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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - I've been called fat 3 times this weekend...

43 replies

ThePinkParker · 28/02/2016 22:25

And my baby is only 5 months old. Seriously, why would you mention it? Yes I am overweight at the moment but I've lost 11lbs so far & im trying to feel better about myself which isn't easy due to constant sleep depravation.

First off, went to PIL's Friday to show them photos of the baby & us we had done last week. PILs are awwing & cooing over the baby then there is one of the three of us & FIL says "I don't like that one, you look fat in it". Yeah thanks!!

Then we go to BILs yesterday and one of DH's family members asks am I pregnant again already. !!!!!! Really??

Out with breakfast this morning with my dad & he's telling me I need to feed the baby solids as he's losing his belly (he's not - he's 98th centile ffs!) then starts to tell me how I was fed baby rice at 2 weeks & it didn't do me any harm etc, so I JOKILY say - in order to change the bloody convo as I'm sick of it - "ooh that's why I'm overweight then" to which he replies "no your fat because you eat too much". Yes, I walked right into that one but seriously it was a joke so it's nice to know that me having JUST HAD A BABY has no bloody bearing on it. It isn't the first time he's mentioned my fatness after having the baby. I used to be a size 10 so it was clearly a joke...

AIBU to be hurt or am I being over sensitive? Argh I'm furious & feel even shitter about myself now even though I'm bloody trying to lose weight!

OP posts:

VoldysGoneMouldy · 28/02/2016 22:29

People are twats.

I hope you're okay.

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 28/02/2016 22:36

People are twats, this is very true.

I was almost asked if I was having number 2, by a lady in Waitrose who'd stopped to coo at DD. she looked at my (sizeable) tummy, said, 'oh, and are you...' At which point I sucked it in, stood up straight and she quickly said 'enjoying motherhood, dear?'

Ignore ignore ignore. I'm fat, never lost baby weight, and I don't care. There are worse things to be. And I bet you're only a teeny bit softer than you were, so meh. And you have a lovely baby, so a few more pounds is nothing in the scheme of that.

LindyHemming · 28/02/2016 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeaceLoveAndJaffaCakes · 28/02/2016 22:41

Congrats on your new baby and on losing 11lbs! I thought breastfeeding helped you lose weight, and had lovely visions of my new svelte post-baby body. They don't tell you breastfeeding also makes you want to eat EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD, do they?

passmethewineplease · 28/02/2016 22:43

YANBU.

The sound like insensitive arseholes.

Original poster

ThePinkParker · 28/02/2016 22:43

I'm sick to death of family to be honest. I wish I could spend my weekends just the three of us but as we have such a big family they already complain that we never see them.

My family are all weight obsessed & bitchy so I have no doubt I'm getting torn to shreds behind my back but didn't expect it from DH's. Maybe they're just too comfortable around me now, I'd rather they said it behind my back then kick me when I'm down though! Bastards!

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2016 22:45

They are all very rude arses.

Choceclair123 · 28/02/2016 22:46

Sink to their level and start pointing out personal things about them

Levatrice · 28/02/2016 22:47

God people are so rude

BillBrysonsBeard · 28/02/2016 22:48

You know some really rude people, this isn't normal! How dare they say anything. Well done you on your weight loss so far You need a good retort but I'm sure someone else will be able to think of one for me..

Original poster

ThePinkParker · 28/02/2016 22:52

choce you know what I'm too nice. All I do is laugh it off & I don't retaliate at all. As I've been so busy it's only now that I've sat down & actually thought how out of order they have been & how my confidence is shot to pieces already, never mind with all the comments.

Next weekend we are not leaving the house & visitors are banned!

OP posts:

catsrus · 28/02/2016 22:58

You said it yourself - they're weight obsessed and bitchy. You know this, you've probably been dealing with it for years, the difference now is that you are feeling vulnerable and it's getting to you.

Realistically are they ever going to change? If you think they are not then you need to devise sone strategies for dealing with this. It might be going NC for a bit / forever it might be trying to learn how to detach from the comments, it might be to lose more weight. I'm guessing the latter would not fundamentally change, or get rid of, their comments to be honest.

turkeylovessprout · 28/02/2016 23:01

The pink Parker, after my 1st, I was asked, when she was about 4 months (with said baby in my arms) if I was pregnant!
with my 3rd, about 6 months on and an old neighbour came around one day and said in dismay 'you're not pregnant again are you?'!
I know it's a kick in the mouth. I went from size 12 up to size 18 with the children (3 over 6 years) and now last dc is 2.5 I'm down to size 12 again. (I had to add that as I'm pretty chuffed with myself!)

Lurkedforever1 · 28/02/2016 23:03

It's rude as fuck to make personal comments, so Yanbu. Next time just say 'yes, I'm fat, but luckily I have enough self esteem to not base my self worth on my weight. In fact I am so filled with self confidence I don't even need to insult others to make myself feel better about my own appearance. You should try it'.

cromwell44 · 28/02/2016 23:03

YANBU. Seeing family isn't compulsory you know, so don't do it more often than you want to. Sounds like they are a rude lot so why waste your free time with them.

NinaSimoneful · 28/02/2016 23:03

Ignore. They're not being very nice. You've lost 11lbs in 5 weeks so hardly 'lettibg yourself go'.

(Rolling eyes at myself for using that stupid expression)

BeauMirchoff · 28/02/2016 23:08

Oh my... I remember being in a shop, paying for some clothes for my NEWBORN baby and the woman at the till staring at my overstretched belly that my DH's t-shirt failed to cover up... Ugh... It made me feel SO bad.
for you!

cakedup · 28/02/2016 23:13

A few days after DS was born, a friend came to see the baby. First thing he said was "Awwww" at the sight of DS and then "looks like you've got another one in there!" Unbelievable how rude some people are! Next time, you should just say "I'm not comfortable with you making remarks on my weight, just as you would be if I remarked on your big nose/old age/fag breath/etc"

AnthonyBlanche · 28/02/2016 23:17

I was going to say that maybe you are a bit fat if people are commenting - however changed my mind when read your baby is only 5 months old! It can be quite hard to shift baby weight but it sounds as if you are doing very well if you've already lost 11lbs. Don't let them bother you.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/02/2016 23:20

No you're not being over sensitive. People are very rude. How dare they pass comment on your body, and especially after having a baby. What planet do these people live on because it ain't this one. It can't be. I know and have met some nasty cunts in my time, but none of them would dream of passing a comment like you FIL did for example.
Worry about yourself and your new baby.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 28/02/2016 23:22

I went round to show an old neighbour (who is lovely) the new baby - 3 months. She wasn't in, chatted to her husband for 5 min who eventually said, "I can't get over how much you've changed. I mean, you used to be so slim..."

Thanks pal!

RubyRoseViolet · 28/02/2016 23:27

My god!! So many rude people! So sorry you've had to put up with this crap op. It sounds like you're doing a sterling job and even if you hadn't lost weight it wouldn't excuse these nasty remarks. I'm not sure what to advise besides ignoring them but anyway, just know that the vast majority of people wouldn't speak to a new mum (or anyone) like that!

Atthebottomofthegarden · 28/02/2016 23:29

I don't think people are usually deliberately horrible, but God can they be thoughtless and tactless. With spades on. And you will be tired, hormonal and sensitive at the moment. It's not a good combination. Ignore them. You sound like you are doing great.

Fourfifthsof · 28/02/2016 23:38

Awww pink

I feel your pain. My family and in laws are buttholes about weight too... Always have been. They were bloody rude when I was pregnant and still are - it used to be hurtful but now I'm rude back but always with a smile... Example.

MIL :you have always been overweight dear - it's just harder to lose now you've had a baby...

Me: it's so true MIL - maybe you could give me some tips on how to disguise my excess pounds? You always dress so well and manage to pretty much conceal yours... (smile/head tilt)

I'm sure you look lovely btw. This has their issue, not yours.

emilybohemia · 28/02/2016 23:40

They're being knobs. Hope you're ok. xxx

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