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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope my DD doesn't turn out to be introverted?

93 replies

Jellybeam · 28/02/2016 12:06

DD is 8/9 weeks and she's quite a calm baby. She only cries when hungry, needs a change or a cuddle. I do worry that this may be down to her personality, being the quiet type. Which may not work in her favour when she's older e.g. Making friends and being likeable in school/work, participating in group activities, going for a job which requires a more outgoing/social personality.

Has anyone had a calm baby that actually turned out to be a confident adult?

OP posts:

LogicalThinking · 28/02/2016 16:40

You couldn't have got this one any more wrong!
Relax and enjoy your calm baby. She will be who she will be.
But please don't make her try to be more outgoing if she does turn out to be introverted. It doesn't mean any of the things you think it does!

GreatFuckability · 28/02/2016 16:55

i'm an introvert. i survive in life.

breezydoesit · 28/02/2016 16:59

My DS was a quiet easy baby and he's now 19 months an lovably mental. I think you're overthinking things!

FreshHorizons · 28/02/2016 17:39

Introverts can be very confident.
You shouldn't waste time overthinking - just enjoy each stage.

Shesinfashion · 29/02/2016 21:13

You sound utterly mad. Have you nothing else at all to worry about?

honeylulu · 29/02/2016 22:14

I knew a baby like this. Totally chilled, hardly ever cried, usually zonked out asleep. Fast forward 11 years and she's head girl of the junior school. Clever, popular, confident, lovely girl.

geekymommy · 29/02/2016 23:07

You can hope whatever you want. But there'a not much you can actually do to influence her personality. If you try to change her personality, it's more likely that you'll strain your relationship with her than that you'll actually change her personality.

Loqo · 01/03/2016 01:10

ShesInFashion

You sound utterly mad. Have you nothing else at all to worry about?

What a nasty bitchy thing to say to a new mother.

Shesinfashion · 01/03/2016 09:37

I enter think it's bitchy. Perhaps she needs to cop onto herself and realise how lucky she is to have a calm, placid baby.

Loqo · 01/03/2016 09:44

ShesInFashion.
There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with the OP but the way you phrased it sounds bitchy to me I presume that was your intention.

Shesinfashion · 01/03/2016 09:56

It wasn't my intention. As a mother of a child with special needs I find it pathetic that anyone could worry about their 2month old baby being introverted! So bloody what if she is? Like I said, nothing else to worry about.

ouryve · 01/03/2016 10:01

Did wildly extravert op come back, then, or is she overwhelmed by the demands of such a placid baby?

Shesinfashion · 01/03/2016 10:14

She's probably busy enrolling her daughter for stage school.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 01/03/2016 10:23

I was a screaming nightmare of a baby apparently. I'm now a confirmed, lifelong, happy and confident introvert. I have the world's best DH and 3 gorgeous children. I have had one long and successful career, and am now embarking on a new one. I have a few close friends and a wider group of acquaintances.

Being an introvert is absolutely great, thanks. But I really, really, don't think you should worry about your baby.

mrsjskelton · 01/03/2016 10:24

Perhaps she's not introverted - she's a methodical, rational, level-headed, decisive character. You're thinking of an introvert as a negative. My husband is an introvert but by no means lacking in confidence or character.

Also - calm down she's 2 months old!

NuckyT · 01/03/2016 10:24

My DD is 5 and I sometimes worry about this. It's not that she's introverted, it's that she seems perfectly happy with her own company and doing her own little things. We live very rurally, there aren't a lot of other children near us and the local school is very small, so there aren't a lot of opportunities for her to be in groups of her own age.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being introverted, it's just that I really hope she's able to make friends and won't be lonely when she is older (i.e. I hope she's not like me!)

Loqo · 01/03/2016 10:25

ShesInFashion
So it wasn't your intention to be bitchy but you carry on with the comments anyhow
Look everyone has their own stuff to deal with but just because her stuff is less significant than yours doesn't make hers meaningless. Like almost everyone on this thread I think she is overreacting but there is no need to be nasty about it. It makes you sound bitter and jealous. It's not a competition as to who has it the worst.

Shesinfashion · 01/03/2016 10:52

The OP doesn't have it worse at all. She's got a calm, happy baby. Not only is she freaking out over nothing but she's viewing introverts as a lesser type of person.

Mommasoph30 · 01/03/2016 11:02

My daughter was a 'perfect' baby as well, now she is 3 years old and so full of confidence and sass its awesome as well as annoying!

don't rover think things, go with the flow hun and enjoy ! X

extralemonylemoncake · 01/03/2016 11:39

In her book "Quiet", Susan Cain writes about possible biological origins of human temperament / being an introvert. She quotes a Harvard study that suggest that quiet babies may actually be more likely to become extroverts in later life. The theory is that introverts may have a more excitable amygdala than extroverts. Babies with a more excitable amygdala (= more sensitive nervous system) are likely to be "high-reactive" to all sorts of external stimuli and therefore louder / more active.
Have a look at pages 99-108, here's the link to Google Books:

Quiet

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter · 01/03/2016 11:50

Like pp have said, introversion, even shyness, does not equate to a lack of confidence.

Have a go at reading Quiet (forget the author atm) or the highly sensitive person by Elaine n. Aron.

My Ds and I are quiet but we are confident and have a bloody strong stubborn streak. If we don't want to do something nothing can change our minds.

People see me as reserved, posh, aloof and contemplative. I've forged a career involving public speaking and networking and I can be open and friendly, it just requires more effort for me than some others.

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter · 01/03/2016 12:01

Sorry, had to dash, so whilst I wait for a client - I have an outgoing, high needs, outwardly confident, queen bee of a dd. She needs to come home from school and dissect & analyse everything that's happened in detail (she's 4.8yrs). We have to work on her understanding of every part of the day. Sometimes I'd love for her to have ds's inner confidence and ability to judge intuitively whether something needs action/to be worried over/remembered or forgotten.

snuggledinbed · 01/03/2016 12:12

"Who has it worst" is a figure of speech. It doesn't literally mean anyone has it bad worse worst rather it means "competing" or comparing whose situation/story/words are more important or less important than others.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/03/2016 13:22

I think you are over thinking things somewhat, op.

liquidrevolution · 01/03/2016 14:30

What's wrong with being an introvert?

I am an introvert and it hasn't had any impact on me.

Dd was the calmest baby and she has gown into a very calm but amazingly happy and friendly toddler. My neighbour says she is pure sunshine but if she develops introvert traits I won't be worrying about it. Why should I?

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