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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am I overreacting about childbirth?

60 replies

PonderLand · 26/02/2016 19:20

Me and DP are 25 weeks pregnant with our first baby, it was a surprise but we're both starting to really look forward too it. I'm still struggling with some personal issues about pregnancy and been a mum but I'm starting to slowly allow myself to feel confident, I've done this mainly by reading every possible thing I can and researching anything I'm unsure about. Plus watching YouTube videos of 'how to burp newborn' etc lol. Moving closer to my parents has helped alleviate some of those worries aswell lol.

These past few weeks I decided to tackle childbirth and have looked into most things to do with it. So I'm pretty aware of the basics now but I'm still petrified of been so vulnerable and at the mercy of the staff completely. I've worked in hospitals for nearly 8 years so I don't feel quite as confident in the facilities and the staffing levels etc. Anyway to cut a long story short I've been researching and reading and watching so many things but my DP hasn't looked into anything! Not one single thing. I try and talk to him about labour and what happens but he just gets frustrated and makes faces and tells me to stop telling him and making him nervous. He won't watch OBEM either which I've found quite reassuring.

AIBU or should he be taking it more seriously and actually want to understand what will happen to me during labour? Could there be a point where they will need to explain things to him if I'm unable to answer etc? Am I over worrying? I probably am. I'm so nervous :(

OP posts:

thumb3lina · 26/02/2016 21:06

My DH was the same but I got him a book which he supposedly read, he obviously didn't read it because when I went into labour he thought the baby would fly out immediately and was surprised it was taking so long. Anyway I wish he had an idea what was going on because it all went wrong and he was more scared than me. I was very worried about being in an NHS hospital too so went private (although everyone in my antenatal group was NHS and most had a good experience) which made me feel better as I was allowed DH and my mum to stay overnight with me.

SquidgeyMidgey · 26/02/2016 21:08

Try not to get upset about it. It doesn't matter unless he's going to deliver the baby. My DH was in complete denial about dc1 coming out so he doggedly stayed at the head end throughout. Makes no odds, as long as the mw know what they're doing.

Jelliebabe1 · 26/02/2016 21:10

Ponder! I know NCT is pricey but we found it money well spent as oh learnt a lot which helped him to help me when I couldn't. If he hadn't gone on the course he wouldn't have known the options or what to ask etc... Also the support from the group has been fantastic. See if your NHS classes are out of hours but ours were all midweek in the middle of the day..

Natkingcole9 · 26/02/2016 21:29

'Your DP is not pregnant with your first child! hmm'

This.

Original poster

PonderLand · 26/02/2016 22:46

Sorry about my wording, 'I'm pregnant with our first child' I should of put, I didn't put much thought into the wording of it as I was rushing a bit to type :)

OP posts:

Original poster

PonderLand · 26/02/2016 22:56

Actually think I meant to put we are expecting our first baby lol but then wrote weeks and mixed it up. Anyway thanks for all the replies, I feel a lot better about things. I'm hoping there is some way for us to do the nhs classes. Would be good to meet other people too I think. We don't get any benefits so I don't think we'd get money off nct but I'll send them an email to check

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 26/02/2016 23:17

My exh came with me to anti natal classes at the hospital I attended so I suppose he had some preparation but I found watching a filmed birth rather off putting tbh and afterwards wished I hadn't. I'm not a fan of programmes like OBEM especially if you're using it as research, as each birth is different.

During the birth of my first baby exh was there, (he wasn't at the next 2 - very quick births) but tbh I really wasn't that aware of him most of the time as I was focused on the getting the baby out so his knowledge, or lack of it, as to regards what was going to happen to me really didn't have any relevance.

The midwife's experience and expertise, on the other hand, I did appreciate.

pigsDOfly · 26/02/2016 23:21

Not sure what happened to my punctuation and sentences in that post.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/02/2016 23:59

DH went to scans (which were relatively new when I had my two) and that's it. He 'knew the basics from TV shows' (!?!) and figured that was all he needed to know. He was wonderful, once he got over the shock of what real labour and childbirth was. He had no preconceived (geddit? preCONCEIVED?) notions, realized he was way out of his depth, so he did exactly what he was told to do by me and the staff. When it comes down to it, most of the father's role is to hold your hand (physically and emotionally), bring you ice chips, and tell you you're doing a great job.

Your DH will be fine.

CheshireChat · 27/02/2016 00:16

Your DH needs to be your advocate so he needs to know what you want him to do. My DP wasn't too interested in reading about pregnancy/ birth but found the NHS classes helpful, we also couldn't afford the NCT ones and it was ok. Classes might also make it more "real" to him. This might be extreme, but if you feel he won't be the best person to support you, YOU can choose who at the birth. Good luck, OP.

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