment i worked in and for the NHS they would be sympathetic to the challenges i faced trying to work and be a carer but i got told it didnt meet the needs of the ward i worked on to request the hours i requested which were not ridiculous by the way just not to work night shifts and i got very little support from management so i quit as tbh i didnt need the stress of the job and home life as well.

Daffyduck1 · 02/03/2016 16:29

I'm caring for my terminally ill husband, young autistic son and his two siblings. Until my husband got ill, I worked full time and he was carer to our son. His carers allowance stopped because he was admitted to hospital where his aggressive cancer secondaries were diagnosed. Long term I'll never be able to get a job that will allow me days off each week for school meetings, hospital appointments, etc even if 1:1 child care for school holidays and before/after school was available (it isnt). Most carers are totally trapped by their circumstances.