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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all does not apply on mumsnet

54 replies

susieb19 · 27/02/2016 21:28

I don't really get it..

I scroll through the posts on mumsnet and browse things people post that interest me (for whatever reason)..and it never fails to amaze me how people can be ar*ed to write something sarcastic or unsympathetic or just be mean to the op. Who could be bothered?! (I'll soon see I suppose!).

It's not about people disagreeing with the op about whatever they have raised. It's the way it's done. Is it because it's anonymous? But it's not fully anonymous is it. I've spotted people in the education thread especially who you see time and again posting nasty, sarcastic replies.

I'm no flower waving hippy by any means but can't life be rubbish enough sometimes without us pulling each other down too (here comes the flame). I don't expect fairy land but just a degree of general kindness.

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 27/02/2016 22:00

To be honest I'm sarky in real life, I'm probably slightly "nicer" on MN. Some posters could start a fight in an empty room, but thats the same in every day life.

Original poster

susieb19 · 27/02/2016 22:01

Just to clarify - I'm not comparing mn to any other forum (although the title might read a bit like I am) ...

Ok so if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. I guess plenty do.

OP posts:

Owllady · 27/02/2016 22:03

I'm a bit of an airhead and don't always think things through properly, so I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.

Lweji · 27/02/2016 22:04

Comments in online newspaper articles can be a lot worse.
At least personal attacks are not accepted.

I can say here someone is behaving like an arse (so stop being one), but I can't say they're an arse.

Vintage45 · 27/02/2016 22:09

OP, yes of course there are unpleasant people on here, they're everywhere. If something doesn't sit right with you then either hide the thread or say what you feel. To moan about a free place where views are mostly taken into account is a bit meh.

I personally love the diversity on here and of course, have had my battles, but that was usually due to me not being sensitive to others, not the other way round.

PFB twitty threads are my favourite though as i get to tell them! How fantastic is that

GuiltyPleasure · 27/02/2016 22:15

I tend to find I contribute to threads on which I feel I have a useful experience or opinion. I usually hold back otherwise unless something riles me to the point when I can't hold myself back.. There's a couple of current threads which are pushing my buttons. However I've been on the receiving end of posters who have appeared goady (although just on the right side of MNHQ guidelines) for no apparent reason, (probably want to make a name for themselves as a "forthright poster?) but I think you always take that chance in AIBU. Sarkiness goes with the territory, nastiness is unnecessary.

usual · 27/02/2016 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

southeastastra · 27/02/2016 22:19

who is to say who is 'unpleasant' anyway?

Original poster

susieb19 · 27/02/2016 22:20

Ha ha I'm sorry my op was a ludicrous post to put out there...

OP posts:

bornwithaplasticspoon · 27/02/2016 22:25

I'm of the opinion that the posters who spout vitriol for no good reason must be very sad in real life. We must pity them.

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 27/02/2016 22:26

With some of the threads on here at the minute I have been so taken aback with the breathtaking selfishness of the OP (aibu to get pregnant and jeopardise the mental health of my teenage DD, etc) that frankly, if I knew them in real life I would say much worse to them than I have expressed on MN. On MN one has to abide by rules of use.

Sallystyle · 27/02/2016 22:28

Nice all the time would be boring for sure.

But there are many threads that come across like a few posters just want an argument and will twist everything the OP writes just to get one.

Sarcasm is fine, arguing is fine, but there are times where it crosses a line but that happens all over the internet.

I usually say something if I'm on a thread and see it happening or I report it.

maggiethemagpie · 27/02/2016 22:29

It is because it is anonymous. People can hide behind their computer screen. No way in real life would they speak to people like that, because if they did everyone would know they were a goady twat.

I think it's entertainment for some people - like, how can we wind up the OP and get them to react? So my strategy now is not to react.

Like they say, don't feed the trolls!

SoupDragon · 27/02/2016 22:32

Am up I the only one finding the comparison of the thread title and the first post amusing?

squoosh · 27/02/2016 22:32

There are certainly some people who are determined to disagree with the OP no matter what the thread is about.

'AIBU to think the sky is blue?

'You sound very grabby. It's clearly green'.

usual · 27/02/2016 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallystyle · 27/02/2016 22:34

With some of the threads on here at the minute I have been so taken aback with the breathtaking selfishness of the OP

I actually think that thread was quite restrained really. People are always going to get upset by a thread where a child is struggling and the parent is being selfish.

But equally someone might post something which really isn't a big deal and get a lot of shit thrown at them. The first few replies often set the tone for most of the thread. I find it quite unpleasant when someone is clearly struggling and not in a very good frame of mind and people are really harsh instead of taking a step back and realising that even though the OP posted in AIBU there is a lot more at play and they may not be in a healthy place mentally.

Thornrose · 27/02/2016 22:34

Slowly it's really out of order to mention a specific thread/poster!

Sallystyle · 27/02/2016 22:34

I think plenty of posters jump in if they see someone crossing the line.

Yep they do. You did it for me once :)

wispaxmas · 27/02/2016 22:35

YABU, it's the Internet.

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 27/02/2016 22:40

I disagree Thornrose. The OP put the thread out into the public domain.
Why would you think it would be unreasonable to refer to it on a separate thread?

Thornrose · 27/02/2016 22:41

TAAT!

usual · 27/02/2016 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slowlygettingthehangofthings · 27/02/2016 22:49

This is a thread specifically discussing behaviour on other threads. I have referred to the thread in question to illustrate my point in the discussion. In this circumstance I don't believe that naming the particular thread was unfair.
Please do correct me if I have contravened the rules, though.

Thornrose · 27/02/2016 22:56

On MN it's considered bad form to talk about specific threads on another thread. If I start a thread I expect comments, I can see them and reply.

I may not see a thread started up elsewhere that directly relates to my thread. In that case I don't have a right to reply which is unfair and that is why MNHQ delete threads about a thread (aka TAAT.)

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